A salute to the fallen.
Hearing about Godard's injured groin grieves me. Certain Pens parts should never, ever be injured. Crosby's gluteus maximus, MAF's central vermillion tubercle (pointy upper lip), and Dupuis's supercilium (you can guess that one) all come to mind. 4-6 weeks is a loooong time.
May high fives heal you, Eric. We need you back soon.
To end the injury curse, Pens have been upping their karma like, whoah.
Sid met with a veteran who brought his 87 jersey and Stanley Cup Championship banner to Afghanistan. The Taliban are biiiig Ovie fans though, so after shooting up his Pens gear, they also left our vet, Justin, with a metal plate instead of bone and nerve damage in his elbow. Dicks.
Notes on this photo: Matty Cooke wants that jersey sooo bad. And Sid has been downing cans of spinach at a rate that would alarm Popeye.
Pens love their vets so much that Mario allowed Justin to touch him. Jealoussss.
Next up, the OG of saintliness hosted 11 year old Hodgkin’s survivor Michael at the Mellon for a skate. He's from Ottawa, but we'll overlook it because Mario did and the kid says he's a serious Pengins fan. They did some drills together and Michael summed up Lemieux's play with, “He is really good and still has a good shot.” Yes, Michael. You're not in Ottawa anymore.
So, Sens. Lets review that Malk's fourth career hat trick was on Dec 23rd v the Sens. That was a night that his parents were whooping it up and Vladislav Tretiak was in the building, but nevermind that. Game was 8-2.
So fucking ready.
Puck drops and MAF saves. They're comin' out swinging.
Make Me A Milkshake Malkin
Feds to Nick Johnson, who does magical things and passes to Malks. Geno shoots just over the glove of Elliot. Woooooooo! 300 NHL points for Fedotenko.
Bourque starts dissecting Mike Fisher's engagement to some chick from American Idol. 15 goals before engagement, 2 goals after. Lange suggests leaving that analysis to Dr Phil. His pop references are a little stale. Fisher hears this banter and grabs his Louisvile slugger and heads for the parking lot, but then doubles back and decides to score.
That's the face of a man who is about to become a professional purse holder.
Cooke goes to the box and the Sens fire a semi-automatic at MAF. Man makes 3 saves on the PK. Like a minute later Ruutu's all up in his business and Kelly gets a rebound.
Second starts with Kovie in the box. He's sprung and Tanger sends him right back in so Kim can continue to have her way with him. Kris is like your bff who knows what you want even when you don't. What a human.
At first, I thought that this photo was Chris Neil trying to make a hit on Gonch. After a lengthy review, I realized that this was a depiction of my Saturday night during high school:
Here, you see Sergei (me) trying to duck down and sneak past the truly frightening man in the face paint (Dad). Neil (my brother) wasn't as prepared and totally didn't see him standing guard so he has to hit the deck. Thank god the Batman/Pens fan who failed art class is totally asleep after his 8th beer (again, Dad). The yellow bro is my shoulder angel who is appalled that I might be sneaking out for nefarious purposes. The jersey bro is my shoulder devil who is going to double high five me after I make it out the window and through the bushes without tearing my totally hot dress.
No, Milan. You may not have a goal. You are not even my favorite Michalek.
Letang is denied, denied and then puts the puck past Elliot right after the buzzer. Sens are pissed. Whatever.
Third starts and Neil goes all psycho on Eaton and murders him. No photos due to graphic violence. MaxTal and McKee both try to make Neil pay with a beating, but he is a pansy and refuses to drop the gloves.
Spezza puts one over Fleury's arm.
Brooks is piiiiiissssed. He starts swinging his stick like a tire iron. To calm your hyperventilation, observe:
Smooth at all times.
McKee has been diving to the ground more times in this game.... pucks cower from his beastliness.
Refs decide to ignore all penalties in this period. MAF is pulled and Foligno puts it in the empty net.
Alternative Three Stars:
3. Johnson - Handled Potash with a wink and a smile. And that hair....
2. Sarge - For being on the ice for the entire game and for being appropriately disgusted by Fishers' camera ready man-prettiness.
1. JStaal - Youngest NHL player to 300 career games.
All is not lost.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Posted by Intern Ann at 6:23 PM