Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Pens V. Sens

Hello there PHers.
Huffers? Crazy Sluts?
Okay, enough of this.
What do you guys want to be called?
If we're going to form an army to take over the internet and then the world-
wait, we mean....
Well, yeah, if we're going to do that, our legions need a title.
Make one.
If we're going to bond with you people we have to have a collective name for you other than "hey bitches."
Give PH Staff a little somethin' somethin' to work with here.

Lesson number two of PH teaches you shit will be coming soon, along with the reemergence of Everyday Tasks. There's a long break ahead of us, so we have a lot of time to kill. For now, let's take a look at tomorrow's game, which will be brought to you by the Stunning Intern Ann. She is stepping down from Mount Olympus where she and other pure beings eat tropical fruit and honey with Curry himself, just to recap a game for the likes of us.
We love Intern Ann.
We don't know what wonderful thing we did to deserve her.

The Sens are looking for an 8th game in their winning streak.
We're not willing to give it to them. All streaks come to a breaking point, and we're going to call this theirs.
We still have a big 'ol soft spot for them, though.
Exhibit One:
KovieKovieKovie

Exhibit Two:
Milan Michalek bowling for fatties.
Oh Milan, how did you survive? It is like a blanket of fat was carelessly draped over you and now you are suffocating in its cavernous folds.
Martin Brodeur, you are so fat that we'd be surprised if the sun can even rise over this great nation ever again.
You are The Fattest Girl at Prom.

*cough* sorry. We get carried away sometimes.

Anyway, soft spots for other teams, as always, do not mean we feel anything when the Pens crush their souls and embarrass them. In fact, we encourage it. We don't want our other teams stepping out of line and thinking that they deserve to be number one in our hearts. That is just foolish.
The Pens aren't on a crazy streak or anything, they're just trying not to make us cry and strengthen up their record.
We believe.
HOPE. Remember HOPE?

If you have, refresh yourself with some manlove.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SUCH A PENETRATING GAZE BETWEEN MEN?
Only in hockey photos.

Tomorrow should be a delight.
Isn't it always when the Pens are playing?

Go Pens.

10 comments:

ANovak017 said...

I have no good ideas for a collective name.
But a recap from Intern Ann will be a delight because I will be at the Blue Jacket's game cheering All American Hero Bobby Scuds.
That photo of Marc and JStaal just made me the happiest little girl on the planet. Thank you.

slush said...

long time lurker. no help with a collective name either, i kinda like 'hey bitches'. its easy and true. 'huffers' is humorous as well. could mean oh so many things.

love the blog. keep up the fab work.

EHisCDN said...

Puckers? I think that might be a bit too lame.

Psyched for this game, I want to crush the Sens.

Becky said...

I am cool with "bitches" and/or "huffers"

blayne said...

huffies! like the bike!

MouthGuard said...

Some monickers are just too classic to fuck with. "Bitches" has a timeless, regal ring to it that resonates far and wide. It's a calling, if you will - a call to arms, a call with a purpose. It's multi-layered. Like a gorgeous, stinky onion. sniff sniff sniff

** I am partial to "Kumquats"... You have to admit "kumquat" might be one of the most porn-sounding words ever, yet it has absolutely nothing to do with defilement. Kum+quat = a most misunderstood little shit fruit. They look like little buttnuggets, and they taste fucking foul. Plus, "It's A Gift" - the classic WC Fields flick - has one of my all-time favorite scenes involving a patron demanding his kumquats: "Where are my kumquats? I want my kumquats!" Makes my nipples hard just thinking about it.

** "''Ho-ffers" might be stupid/fun for a post or two.

** "The "Huffer"ton Post might be a stupid/fun play on Huffington. I think they would get a kick out of it...

But if it ain't broke, don't fix it!

Looking extraextraextra forward to your recap as I will be busy waving pasties at Grillz Candy Kane from my perch at the Tank this evening. Jesus - where is Adam Burish when you need him?

CrackerLilo said...

I'm perfectly okay with "huffers." It looks like we have Guerin back, but Godard, Kennedy, and Goligoski out. I hope Conner's as good for us tonight as he was against the Rangers. (I still smile, like, reflexively at his two goals against the Rags. Have I mentioned how much I hate them?)

Thanks in advance for the recap, Intern Ann.

Need Ice In Phoenix said...

Re. Exibit Two:

Is this a good place to apply the term "awkward"? LOLz

I've always considered the PH staff and intern to be the "bitches" and the rest of us are the "huffers". Not to imply that the rest of us can't be bitches too, but if we need official labels then that's where I stand.

GO PENS!!!!

bluzdude said...

I like "puckers" and "Huffies"...

How 'bout Huffie Puckers?

Props to MouthGuard for the solid WC Fields reference.

"I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear, she drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for." WCF

em.ily said...

I personally like "hey bitches"

Been reading your blog for a while, it's one of the highlights of my week. Ok, now I feel all creepy and stalker-ish. Leaving now. Later, bitches

 
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