Tuesday, December 29, 2009

like you're stuck in velvet snow




This isn't Brooks's first rodeo, he totally knew about this shiz months ago.

Last night, the team bus got stuck in the snow in Buffalo three blocks from the hotel. Danny B wasn't gonna have any of that, so he got out and pushed, as did everyone but the players. Sir Bill: "It was the coaches, the PR guys, the website guys... the real strength of our team."



Amazing.

So, Eaton's back from his mini-break and Rupp has been moved to Malk's line. Everyone's excited about Team Canada's roster announcement tomorrow. Sid's acting like he doesn't know that he made the team and MAF says he might not sleep tonight. Precious.

We beat the Sabers last time, but we weren't up against this guy:

Smokin.

Puck drops and the announcers are chatting about Talbot's lack of goals. He's just too busy eating City of Champions Crunch to score. It's understandable. That cereal is delicious.

TK doesn’t like riding the bench, so he shows Coach by taking on the entire Buffalo team. He's weaving and chips it towards the net, where JStaal puts it in. Discussions of Kennedy's moustache commence, as do comments about Jordan's nose.

1- 0

Panic briefly sets in as Fleury gets wildly out of position and there appear to be 3-ish pucks on the ice. Shots are flying everywhere, and the puck drifts behind him, just wide of the post. Chaos. MAF survives.

Just before the period ends, Billy G decides to resuscitate me and shoots from the right boards. It goes under Miller's blocker arm and he doesn't even try to flinch. Somewhere, Brodeur waits for his Olympic call.

2-0

Second period starts and Errey has said "Bylsmagic" far too many times tonight.

Sid tears in with a three-on-three and Kunitz follows it up with a goal. Woooo! Press does not recognize Kuni as the man that he is, so I give you Sid.

3-0

Miller gets pulled for the first time this year. He chucks his gear down the hall and I'm surprised he hasn’t shanked someone with that icicle yet. Steigy doesn't remember seeing him at the morning skate, so maybe that hints at something. Patrick Lalime is back.

Suddenly, for the second time tonight, MAF is nowhere to be found. The puck is inching towards the line and McKee dives onto it. Buffalo's strategy quickly changes from get puck into net to get McKee into net and Gaustad prods Jay in a delicate area.

No goal.

Penalty shot time. Drew Stafford is hanging out at center ice forever while they review the situation. Probably thinking deep thoughts.

Yeah.

He goes five hole and scores. 3-1

Safford got benched last game, like TK, so he's on a mission to prove himself. This might be why he decides to break my heart and score on a rebound.

3-2

MaxTal has his second amazing chance of the night and his stick breaks just as he shoots the puck. The man is trying, hard. Third period starts and Gogo blocks a shot with his foot. He's hurting and limps off the ice. Apparently, McKee had kevlar covers made by a prosthetics company to protect his feet against breaks. What a man.



Brooks is frustrated, so he lifts and dumps Vanek onto MAF. Vanek lands elbow first, WWE style, on Fleury's chest and Flower takes a while to get up. Never good.

The Sabres appear to have been reduced to two players, but they're freaky good. Some combo of Stafford and Gaustad did something and they called it a goal. Whatever. 3-3

Adams goes for boarding and Pominville gets another past Fleury. FML. 3-4

Flower has been a jedi for the last 10 minutes and he is pulled with a minute and a half left.



Penalties, penalties and it's four-on-four. The last 25 seconds are a complete clusterfuck. The puck is chilling under the ref's feet, Kunitz goes Looney Tunes and morphs into the Tasmanian Devil. He's spinning men around like ballerinas and then to cap it all, Malk's stick breaks.

The game is best summarized by this:

Booo.

Alternative Three Stars:

3. This Guy - Probably missed all of Buffalo's goals, which is how the game should have been watched.


2. Kennedy - Don't call it a comeback.


1. McKee - Fancyboots took a stick to the junk to help MAF out.
What a human.


Devils tomorrow.
Go Pens.

5 comments:

Molly said...

"McKee - Fancyboots took a stick to the junk to help MAF out.
What a human."
Agreed.

ANovak017 said...

Poor boys..they didn't even have to push the damn bus.
I hope they take their anger out on Fatty Brodeur.
Oh and Yzerman definitely took Marc off that list..no call tomorrow...loss of sleep will be for NOTHING.

MouthGuard said...

Pens Chimp could have pushed that bus with his thumb. Oh wait, chimps don't have thumbs, do they? Sigh. But they have BALLS. Big hairy balls.

It's time for these guys to bust out their hairy balls and put games away when they're 99% won, goddammit. I hope Dana, Meloche, Yeo & Crew forced the girls to push their bus all the way down to Jersey to help them digest what happened - barefoot and in snow pants, no less - after probably the best American goalie in the NHL pulled out for the first time in forever. He pulled out, for crying out loud! I can't believe the team fell for that Lalime dryhumping that followed. Was he really that good? I'm curfuffled and befuddled. Somebody please explain.

And I'm not taking the polish off my toes until after the full moon passes. Maybe that'll break the hex. Or make it worse?

Positive: I tried the rum ball recipe and I was officially down for the count for about 12 hours. :) Thank you for sharing! When I regained consciousness, Leif Garrett was on Biography whining about how much he hated disco...

Allison's Mouth Full of Tang said...

I tried the rum ball recipe too! covered mine in liquid chocolate... awesome

CrackerLilo said...

I'm still shaking my head over this one. Unfuckingbelievable.

For the past couple months, I've thought Jay McKee might bring a whole lot of interesting to the bedroom, given his ability to endure (hell, *invite*) physical pain and his willingness to dress in bad drag. He probably won't be all that interesting this week, though! I was feeling sympathy pains in parts I never even had!

Neither Fleury nor Miller made their cases for the Olympics last night, but we'll see soon enough.

@ MouthGuard: I found myself thinking this team desperately needed some monkey discipline after the game. Next time, they can definitely push their own damned bus.

Oh, and I found out about this stupid-ass article calling Bylsma the worst coach in the NHL this morning. (Hooks Orpik from Pensburgh fisked it.) I thought this called for a drink named, you guessed it, Worst Coach in the NHL.

Let's go Pens!!! Get those Devils!!!

 
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Puck Huffers by Kimberly Davidson and Zoƫ Hayden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.