Thursday, February 18, 2010

olympics, wut?

Some things are just odd to see.
For example.
That's our captain.
Hey! That's our Brooksie.

It's like some weird sort of jealous pride.
These are our boys.
And now other people consider them theirs?
We don't know about this.
We're not sure if that is a shadow or a hole in the crotch of Malkin's breezers in order to allow him easy access to dick whip people mid-game.
We wouldn't be surprised either way.

USA beat Norway into dust 6-1.
There's something much less exciting about Olympic win photos.
We don't know what that's all about, but it's weird.
It makes sense, in a way.
The Olympics are like a more serious ASG. You're just with a bunch of people you don't know. Sure, what you are working towards is hella important in the whole pride sort of way, but the people you're working with aren't necessarily your friends.
It's less adorable.
Leave it to us to think at "adorableness" is an important factor in ice hockey.

In other news, the USA women's team is kicking srs ass.
Blanked another set of homers.
This time Finland, 6-0.
Slovakia and Russia is on later tonight, and Canada and Switzerland are happening right this very moment.

The Winter Olympics are an exciting time.
There's hockey.
There's snowboarding.
There's fuckin' skeleton, which we still don't understand but find insane.
If you imagine certain hockey players trying this out, it's a great time. Max Talbot. Vesa Toskala. Chris Osgood. Seriously, it's hours of entertainment in your mind, FOR FREE.
Srsly, just Max in the uniform is enough to giggle over for days.

And of course, as with all world events, there are Canadians.
Why do we ever let them out in public? Let alone on the world stage.



ANovak017 said...

US Women's team better win gold or I'll be thoroughly upset. My friend made the team and is back-back-up. Either way, pretty fucking sweet.
She indirectly said to expect blood come puck drop v. Canada.

It's on.

EHisCDN said...

Canadians better win gold in both men and women's.

@ANovak017 there will be blood ;P But it should be a great game. I love physical hockey games so I'm looking forward to it.

Canada beats the frickin Swiss in the SO, thanks to El Capy-tan (of the Pens) CROSBY! ftw. Brodeur was awesome too. I didn't really agree with much of Babcock's coaching decisions, and Bergeron is not living up to expectations. The only successful line is the Sharks line, they need to do something at practice before we face the US.

wispensfan said...

I would really like to see the US women's team win but that is mostly because a good chunk of the team is from Wisconsin and/or played for my Badgers. Considering that this isn't a big hockey state that's pretty cool for someone from here to see.

Lizzie said...

These are our boys.
And now other people consider them theirs?

This is how I feel, but also every time they mention a player is also a Penguin, or was a Penguin (Jagr! Morozov!), I get a little thrill. Hey world! Remember Pittsburgh? We're awesome! So I guess, as long as they keep reminding the world that these guys belong to us, it's okay to loan them out to their home countries.

Megs said...

While the game for Canada was craziness, I think the Russia/Slovakian game was just fucking jaw dropping. I tuned in towards the end of the first period expecting a masacre with the Hossas bleeding all over the place, but no. The score was zero to zero, which gave me the feeling that something was up. Due to the lateness of everything, I had to take care of some stuff and then eventually watch the game after taking a shower (hygene is more important sometimes). I was able to tune in right as the game went into overtime. HOLY SHIT...two shootouts in one night. Not just that but fucking Slovakia won it. If they can do it, I think anyone can (unless you're the Swiss or Latvia) beat them. Honestly, this just makes the tournament even more unpredictable and fun. It's so fucking on for the underdog teams.

@ANovak017 - I sincerely hope that the Women will kill it and bring home gold. Seriously, they got Badger Bob's son as coach. Great coaching with awesome talent, it can't get anymore magical.

@Lizzie - I totally agree. Don't forget Jagr. God I can't believe I'm gushing about him, but seriously that game last night against Slovakia was just that awesome. And Slovakia's win tonight gives me hope that the Czech Republic will hold their own against the Russians on Sunday.

Holly Jameson said...

Actually if anything that game makes me nervous about the Swiss team. Great defensive play. Not entirely with their offense but they showed more promise and more hunger for the win than any of the other teams we mainly discarded out of hand. I don't think Canada will lose to the Swiss especially since we know their style now and have time to adjust lines (and we beat them), but the other teams better watch out.

And Slovakia?? Holy Christ, their lineage must've slayed Judas for that sort of redemption. Bravo boys. Good for you. I'm sort of sorry for Malks and Gonch but I'm such an Ovechkin hater that it made me giggle a little.

Then I read about Max Talbot in a skeleton uniform and I giggled like crazy. Thanks for that mental image, it may take awhile to get it out of my head! But seriously, what the fuck is Skeleton. It looks like inside out luge from the picture. Can somebody explain this weird ass sport to me?

I love Sidney Crosby so watching him and Brodeur clinch it in extended shootout brought me as close to an orgasm you can achieve without having sex. Best Olympics moment ever!

MouthGuard said...

@wispensfan & megs: Thank you for the cheese curds of encouragement for my homies back in America's Dairyland. ;) Whassup, Appleton? Yo Yo Rhinelander! And Iron River (rotten liver). Green Bay. Lake Winnefuckingbago. Hockey with an edible rind is an okay thing.

And Mark Johnson is and always will be one of my most cherished, special special special boyfriends ever. He was the reason I first started ever paying attention to the Penguins - truth. He got drafted by them after Lake Placid. Pre-Mario, pre-hype. They were a scrappy, gritty team that played with a fuckload of heart. Good times!

@EHisCDN: You are correct, girfren. Coach Bukaki and his Assistant Firecrotch need to stop helping themselves to the sardine pizza pockets in Team Sveeeeden's locker room and focus on the job at hand. Bring out the chemistry set and keep working on the experiments until they actually work. As I pointed out before, Bergeron is one of Team Canada's token bagina players - he plays for a bagina team with bagina coaching so it's not entirely surprising he's having technical difficulties right now. And Richards. And Getzlaf. Again, they cold-cocked the studlier Staal and sizzling hot pocket Patrick Sharp in favor of... Baginas. But notwithstanding my tourette's, I am still confident that this kerfuffle can be sorted out with some old fashioned locker room bitchslapping and a few tubes of Vagisil. Well, okay so Richards needs a BOX of Vagisil, but still... Fear not, fuckers. Fear not.

The Sharks line... Sigh. I'm a broken record but it's like I live in the Bay Area and THEY ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS DO THIS. They score and hit and play gorgeous, telekinetic hockey and then they do something RETARDED (i.e., Marleau scores for Team Cowbell) and fuck it all up. COUNT on it. This is why these guys can't win a Cup. No shortage of talent and excitement, but then stupid kicks in instead of clever and all of a sudden they're out of the playoffs. They need a whoopass exorcising. Summon a priest! And yes - the other lines need to wake up.

But this is such exciting hockey. SO much fun and mischief!

ANovak017 said...

proof that sid doesn't have a ping pong table..and that he's trying to find a lady friend...

MouthGuard said...

Riddle me this: Does Gala Apple Stoli count as liquor or a mixer when imbibed during the course of an excruciatingly boring women's curling match? Either way, I think it helped me realize that the curling "skip" of Team Denmark is Chloe Sevigny's doppelganger. I also had an epiphany: Curling is best enjoyed watched backwards. Seriously - it will blow. your. mind.

Speaking of doppelgangers! OMG. So I am semi-obsessed with Dana Heinze (Pens Equipment Manager Dude). Not sure why, but I'm trying to decide whether or not he's one of my boyfriends. He's totally obsession-worthy and there's something unspeakably kewl about his demeanor and his gig. I can't put my finger on it. I'm getting the vibe that he's a bitchin' dancer, however. I think it might be his secret passion. SO KEWL. But check it out: I finally figured out WHO HE LOOKS LIKE! It's been driving me bonkers! He looks like a slimmed-down contemporary Meat Loaf! Not Bat Out of Hell Meat. Current Meat. I love it. I got turned back onto Meat after I saw Shatner interview him on Raw Nerve. Genius! Fuck the CBC Archives, man. Shatner interviewing Meat Loaf. The stuff of legend.

@ANovak017: Woman, thou hast been punk'ed! ACK! Don't you know never to believe ANYTHING the Vancouver Sun prints? Like, EVER? It's a rag.

Fact Check: Meaghan Mikkelson is ENGAGED.

Double Fact Check: Just because a woman farts in Chachi's presence doesn't mean he's turned on and is hitting on her. He's not Patrick Kane, after all. ;)

Triple Fact Check: Team Canada - and every women's hockey team for every country in the Games, for that matter - is DESPERATE for people to be interested in women's hockey. Desperate! Why? Because nobody fucking cares about watching women play hockey. That's why. There. I said it. I'm female, and I said it. But it's true. People want to watch women do roller derby bouts, not hockey. So every bit of juicy tidbit cheapo press helps the cause. Right? ;) Give the guy some space and some credit, people. He doesn't need the Olympic Village to get laid and/or to meet women.

As a comic in all seriousness, this credible, non-fluffy story about Hannah Teter made me smile. Good work, snow bunny!

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Puck Huffers by Kimberly Davidson and Zoƫ Hayden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.