Monday, June 29, 2009

"one of you bitches go grab me a drink"

Puck Huffers staff is pleased to announce that we will be resigning with the Penguins for another year, taking a 50% paycut.
Because as it seems, paycuts are the trend of the day.

Craig Adams.
Why, hello sir.
Two more years at a $50,000 paycut.
At first we got a little nervous, but then the financial word came out and we were pretty pleased. There's a good chance that this is a bad sign for Ziggy, but we're not making any declarations because we don't want to look like assholes when it all goes down. We're going to stay away from too much speculation. You know the chant. In Shero we trust.

Also on the table today was Grandpa Guerin. We were anxiously awaiting word and we weren't let down. Billy G, we look forward to one more year of opportunities to convince you that a threesome is just what you need before retirement. And for two and a half million less? *ahem* Sir, you are looking more fly than ever.

We're happy because this means that Billy is happy as all hell being on this team. Which was obvious from every piece of media gathered over his time here, but the Isles fans kept wanting us to believe otherwise. If there's anything you can count on, it is that a team will willingly overpay an old player. We're glad he'd rather hang out with us for another year. Let's be honest...who wouldn't?

Tomorrow might hold some fun new stories about resigning players, but for the most part we are holding our breath for the first. That's when shit gets ugly. Or beautiful. As you know, priority number one over here is Mr. Scuds. His resigning is paramount. We're ready to light bags of dog shit on fire on some front porches if need be, and we hope that you will be willing to join in those festivities. We'll bring some torches if you can gather the pitchforks.

In our down time in the past few days we have been just a little more bored than is healthy. This led to the creation of the most epic quiz in the history of Quizilla. WHICH PITTSBURGH PENGUIN IS YOUR LOVER. Clearly we urge all of our lady readers to go take it and discuss the accuracy of their results. Well, we also urge the male readers to do the same. We'll just understand a little more if you don't want to publicly discuss it.

Anyway, keep strong in these hard days of free agency. We know it's difficult to not freak out sometimes, but at least you don't have to worry about games at the same time. You can look at all of this through the Stanley-Cup-colored glasses that get passed out upon becoming the best team in the history of the universe. Or something like that.

Woooo!
Go Pens.

LATE EDIT
Offers have been placed on the table to Heavenly Curry, Ben Lovejoy, and Timmy Wallace.
Thanks to Raybin for the tip.
Not so sure about Benny being a top six defenseman, but whatevs, we love him.
Go Pens.

31 comments:

Kristyyy said...

I got Flower, sorry Vero. Hopefully that is 100% accurate.

News that we just signed Billy G. for a year. It's time for a drink...now it's only 5 more years until I can legally get drunk for the Penguins. It's my parents fault that they leave a keg. In a fridge. In the basement.Unlocked.

wrap around curl said...

I got Billy G.

I was expecting Tangers.

ANovak017 said...

I got Max..and the picture used for the results is priceless. hahaha oh god I am so exhausted.

My fingers are crossed for Bobby Scuds and Sykkie..even though he's pretty much gone. =(

Pants N at said...

Billy G. is my lover. But shouldn't there have been some prompt, like him having chug a bottle of scorpion whisky, or having him have to go put the tv on for his kids the morning after?

My boyfriend got Max Talbot. I hope I get to come along and visit his awesome vampire-Falling Water-house when they consummate that relationship. I'll leave behind a bottle of scotch, OF COURSE!

Maggie said...

LMAO I got Brooksie ok wasn't expectin that but I will take that
all damn day

Jess said...

Tanger is my true love, apparently. I accept this. Call me, Kris. We can chase unicorns together.

The Adams and Guerin signings make me so very happy. Now bring me Scuds!

In Shero we trust!

nightsky73144 said...

...Scuds...

???


and, great work by Shero so far!

I am pleased with the signings. I will hold out faint hope that Petr returns...and probably dissolve into tears when it doesn't happen.

Annie S said...

I got Brooksie! I'm going to retake it again numerous times to see everyone else's pictures in the results.

I also love how easily it is to tell who is who from the questions. *snarf*

And oh, hey, some epic signings today. Hopefully the fact that both of them took pay cuts to stay with this team will inspire Scuds to do the same??? I can only wait and pray to Our Heavenly Curry. Shit's only started to go down.

Simona said...

Godard! I love that video of him and JStaal fingerpainting with lil munchkins.

The choices in that quiz had me rofling real good. Nothing like a Pens quiz at 1 AM.

I'm so glad Adams and Billy G were resigned, Billy especially. You know that dude is so fucking happy to be staying, and so are we.

Pensational said...

I got Tangers, yum.

Holly said...

ok I've been lurking in the depths for awhile but the quiz was the most brilliant piece in the history of quizilla that I had to comment.

this blog is fantastic -- oh I got Max -- had tears in my eyes "May God have mercy on your soul. You must enjoy fail things, hairiness, and getting crunk."

great stuff

Aubrey said...

I got Tanger too! I posted "Kris Letang is my lover" with a link to the quiz on my Facebook. My sister accused me of cheating, took the quiz "for me" and got the same result, lol.

eyebleaf said...

MAF is my gay lover. As long as it wasn't Talbot, I'm good.

Allison's Mouth Full of Tang said...

Well, as the guinea pig for this quiz, I got Mr Kristopher Letang, and knew it was a legit quiz.

Then I retook it, filling in the options that I knew would give me specific players.

I love how predictable some of the players are. Godard ,however, is elusive.

utterfrivolity said...

I got Fleury! \o/

I was kinda deeply concerned that I would get Crosby--just, I may have a slight thing for the awkward and inexperienced, alright?--but I don't think he was an option?

Anyway, I am pleased that I didn't have to manipulate my answers to get the result I wanted. Utterly adorable always wins as far as I'm concerned.

Hand of Godard said...

Billy Guerin is my lover and I'm not ashamed to say it.

1wingangel said...

I got Tanger.

I would be more than happy to share a box of Reese's Pieces with him at movie theaters and fix his ties in the morning. I'm going retake this quiz until I see every possible result, because I love it.

Ashley said...

Kris Letang is my lover. OMGOMGOMG. YES PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Although any of them would be fine (Sid, puh-lease?), I will take Kris Letang in a heartbeat. I'll cherish his signed jersey that I have more than ever now <3

And I'm praying to Sir Mario that Curry comes back, since it kinda doesn't make sense to pray to the man himself, right?

Juls said...

I got Max... the caption below his picture was priceless. : )

JSt11 said...

They're all my lovers. But really, I got Godard. Which makes perfect sense since I get major beer muscles like no other. We could go fight people together and drink beer and play Xbox. I couldn't resist that answer. Now I'm gonna go back and play with the answers to get a specific player on purpose for the hell of it. Nice work, bitches.

Candy Man Fan said...

BROOKS WE ARE LOVERS. THERE IS NO DENYING IT NOW. Call me. Let's make babies.

/crazed fangirl moment

TheRangersFan said...

Congrats on resigning Adams and Guerin!

As for my lover its Fluery.

wmh said...

I got Fleury!

I'm going to keep taking the test with different answers until I get all of them.

Carol said...

Me & 22% of the rest of the quiz-takers got Tanger -- oh most definitely yes!

Anyone watching how much fun Billy G. was having playing on a line w/Crosby just *knew* he was going to come back, but to re-sign for SO much less $$$ -- just proves, again, what a complete, total, absolute STUD the man is!

JSt11 said...

USA Olympic hockey tryouts.

Free Candy, The Virtuous One, Whits, Bugsy, and Sid's long lost lover JJ. If JJ took the quiz, his result would be Sid.

jovi said...

hahah i got flower. interesting.

AmyB said...

YAAAYY I got Fleury LOLOLOLOLOL

captain badger said...

JESUS I GOT BILLY GUERIN. Tragically, that was with my pretty much 100% honest answers.

Scott said...

Billy G!

I saw that coming once it asked if I like experience and F'ing on back porches.

Caitlin said...

i think am your 66th follower.. pretty fucking awesome number! after lurking on here forever i finally joined... yeah, i'm that girl who sent that malkin pic one time. anyways, great quiz. i vote for more. you'll be seeing comments from me a lot more now. Max's caption.. so amazingly fantastic. ps- i fucking love you girls!

Anne Of Tha Rocks said...

Omg! I got Max!! =D I hope it's 100% accurate because omg, what a life would it be! I don't mind sharing him with the other ladies that got this test, I'm not greedy ;)

«Max Talbot is your lover. May God have mercy on your soul. You must enjoy fail things, hairiness, and getting crunk.»

I don't know what crunk means and I'm too lazy to research it in my french/english dictionary so... I think it's a beautiful word if it's used in that sentence XD

 
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