Sunday, October 25, 2009

WHY THIS WEEK DIDN'T SUCK

You might be saying that last night was a down note. Pens lost, Leadership Richards fucked up David Booth's life like the winner that he is: really just a lot of uncool shit. But! There are reasons to be pleased with your life. Perceptive PH readers will have noticed:

1. David Booth didn't actually die and was released from the hospital today. Thank fucking God.

2. Our best friend and lover is being a goddamned hero.
Blue mouthguard, sexy third uni. . .Cal, sweetheart. Come to us. No, seriously. We're not trying to be ironic here. What a fucking goal.


3. That one thing you know we can't get finish the post without mentioning.
Uh, yeah.
Things are still going really well.
9-2-0 is nothing to sneeze at.
Our faith in Curry is strong and we thank him every day for the blessings at hand.
Yet, humility is key, folks. If we deserve this position of power we must continue to earn it.
Feels good though, don't it?

4. If you know where to look, the latest high-school-photo-esque headshots of the boys are floating around.
Note Cappy's poise and championship smile:

Let's not forget Brooksie's hair:

Or Eric Godard looking like he needs a case of beer and a bunch of bros with which to belt out Barrett's Privateers:

And, shit, look over here, somebody just got a little somethin' somethin' in his juice box:

Feel free to browse the list at NHL.com until the Penguins website gets its shit together. No one knows why they have some awkward picture of Matt Cooke as a Capital. At least we know the truth.

5. Alex Goligoski is still beasting it up. We were so skeptical of his contract extension, but he's been delivering. We miss Gonchar's steadiness at the helm on the PP, but did you want to be a record-breaking night for Martin Brodeur? Us neither. Thanks, Alex.


OTHER NEWS
In a conspiracy against Curry and country, it has been revealed to the world that President Tyler Kennedy dislikes Nationwide Arena. Actually, a very interesting read. We imagine that MaxTal, Billy G, and KTang into spats with Cappy about the integrity of Philips Arena. We can blame this friction within the team if the boys would suddenly drop a bunch of games while seemingly fighting with each other.

Ovechkin did some shit again, is actually getting fined. Wow, he's talking to the ref about it trying to get his team out of killing a penality. What an annoying Crosby-esque move. Still, we're cool with Ovechkin as long as he continues his contractual obligations to the Sasha and Zhenya Comdy Hour with Malks.

So. . .yeah. Last night was sorta lame, but the week as a whole DIDN'T suck, which made this list a lot harder to compile than it has been in the past.
When your team has a winning record, it's hard to bring HOPE. But in the form of Canadian folk music and Cal Clutterbuck, we hope we've delivered.
The season's off to a rollicking start, isn't it?

Oh, October. . .
GO PENS.

17 comments:

Ashferddd said...

Of course this week didn't suck. Eric Godard wore pimp suits all week like it's his job. Oh wait. . .

Plus, the birth of the FSN drinking game. It's worth a shot. No pun intended.

For all of you bitches (including myself) heading to Columbus next Friday, I pray in the name of Curry that we Pens fans take that place over, no matter how much we loveeeeeee Stevie Boy and Fattie Nash.

Mouth Full of Tang said...

I'll be there loud and proud! No Fatties for me this friday.

Ashferddd said...

@ Mouth Full of Tang - the only Fatties that will be near me are called Timbits!

CrackerLilo said...

That article's awesome. I am now visualizing the argument over Phillips Arena between Crosby and Guerin in the locker room, along with snide little comments whispered to each other during a Thrashers away game.

Poor David Booth will never want to go anywhere near Pennsylvania ever again after this weekend! Glad he's okay, though. Damn, the Flyers make hating them seem as easy and natural as breathing.

The pictures are just too perfect, and they really do look like high school yearbook photos.

ANovak017 said...

@ashferddd and mouth full of tang..where are you two bitches sitting? b/c i will be harassing my blue jacket loving friend the whole game.

mer said...

Ten points to you for Stan Rogers. I saw his brother, Garnet Rogers, last week. Amazing.

laurrrabeth said...

brooks your hair looks sexy pushed back

Annie S said...

I swear, this year everyone's headshot looks either sexy as hell, or like they just got arrested. But of course Max just looks like a smug-assed bastard. ;D

Ashferddd said...

@ANovak017 - I'll be in one of the upper levels behind the goal. I know my tickets were cheap, but my sister bought them. But I'll make sure to wear my white Kunitz jersey, because right now I'm the only bitch in the 'burgh who has it :)

ANovak017 said...

@ashferddd i'm going with my friend who has partial season tickets. i'm in 204..upper level. and i'll have my customized jersey my brother got me. 17 Novak =)

Ashferddd said...

@ Annie S - where's Max's picture?! I need to see this thing of beauty!

Ashferddd said...

Nevermind. . .I found it! And it is a thing of beauty. He and I need to be friends.

Allison's Mouth Full of Tang said...

@anovak017 and ashferddd
I stil don't know where my seats are, casue I am getting them from some long lost family member who is a season ticket holder. I will be rocking a white Lemieux jersey though. As soon as I find ut where they are, I'll let you know.

Need Ice In Phoenix said...

The new mug shots are great. I love Mr President's smile. That man knows something the rest of us don't.

Want to see the best "nobody told me they were taking pictures today" shot? Check out Shane Doan.

Megs said...

I'm surprised that nobody listed the Verizon Center as a crappy place to play. I've only been to the Verizon center for a concert, but my friends have told me that it's a crappy place to see a hockey game. Same with MSG at least according to what they said.

@Annie S. - You're totally right about the pictures. They either look hot or like mug shots. My favorites are the hot pissed off looking pics lol.

I think Bill Guerin's head shot is hilarious and awesome. The look on his face just screams "Yes I know that I'm a badass!" Either that or that he's da boss.

Also, for sheer amusement, I checked out Sykora's picture. I swear that man never has a bad hair day at all.

@Ashferddd - If you become friends with Max, make sure to invite all of us (at least me!) along for tapas or happy hour lol. (I heard somewhere that he's known to hang out at bars and go to his friend's tapas restaurant in Pittsburgh)

Finally, on a side note, I had some weird dream this morning. I don't remember what it was even about, but what I do remember was that I had a beer with Jordan Staal. Randomness! I told my parents about it and they're now teasing me that I watch too much hockey. (Does anyone else have this problem?)

Allison's Mouth Full of Tang said...

@Megs I rather enjoyed the Verizon Center. I thought it was really nice. I could see MSG's lighting being weird, I could never put my finger on it, but it really is very yellow like one of the Pens said.

CrackerLilo said...

@ Megs: I think Verizon's just fine, but Caps fans can ruin it. ;-) (Beloved and I went there to see a Wings game last year.)

Guerin managed to combine sexy and sleazy in that headshot. He sends out some very interesting vibes for a "respectable family man." I loved it, too.

A couple weeks ago, I'd read an article in National Geographic about scary-ass prehistoric crocodiles (I know I'm a geek), and then got pissed at Crosby for taking stupid penalties with Excalibur...I mean, the new stick. Sure enough, that night I dreamed of fending off a huge, scary-ass crocodile with a hockey stick! It's just your subconscious going through all the "files", as it were, in your brain.

 
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