Sunday, January 31, 2010

pardon moi, you fuckers.

Okay okay okay,
It's Kim here.
And I will not lie to you.
This is a total drunkblog.

No, like, okay, I didn't mean to blog this drunk, but here we are. Sometimes life happens and then hockey happens and it all has to blend together like a melting pot of happiness. I'll have Zoe review in case I am completely absent for something. TOGETHER WE SHALL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS.

Let's just get to the awards before I forget what is happening.

THE FUCKING FIRST PERIOD AWARD
You know sometimes you go into a game wanting blood and vengeance and gore et cetera. Last season, the first Wings game was like zomg important. This year it snuck up on us. We were sort of surprised when Pierre reminded us that it was the first Pens/Wings meeting since we had won the Cup on their ice. Funny how much less petty rivalries mean when you are defending the Stanley Cup and your ex-opponent is now a sorry mess of a hockey club loitering around the bottom of the list of playoff contenders. We should remember where we were last year, less we get cocky.
Then again.
The Wings blow.
Babby knows it.
HUGLUGLUG MY MOUTH IS READY FOR COCKS

Danny B isn't thinking about licking balls, he's concerned with what his team is up to.
Good news; Billy G is off of mustache duty after today. Thank Christ. Threesome offers were wearing thing. We're not sure how cool we are with mustache rides sans a complimentary beard.
Take note, boys.

We wish something else had happened during the first period other than us rolling around in agony.But nay.
Oh, well, some photos.
We wouldn't deny you that.
Gonch saves MAF's life.
Mattie is the Man of the World.
I'd fuck Crosby well before Zetterberg, you heard it here first.

THE MOST DELICIOUS FIRST BLOOD
By the time it happened, first blood was the most important thing in the goddamn world. Crosby made it happen like the fucking hero he is. We weren't sure if another goal would happen ever again, but we were so happy to see this.
We knew DET didn't have a chance.
We just, you know, wanted to fucking prove it.

THE WORST
The second period was all about Sid's goal and the third line acting heroic and Jordy being a super hero and other shit that I can't handle now that I'm bombed.com. The third period was all about the tie.
GROSS.

We didn't really give too much of a shit, we had seen this as an overtime game from the beginning of it all.

THE OVERTIME AWARD
Revoked; overtime was worthless.

MOST ADORABLE WIN PHOTOS
The SO was sort of fucking awesome.
Cappy and Malks are fucking awesome.
The team photos are the best of the century.





The Pens win in the fucking shootout, 2-1.
Fuck you Red Wings.
Detroit is worthless.
WOOOOOOOOOO

INDIVIDUAL AWARDS

THE SEXY SEXY SEXY AWARD

No one ever gets this sexy.
Lost another goddamn tooth for his team.
Brooks, Mmmmffff. This vodka would make me make all sorts of bad decisions with you.

ALT THREE STARS

1)Double Star

2) Jordan Staal - What the shit. What a man.

3) Zoe- For telling me that this is "either the best or worst recap ever, do not LOL at me, and the third award can not be given to a bottle of vodka, give it to a person and then you can post it."

Oh man. I need to go lay down.
This game was the shit. Re-enforcing what we did last season is funfunfun.
Let us forever remember that the Wings blow dicks.

Go Pens.

19 comments:

ANovak017 said...

great game.
and i will go with best recap.
the team pics were made of more win than the actual game win.

ANovak017 said...

p.s sid yelling FUCK YES after his goal=priceless

CrackerLilo said...

I thought it was just me yelling "FUCK YES!" after that goal. I'm glad to see Guerin's mustache go just because I'm not real fond of mustaches, but he didn't wear it as badly as, say, Mr. President. I'll bet his wife was just counting the days.

What a game. Even better because the Pens won it. When it went to SO, I hollered, "The Penguins *own* shootouts!", and Beloved said, "Not so fast, we have Datsyuk." Heheheheheheh...I was soooooo ready to decorate the inside of my friend's cab with Penguins stuff. It's mostly stickers, and I used straight pins and tape to attach them. Thank you, Sid and Geno, you sweet darling boys. Should anyone get that cab in Manhattan tomorrow, be nice.

I love the team pics--the press did an awesome job today. I wondered what Crosby was pointing at in the one with Bylsma and Guerin. Love the celebration, too. "Just another game," my big white ass.

You know next week's NBC coverage will be "fun" already just by the way they were discussing the Crosby versus Ovechkin rivalry, with the special even earlier time. I should probably stock up on liquor now, and forget about the cute little airplane bottles I normally get. Another game tomorrow night, too, on Versus! It's a good thing these guys make it easy to love them, because NBC and Versus sure don't.

Ashferddd said...

Being at this game was better than sex. I swear. Plus I didn't have to deal with Peeair. Crosby sucks WOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOO

Detroit hate is over. Poker face on. Buffalo, I'm infecting you with my sickness next. Annie S and I will be there three rows from the glass acting like the obnoxious bitches we are. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US WOOOOOOOOOOOO

Pensational said...

Holy hell this post makes me want to get schlammered. Damn work on Monday.

Megs said...

Drunk post gets an A+ from me. It made sense, was entertaining and just awesome for being a drunk post.

I missed out on sid yelling "Fuck Yes." I probably didn't hear it because I was screaming that as it was happening haha. Fun fact about me...I curse like a sailor, and it makes me happy to know that Sid probably does the same too.

Since Mr. Guerin's mustache was discussed. I must share this...the first time my mom saw it, she said that he looked like the Frito Bandito. Apparently our guys at FSN thought the same thing. Here's a wikipedia link for those who don't know the pop cultural reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frito_Bandito

I won't lie, my mom and I will miss the mustache. But truth be told, we're looking forward to the playoff beard more than anything!

Now about the game... This one made me so happy. I think it validated game 7. Did anyone else have issues after last year's finals of people saying how the last game was weak and that the pens got lucky? Talk about lame. So yeah today's game just validated everything and will make haters be quiet. At least haters who are Detroit fans. I got this comment on my facebook status celebrating today's win. A friend who is a caps fan posted, "Yeah, but It's ten straight for a team worth a damn." (Booo, right?)

@CrackerLilo - You're luck that you can watch games against Detroit with your Beloved. I invited my "friend" (it was and still kinda is complicated) to watch the game, but he turned me down. I think he's still upset about how my team beat his for the cup.

I think next week's game is happening at a special time because of the Super Bowl happening the same day. Fun, right?

I might watch, but I might be on the road to go see a concert in Charleston, WV. (Dashboard Confessional and Juliana Hatfield and some other bands for a live taping of the public radio program Mountain Stage! Not bad for 12 bucks, right? Downfall is it's a 3.5 hour car drive)

If I end up staying home which means I'll be watching the game, I too am going to need a lot of liquor. But for me, it's just in case if the guys don't win. I know I shouldn't drink when we lose, but sometimes it's nice to forget the painful sting of defeat. Especially since I have so many friends who are fans of the caps.

@Ashferddd - While I wished Annie a happy birthday on facebook, I guess I'll send my wishes to you on here. so yeah Happy Birthday! I hope you and her have fun at the Buffalo game!

Annie S said...

Pros: PENS WON ZOMG FSA;LSKDFJASDF FUCK DETROILET. Didn't have to deal with Pierre or Milbury. My brother got to see his first Pens game at Mellon Arena, something he's been wanting to do since he started playing hockey at age 6.

Cons: Missed Sidney's FUCK YES. Could someone Youtube that plz for the rest of us plz?

As you see, the pros definitely outweigh the cons. And Ashferddd and I get to see the game tomorrow in the THIRD FUCKING ROW OF A6. You can bet we're wearing birthday tiaras. AND I'm borrowing my dad's brand new sparkly awesome digital camera for when the players are warming up, wooooooooo!

PS - OMG, Brooksie lost a tooth? I missed that. Poor guy. At least I think he heard me yelling, "BROOKS YOU'RE AWESOME!!" at him afterwards as he was walking out, even if I have no voice left and it was more of a squeak.

debrisslide said...

@Annie S - He didn't lose a tooth during the game, that was just Kim's drunken interpretation of me saying, "Oh, I don't think Brooks was missing that tooth yesterday. . ." during pregame. He must have taken a fake out and I'd just never seen him without it before? Or it happened recently and we just weren't party to it.

Question said...

I somehow missed the "Fuck Yes!!!!!!" from Sidney, probably because I was almost at orgasm levels of joy seeing him beat new goalie. I know his name, I just don't care to share it with Sid's in this post. :P Somebody can put the clip on YouTube for me.

If I didn't have to work tomorrow I would've shared the third star with a bottle of vodka too. I'm a happy drunk but a total bitch of a hangover person. I feel better knowing somebody celebrated correctly.

@CrackerLilo Said the same damn thing about the SO. Always a great feeling with Fleury in net.

Oh hell, I'm taking two shots of vodka anyhow. One for the win and one for the fact that I don't get Versus and have to miss tomorrow's game. You know what? Two isn't good enough. Two more because Sid is hot and I'm going to bed alone. Suck it work.

Go Pens!!!

utterfrivolity said...

I'd fuck Crosby well before Zetterberg, you heard it here first.

That is so wrong.

I'm glad the Wings got a point out of this one. I'm pretty much always glad when the Wings get a point out of a game these days.

At least Crosby and Malkin had the good grace to look adorable about the whole thing.

@Asherddd - One of the highlights of attending the Wings/Blackhawks game a few weeks back was seeing Pierre come out and slide along the ice to his little box between the benches, and taking a moment to really appreciate the fact that I had no idea what bullshit he was spewing. I really cannot stand that man. How the hell does he have a job with both NBC and TSN?

utterfrivolity said...

@Megs - I don't think many Wings fans will see this as a validation of Game 7 (not that I or most Wings fans question the validity of the game). The Wings are a completely different team this year. About a third of the players on the ice today (Eaves, Miller, May, Williams, Bertuzzi, Howard) weren't there in Game 7. There's just no comparison.

CrackerLilo said...

@ Ashferddd and Annie S: Happy birthday! Have fun at Buffalo, and a safe trip coming and going!

@ Megs: L'Ailee is usually reasonable. (Saying this with a *nod* to utterfrivolity--some Wings fans are! I think some people just feel awfully brave when they're behind a monitor, including some Wings fans who like to get obnoxious.) The SCFs for the past couple seasons were pretty emotional, I won't lie. Generally, though, we keep our perspective. It helps that L'Ailee has a soft spot for Malkin, too.

@ utterfrivolity: And what's wrong with picking Crosby over Zetterberg? ;-) I also had a hard time seeing this as a SCF rematch because of the new guys and the injuries. I think "Win adorably" should be a motto for the Penguins.

ANovak017 said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brEfgMzOn8k&feature=sub

it's at the 1:27ish mark.

MouthGuard said...

I tuned into the game just as ChaChi was bellowing, "FUCK YES!" It was perfect. I much prefer him when he's uninhibited and isn't so concerned with whether or not little kids might be watching/reading his ginormous lips. :)

Detoilet Coach Bukaki obviously needs to reassess his wildly inappropriate Sveeedish fetish. He's not thinking clearly. He's baginatized. His team is crumbling like overly breaded Sveeedish meatballs. Does anybody need more proof that Zetterberg has a bagina? Coach Bukaki is pissed that he can't recruit Sveeedish players for Team Canada, and worthy, talented guys like Jordan Staal and Patrick Sharp were chopped from the roster because 1) they're not Sveeedish; 2) they're not ugly; 3) they're not boring; and 4) they don't have baginas. It's an outrage. If Team Canada is busted for having dudes with baginas on their team on the eve of the gold medal game, it will not be pretty. And don't deflect the blame on Y! It's not Y! It's Coach Bukaki and his "assistant", Coach Firecrotch (who was born with liver spots and a combover, btw). Cheech & Chong had their pick of the bestest of the best, and they picked the likes of:

Mike Richards? BIG TIME Bagina. Duh. "B-A-G-I-N -- Bagina was his name-o..."

Brenden Morrow? Plays for a Bagina team.

Patrice Bergeron? Also plays for a Bagina team, and happens to be playing like a Bagina, as well.

Ryan Getzlaf? Hellllooo, Bagina! Overrated. Can't even pop a ping pong ball out of that thing...

So I guess because today is February 1, this means that maybe somebody else will be anointed Mustache Boy and Mr. Guerin will get to shave off his 'stache, right? Sigh. He wears it like a pro - reminds me of a younger, pre-Loni Anderson Burt Reynolds. Is it so wrong to hope he loses the practice shootout tomorrow so he gets to keep it? Apparently there was an optional practice today and he chose to sit it out... I think he should go Groundhog/ZZ Top, in honor of Groundhog Day tomorrow. Just hiberate and grow more hair.

MouthGuard said...

Ryan Miller's Team USA goalie mask has just been "unveiled"... Big mistake not to have waited until tomorrow (Groundhog Day), as it would have looked much more intimidating on a hairy sleepy varmint. Oh, wait - is Miller the hairy sleepy varmint? I'm slow. I'm sure FARTSUS will find all sorts of ridiculously convenient reasons to flash this thing throughout tonight's telecast...

I'll give it an A for artwork execution, but the concept isn't especially original. I just hope MBro isn't forced to wear a maple-leaf waxed bagina on his mask. It would be ironic, of course, but wildly inappropriate. Damn that Coach!

EyeHeartCandy said...

Shit! I didnt hear the "FUCK YES" after Sid's goal. Of course we were having audio problems until late 2nd period. Hopefully someone will You Tube it soon.
And EXCELLENT choice on the Sexy Sexy Sexy Award! Couldnt agree more!

Lizzie said...

@Annie & Ashferddd: I totally saw you just before the start of the second! Read your comments earlier today and then when I saw the tiaras, I thought, "Didn't someone on PH mention tiaras?" Happy Birthday!

utterfrivolity said...

@CrackerLilo - If I were truly honest, I'd have to admit that I don't spend much time thinking about Crosby or Zetterberg - although I do have a bit of a thing for Zetterberg's cardigan collection. I've been focusing most of my inappropriate thoughts on Drew Miller this season. I've had a a crush on his brother for years, but now that Drew's a Wing--and now that his hair has the most awesome silver thing going on--I'm really in love. Particularly since he's started scoring beautiful, timely goals. I really hope he sticks around.

"Win adorably" is a fantastic motto. Perfect for the Pens.

MyDearestObsession said...

this is probably the greatest recap i've ever read and definitely one of the top games that i've watched. staalsy and tanger were freaking madmen on the ice - wish they'd actually scored. the few that staal rung off the post had me moaning in agony.

and the fact that the refs didn't call a high-sticking penalty on the wings in the first period when jordy clearly got hit in the face and was bleeding? bullshit. instead geno got called for tripping when he was nowhere near a wing.

but geno and sid get man cards for their awesome shootout performance and epic bromance in the post-game photos.

 
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Puck Huffers by Kimberly Davidson and Zoƫ Hayden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.