Wednesday, September 16, 2009

we've seen this beast before

There was in fact a time when you thought that defense of the Stanley Cup might involve getting shut out in the preseason by the rookie squad of the Columbus Blue Jackets.
Some kid named Maxim Mayorov was going to have a hat trick while Sidney Crosby was held scoreless.
But it was the preseason, it didn't matter, you were probably too busy laughing at the dude in E28 wearing a Dallas Stars Marty Turco away jersey.


First period, people beat the shit out of each other, and the Pens had nothing to show for it.
Deryk Engelland = bloodthirsty monster of doom

Second period = stunned. Maxim Mayorov? Really?

Entering the third period down 3-0 with Mr. Undefeated in the National Hockey League Daniel LaCosta in net was like the kiss of death. . .but preseason style so whatevs. Nikita Filatov had an assist. It tingled in your pants the same way it did when you first saw a commercial for High School Musical 2.

Then, of course, Sid took over the world a little, with some help from Eric Tangradi, who was charging around the net as if it had been threatened by terrorists.
Chris Conner nabbed one for the big tie, but then some other kitten got Brad Thiessen to slut it up to make the score 4-3, with only two minutes remaining.

Kunitz and Sid and everyone else with a Cup ring coming to grace their perfect hands had a special meeting at this point and decided that the jig was up. They also may have slipped LaCosta some vintage puka shell necklaces. Either way, Our Hero Daniel's life ended and Kunitz put a pretty one in.

Overtime was a joke.
Kunitz wide-open in the slot? Sidney Crosby with a fairly awesome pass?
Sorry Dan LaCosta. We ruined your record.
But, as with all preseason games, no matter how cool it is it really doesn't count.

Some miscellaneous notes:
- Alyonka sang the national anthem. Jeff Jimerson was not in attendance. Scary.
- PA announcer filling in for John Barbero doesn't know a goal announcement from his own asshole.
- The Blue Jackets bus had a lady standing outside it with a clipboard who had all of the players state their names and provide identification before they were allowed on the bus. In a perfect universe, this happens because the Blue Jackets organization feels that their boys need a little extra looking after, so they are monitored at all times and asked to abide by the buddy system for all excursions outside of the arena. Clearly Jakub and Andrew Murray are buddies. Jared Boll is exempt from the buddy system because they're trying to figure out if he can find his way around a city alone for the amusement and morale of the team (they're not sure if he can read).

Defense of the Cup: so far, so good. It's not our Cup anymore, kids. It's everyone's. It's our job to take it.

PENS WIN
5-4 OT
WHAT A GAME.

Note: this recap is fake as hell because both Kim and Zoë are in varying states of death. We love the Blue Jackets and we love the Pens and this game didn't actually matter, so it's what you can consider a win-win situation.
Ken Hitchcock approves this message.
R.J. approves that Gatorade bottle.
Jakub approves his own haircut.

WOOOOOOOO
Nothin' like overtime to get the people excited.

Go Pens.

18 comments:

Ashferddd said...

The game was awesome, I'm not going to lie. What's even more awesome is getting the Captain to sign my jersey and LeSwoon and Simon Despres to take pictures with my friend and me!

Hockey is backkkkkkkkkkkk. I approve

shortside40 said...

First time commenting :) I discovered your wonderful blog sometime during the short blissful summer of taunting my Philly cousins. Thanks for the totally amazing and in-depth analysis of the Pitt games. I'm a WBS season ticket holder so I really enjoy hearing about the antics of the boys who've gone from here to there. I can't wait for the Black n Gold game tomorrow!! Every time Sid is on the ice, I'll be picturing him with a lightsaber instead of a stick.
Ok, I'm done now! :)

Annie S said...

UUUUHHHHHHH yeah.

Quite possibly best morning ever.

Pants N at said...

Uh, wow. At first glance, I thought R.J. "Mr. Pittsburgh" Umberger was taking a big tasty bite out of a green bell pepper.

But it's just a sport fluid. Boo. Boring. Disappointment.

More peppers!

Tarbot said...

Ahh...Jake's rocking the mullet again - sweet memories of his junior days as a Moosehead

Ashferddd said...

@ Annie S - That's better than me OH MY CURRY

AmyB said...

@Pants n at:
HAHA. That does need to be a pepper.

Julia said...

all i can say is thank god hockey is back just as i was about to DIE

DRAGON said...

The game was awesome and practice today was even better! I got Sid, MAF, Billy and Despres to sign a garter for my wedding on Saturday. Sid looked at it and said "HA... Never signed one of these before..."

Annie S said...

@Ashforddd - allow me a moment to gush about Sid. He just came up to us by the fence to sign our stuff - he didn't even wait for people to ask him to come over. We couldn't really tell if it was him at first because he was wearing his hat, but as he was walking closer I was like, "No way... no fucking way..." He spent like ten minutes with us, making sure he signed everyone's stuff. I got some other players' too, but GUUUHHHHHHULAGHULAGHLAGHA Sid is fucking incredible.

With the awesome seats at the game last night, two practices and student rush again on Friday, this is probably the BEST WEEK EVER. I love everybody right now. Grad school research papers? What are those?

(For the record, Fleury smells *fantastic*.)

/creeper-stalker

endsiny said...

@Pants N at - Oh my gosh, I totally thought the same thing when I saw that photo on the AP wire last night! We're pepper jaded, haha.

endsiny said...

@Annie S - I am sooooooo jealous! Okay, I'm jealous of all of you who are remotely close to Pittsburgh and not stuck in the depths of Texas hell, haha. But that's awesome! Hope you had fun! :D

Ashferddd said...

@ Annie S - MAF and Tang both smell delicious. So does Simon. And where were your seats? A5 Row C (rush) for me. I won't be there on Friday, sadly. Buccos game LOL.

And I'll forever be jealous even though I still got Sid to at least sign my jersey.

1wingangel said...

SLDKFJA;KJLASLDKJF PETR SIGNED WITH THE WILD.

He will be with Prince Cal this season.

He will be in Christmas colors.

Do it Petr.

debrisslide said...

Petr will love to be on a trapping team again. Cal and Christmas colors = sweetening the pot.

Annie S said...

I'm happy that he's found a place, but I'm still gonna miss him. :( At least he didn't got to Detroit, Washington, or the Rangers.

*looking up when we play the Wild...*

1wingangel said...

Check out Petr's interview. Guess who's stall is directly next to his.

GUESS.

laurrrabeth said...

@AnnieS i'm so happy for you!!! that's awesome. i went to camp on tuesday and got to sit directly behind the glass. definitely made eye contact with malkin. i was fangirling soo hard. so ashamed. made eye contact with granato too. one of my ovaries exploded. SCARY ASSS STARE.

@DRAGON OMG that is the best thing i have heard all week. i love it. LOVE IT. despres is basically 12. you so took away a little piece of his innocence. and i loveee it.

IT'S A HOCKEY NIGHT IN PITTSBURGH

 
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Puck Huffers by Kimberly Davidson and Zoë Hayden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.