Thursday, February 25, 2010

oh hai.

Some congrats are in order The silver is pretty pimp.
It's second place, but hey, it's second place in the Olympics. Ladies, you worked hard, and we're damn proud to send you out there to represent.

Also, can we send out some mad props to these ladies for playing hockey AND looking good? Serious eyeliner action. She's clearly all woman.

In other news, never did we think we'd see this handshake and scream degrading things at Sid and not Ovie good job Canada! This game was a weird fenzy of us screaming things like "WHAT WE REALLY NEED IS OVIE ON THE BREAKAWAY!" and "GO SASHA!"
At least we were comfortable with "FUCK YES DADDY GONCH!"
It was painful and full of agony for us.
By the end we were trying to book flights to make sure we could watch Canada burn. No worries, we checked most of our outright aggression at the door. Something overtook us for a moment...a lot of our frustration over midterms might have gotten mixed up with our feelings about Canada.
We'll take a breather.
Luckily never for a moment did we even pretend to like the wet towel that is Semin, so our souls are intact.

Next stop for team USA:
Overwhelming cuteness.
Really, Miikka, this is going to hurt us. But we've dealt with it before, you aren't one of our boys. So every once in awhile we have to root for your destruction. And here it is again.
We all love the Finnish here at PH.
Both Zoe and myself have had missed opportunities to visit Finland and it hurts us. Any time I ask my family in Denmark to escort me on the relatively short trip, they exclaim that the Finnish are "too weird." Zoe had a chance during her time living in the Netherlands, but due to something involving a motorcycle or a hot air balloon or homosexual scooter (I don't really remember or feel like clarifying with her at the moment) she missed her chance.
But one day we will visit and take part in Finnish shenanigans. Tomorrow, however, is not the time for Finnish shenanigans, as we will be playing for a place in the gold medal game.
Of course, as always, go USA.

We're sorry this has become USAblog for the Olympic break, but really, that's who we are and THIS IS OUR BLOG OMG OKAY CAN YOU JUST DEAL FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS.
You are our favorites and we love you all, no matter the team you are cheering for or the country you hail from. You know why?
We're Pens fans.
And so are you.

Go Pens


bluzdude said...

The US Women's team played their asses off. They have nothing to be ashamed about.

MouthGuard said...

I forgot the women were playing for gold today. I played waaaayyy too much field and floor hockey growing up. Too traumatic. Flashbacks...

The Finns are indeed weird, but they're a whole lotta Funn, too. They'll disinfect your hot tub after the defilement. This is a good thing. Go Funland! And how about those wacky Slovakians, eh? Bring on the Marians, man!

So Team Canada beat Team Douche to the buffet table this time. I agree with the assertion that it's unfortunate both teams couldn't necessarily get their shit together such that they might have met up in the final, but at least they got to play each other. I am happy with Team Canada's win but I would have liked to see the douchies play in keeping with their potential. I couldn't bear to watch the Geno and Sarge close-ups - so heartbreaking. Then Scary Spice Semin went with atypical CapiTOOL option A when things aren't working your way, and made the fatal mistake of attempting one of his signature dirtbag hits on Dan Boyle, of all people - an unflappable, fuck you player he normally doesn't see very much during the NHL season. BIG mistake, image-wise and game-wise. It was unnecessary and it worsened Russia's predicament. Icing on the cake was Semin's "what, me?" look after Boyle retaliated - nice try, Scary. The 'Tools had better hope that if they happen to win the Prince of Wales Conference this year, they won't have to "reconnect" with Boyle and the Sharks or Keith/Seabrook and the Hawks in the SC Finals. This game reaffirmed that everybody can be stopped and everybody can be crushed anywhere, anytime.

Geno & Sarge: Sorry things turned out so sucky, but I can hardly wait for you guys to go back to your day jobs. This is one of my all-time favorites. I dispatch it to both of you with big hearts and bear hugs. "The sun is gone, and that's all I really know…"

As for Team Canada, keep applying gobs of Prep H to Niedermayer's and Pronger's buttholes and play like you at least mean it and love it. Chachi, this one's for you and your succulent beefy orb asscheeks. "I'm a Stardog, baby/I ain't gonna let you dowwwwnnnn..." I'm not gonna hold you to it, sugar, 'cause I know I don't have to. :)

And congratufuckinglations to all the Teams who are still standing and who have been newly-eliminated! This one goes out to all of you. Yay for your efforts. Safe travels. :)

Re: Milbury, JR & NBC "Coverage": Milbury's "Eurotrash" remark was fucking VANILLA. If people want to start deconstructing what's wrong with NBC's "coverage" for the uninitiated, it's a pretty silly place to start. But jeeebus somebody needs to stick a tubesock in JR's mouth, already. HE COMPARED OVECHKIN TO BRAD PITT. ??? I'm incredulous, and I'm not even a Brad Pitt fan. He was practically airkissing and gerbiling O-Felch during their 30-minute all access "interview" on NBC. Absurdly homoerotic doesn't even come close. The homoerotic I can deal with - it's the on-air felchfest that I don't need to see on national television.

CrackerLilo said...

Speaking of Finnish cuteness, did you see how the women's team acted when they got their bronze medals? They were so damned happy! Blowing kisses and everything! And meanwhile, the American women are looking like their dogs died over silver. I understand it, but it was kinda funny anyway. The Finnish men can also cutely play for bronze and cutely accept it.

I loved the eyeliner and earrings on Team USA, too. I loved Marie-Philip Poulin's pearl necklace, if not her goals. And I loved the little kids in their mamas' jerseys. Womens' hockey is not only as competitive as mens', it's as adorable!

I'm glad I wasn't the only one screaming "Go, Sasha!" It was a thousand times more comfortable to cheer Gonchar on. He can go back to Pittsburgh with his head up, and of course he most likely will.

@ Bluzdude: Team USA was awesome; it's just that Team Canada was a tick awesomer, that's all. I hope they're happier with the silver upon reflection.

@ MouthGuard: One thing I've liked is that the Canadians who play in the Western Conference are really getting a chance to shine right now. Dan Boyle, Shea Weber, Jonathan Toews, the HTML line...all worthy of attention. Maybe Crosby can now go get himself some lip balm and Vitamin Water in peace while other people answer stupid questions. (Doubt it.)

The "Eurotrash" comment raised my eyebrows, but it's Mike Fucking Milbury. It's so obvious he's a natural-born idiot that you really can't hold what he says against him. I just want to be watching during the inevitable moment when someone slugs him. I couldn't watch much of Roenick's interview with Ovechkin, but I also caught the Brad Pitt comparison, and I was like, "I could *not* have heard that right."

Just one more weekend until everyone's back in black and gold...

ANovak017 said...

Just the memories of Junior year soccer running through my mind with 5 minutes left made my heart hurt. Seeing them cry, get their medals, and the USA! chant brought tears to my eyes..and perhaps a couple fell. My friend, Bri McLaughlin, smiling made me super proud. That girl has made everyone back home proud.
Canada, you could not have been classier with the USA chant..kudos.

Gonch scoring was a happy moment. And I feel like a dumbass for the comment on the handshake with Ovi and Sid. Did I miss something? I was hoping Geno would've gotten one and Sid a couple.
Does anyone else think he's been off the past 2 games? Not entirely, just..something's missing.

utterfrivolity said...

@CrackerLilo - Yes, the Finns were adorable!

And I do wish athletes were better at least faking excitement for a silver medal. I get that you don't get to the Olympics by being satisfied with second place, but dude, whatever sport you're in, there are thousands of athletes who are killing themselves to try to be in your place. Last night when Mao Asada got her score in figure skating, she didn't even crack a smile. It always increases my enjoyment of an event so much when all medal winners look happy.

Need Ice In Phoenix said...

As a reflex action I always hit MUTE when JR starts to yawn but now I want to know what he said about AO and Pitt.

Someone please dooo tell.

MouthGuard said...

Now, THIS is more like it! These bitches have clearly been taking notes at roller derby bouts. When I see this, I see trouble, mischief, and beer farts and I loves it. Team USA should have joined the orgy. It would have made for one big fat carpetmunching clusterfuck. ;) Good work, bitches! Now go shoot some ping pong balls out of your chochas.

Strategic suggestion for Team USA in advance of this afternoon's game against Team Funland: Corral Team Funland into a steamy sauna filled with laughing gas. Victory will be yours, and the pleasure will be all ours if one happens to be female. Nothing like a naked, giggling Funnish man to make your day.

@Need Ice: It was the usual Chachi v. O-Felch bullcrap dumbed down for non-hockey fans, with Milbury defending Chachi ("Do you want a leader on your team who can win you the Cup or do you want to watch somebody getting excited scoring goals?") and JR fondling his nutsack over O-Felch ad nauseum. Retarded, retarded, retarded. Both of them need to be smacked, but it's a cointoss as to which one pisses you off the most. Personally, I would love to have at JR in a Point/Counter-Point scenario, beginning my Counter-Point rant with "Jane, you magnificently ignorant slut...", and then wiping his spit off my face because you can tell whenever JR talks he sprays it while he's saying it. You just know that troll spits all over you. GROSS. The Brad Pitt comparison took the cake, though. Just a reminder, bitches: O-Felchkin is the "Brad Pitt of sports."

utterfrivolity said...

wtf is up with coaches not changing goalies this Olympics? What a joke.

Anna. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anna. said...

i really wish i was a part of this

MouthGuard said...

@Anna: No kidding! They forgot to invite us to the party. I LOVE cigars!!! I also love that they tried to hijack the zamboni...

Need Ice In Phoenix said...

I actually prefer donuts with my beer but they won the Gold so they should get to do whatever (and whoever) they want.

And naturally the IOC is in a big tiz because they don't think it was a "positive image" for olympic athletes to display. FUCK THE IOC!!

@Mouthguard - Yes, I've caught the "my boyfriend is hotter than your boyfriend" battle between JR and Millbury. I don't care for Millbury either but I totally lost it when he made the Euro-trash comment. As for the Brad Pitt reference, I think AO is more like the "Mickey Rourke" of hockey.


debrisslide said...

fyi - PH endorses cigars at any and all special occasions. Especially for ladies.

CrackerLilo said...

@ utterfrivolity: Hey, Ron Wilson changed his goalie for Team USA! Did you see the look on Ryan Miller's face when the Finnish player got that one goal past Tim Thomas? You could just hear his thoughts: "Oh, shit, there goes my shutout. Thanks, Tim! Thanks, Coach!"

@ MouthGuard and Anna: It looked like an awesome celebration of an awesome game to me. My only problem with it is that it wasn't Team USA.

@ Need Ice: Of course, the IOC also thought it was inappropriate for Miller to have a small tribute to his dead cousin on the back of his mask and talked about how there may not be Olympics womens' hockey anymore right before the Canada/USA game. Boy, I sure hope it doesn't come down to USA v. Canada for the mens' gold medal, and the gold medalists don't get too rowdy in their celebrations, or else we might not have mens' hockey anymore...oh, waaaaaaaiiiiit...

MouthGuard said...


"The most badass thing you can put in your mouth."

"it is a smoking product that some people can mistake for a penis."

"If you put a lollipop in your mouth and smoke was coming from the other end, that is a cigar. Best thing in the world to build up your immune system."

I couldn't help myself. Those bitches inspired me to submit a new definition for "cigar" to the UD, which is currently undergoing editorial review...

Couldn't believe my boyfriend Ryan Miller was pulled from the game today! Ron Wilson can suck it. He obviously didn't consult Ryan's daily horoscope prior to today's events! Gotta pay attention to those charts, man!

Creative Commons License
Puck Huffers by Kimberly Davidson and Zoƫ Hayden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.