Monday, September 21, 2009

for the love of canadian whiskey

The game started with a Simple Plan interlude and an almost instantaneous sighting of Pierre McGuire. Televised preseason with NHL network? An indescribable taste, like cum in the back of your throat. You wanted it but you'll have to clean up afterwords.
Omens everywhere. Anything could have happened.
What is the identity of the Montreal Canadiens? asks James Duthie.
Clearly puck possession and hard defense.
Youth hockey turns your children into majestic birds.

Aaaaand Curry in net? Heaven has arrived.

Bill McCreary resides in his fortress of Barad-Dur, awaiting movements of interest. This is going to be a wicked evening.

Right off the bat, shit is fast-paced and crazy like we're on a mission, like we just realized the Cup ain't ours anymore.
Already Crosby is stickhandling while prostrate on the ice, John Curry is standing tall before his children, and Deryk Engelland and Eric Tangradi are beating the living shit out of established individuals in the league.
TSN announcers are audibly giggling about how we won the Cup.

If there are any doubters in the crowd, Curry silences them. Multiple times.
Price continues to defend his 2008-2009 Cam Ward Memorial Trophy title.

And, unsurprisingly, Pierre talks about men sensually. In case you were playing the Staal Brothers Drinking Game at home, you could have taken two shots in the first. And if you're playing that during a Pens-Habs game, feel free to e-mail us for some good alcoholism help lines.

Late in the period, Brian Gionta commits heresy.

Caputi tries to save the motherland, but the heritage of CamCam runs deep.

Second period starts a lot calmer.
You feel insanity setting in.
Blah blah blah. Only a matter of time until. . .
GONCH BLAST, and Montreal will no longer be burned in hellfire.

Lovejoy flips the puck over the glass just to see what will happen.
Wait. . .penalty.
Curry had this happen on purpose because he knew Benny would, immediately out of the box, would set up Malkin to make Carey Price give back his PH Trophy.
And Curry Stands Tall.
Let us pray.

And so goes the period.

Gionta has an amazing chance in the slot. Goes wide. Montreal has some PP but you don't actually realize it.

Jaroslav Spacek tries to kill Crosby and gets a 4 minuter.
Period ends, cutting it short.
We will now listen to Craig MacTavish talk about how the world is made of pussies unless their names are Craig MacTavish.

And apparently Billy G wants to be fine at us.
Whiskey anyone?

Apparently everyone accepted.
To start the period and work on the power play, we give up a shorthanded goal to Scott fucking Gomez.

Further heresy later on. Latendresse will be tested heavily during the Inquisition.


After some bullshit Cammalleri runs into Curry in a blatant act of disrespect to the Lord. Late PP city. One of those moments that would matter in the regular season.
Billy G doesn't play preseason games.
Buries it.

Has one more big chance with Curry pulled to do it again. Eh.

It's cool for the Habs to beat the Cup champs in a preseason game.
Our only selfless concern is: how much will this matter in April?
Answer: clearly a lot.


- Why do Habs fans boo so much?
- Eric Godard eats, sleeps, and breathes penalties of all kinds, and yet he's still among the best team players we have.
- Burning at the stake in Montreal tonightttttttt.
- bitches we got this



ANovak017 said... extremely pissed i didn't even have the opportunity to try and multitask between this and house tonight. damn soccer game.
at least there were some cute guys there.
go pens. thursday cannot come soon enough!

The Goon Blogger said...

Eric Godard does all those penalty things, except fighting majors it seems.

What are you doing to me Godard? What did I do to you? Why are you hiding those beautiful fists from me? Why do you make me cry myself to sleep?

Annie S said...

It seems every time I have to miss part of a game or listen to a game on the radio, they lose. As soon as I tuned in last night the Habs scored three unanswered goals. Maybe I should just take one for the team and not listen to half games anymore... 0_o

Ashferddd said...

I hate Montreal. The. End.

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