Wednesday, June 24, 2009

like a 2 a.m. phone call from the hospital.

If you're in a good mood right now, as we were before this story happened, please navigate away.
Come back later, when shit is not as good.
Enjoy that Slurpee.
Finish the hilarious conversation with your friend.
Keep listening to late 90's pop and dancing around your room in your underwear.
These are the things we would have liked to have done in our final moments of childhood. Before IT happened.
Save yourselves.

Okay, hopefully now the only people reading are those of you whose dogs have recently died, who are being audited by the IRS, and have just realized that you probably aren't winning the $10k on the Eat 'n' Park scratch off tickets.

Are we being overly dramatic?
Fuck off.
As the early researchers of Petr Fevr, we are devastated. Our disease is on the brink of eradication in the greater Pittsburgh area, so says this article from Kukla's Korner.

Quoth the translated Petr: “It is possible I could stay in Pittsburgh, but I feel it is better for both the Penguins and me that I go to another NHL team.”

We know nothing's over till it's over, but that doesn't keep us from worrying our parents with undignified sobbing in the middle of the night. Petr Sykora is not only a favorite Pen of ours, he is a long-time hockey hero of ours. Seeing him come to the Penguins was orgasmic and tear inducing, making his leaving what can only be described as an equally, if not a more so tear-inducing anti-orgasm.

At this moment, we request you not try to reason with us. Yes, we understand that maybe it is in fact his time to part with our team. Yes, we get that his ice time was down and that maybe there are better options for the Penguins at this point. Fuck off. We get our time to mourn. Even if it's just a quote from an article, we reserve the right to act like 12 year old girls clutching hockey cards for a few minutes.

And then we reserve the right to start drinking away the pain.
We'll talk about things more rationally when AND IF it happens for real.
We just wanted to make sure you had this to arm yourself with.

Go Pens.

26 comments:

Allison's Mouth Full of Tang said...

I am so very sorry for passing along the Pety article.... obviously, you would have found out eventually, but you would have had less time to fret and sob. I should have saved this photo for after bearing the bad news, I could have warmed your heart back together. Or something like that.

mer said...

Mer = Devastated.

Not stunned, but I'm still going to mope around like a surly sloth and scratch the eyes out of anyone who dares to reason with me...

I kind of knew it was coming. Doesn't mean I like it one effing bit.

Annie S said...

There are legit tears streaming down my face. I had an awful feeling.

Please, Petey... don't go.

crmzak said...

But... but... Sykie good pass? :*(

anovak017 said...

petey will always be a penguin to me. once he scored the game winner in game 5, i was in love( mainly because he's number 17 and i have an unhealthy obsession with that number), but IF he leaves, i'll follow him..and if anyone takes 17, i don't think i'll like them.

JSt11 said...

It's okay to be upset, we're fans. It's Shero's job to separate emotions from it. All I can say is ='(

Simona said...

As long as nothing's official, there is still the tiniest glimmer of hope. All the same, this makes me really sad. I keep thinking of that giant excited smile on his face all season long. :(

Ashley said...

Whatever happens to Sykie, I'll still love the man. Always have, always will. No matter where you go, Petey, I'll still cheer for ya :) (although Pens 'til the end!)

Candy Man Fan said...

I read that a few days ago and have been in denial ever since. I told my friends I want Sykie to retire from hockey and host IPH or something so I can still see him on a regular basis.

if he gets traded, I will wear black that day and cry myself to sleep that night.

Cat said...

It's just wrong. All wrong. He can't leave. The team will never be the same without his smiling face. My heart is broken. That's all I can say. :(

Anna. said...

that picture of Duper and his kids gave me chills.
so damn adorable :)

if Sykie leaves, my life will never be the same.
just thinking about his Game 5 OT goal
and getting his first hat trick this season.. I love that man.

Mullets and Peanut Butter said...

Since I'm still at work, may I leave reflections on a microbiology theme:

Petr Fevr is like viruses from the family Herpesviridae (it's exactly what you think it is), it never leaves you and will attack at the most unexpected of times. It is always with you, no matter what.

Unlike real members of the Herpesviridae, Petr Fevr is not contracted from intimate contact with Kris Draper.

I cried when Jagr left. Get some Tequila; we'll all need it.

Allison's Mouth Full of Tang said...

@Mullets- I cried when Jagr left too... but mine were tears of joy. I hated him so much during that final year with the Pens.

Roxy said...

OMG.
WHAT
THE
FUCK.
NONONONONONOO >.<

*DEVASTATION*

Laura said...

This is the worst news I have ever heard in my life. I hope he doesn't go to a shite team, as I am going to have to follow him while he's here. I don't want to have to sit around and watch a shitty team just to continue cheering for him.

Mullets and Peanut Butter said...

If The Fevr must leave, the only destination I can support is Columbus. They need and deserve a good case of The Fevr, and it's not too far for me to drive there to infect others with The Fevr.

@Allison-I can get that. I'm the first one to admit that Jagr's a pretty big biatch who could benefit from some Prozac in the gatorade and a call to that 1-800-GAMBLING number they put on the pittsburgh buses with the casino advertisements. It's much easier being a Jagr fan when he's not choking the life out of the Pens.

But, because this is PuckHuffers, I will freely admit that there is something about his inherent trashiness that is incredibly appealing. I'm just cursed because when I first "noticed" boys in the early 90s, I was sucked in by the mullet and Camaro. It's the Fayette County in me, can't help it.

debrisslide said...

Mullet and Camaro? He'll take you down the crick and give you some Natty Light. What a maaaannnn.

Allison's Mouth Full of Tang said...

I was sucked in by the mullet and Camaro. It's the Fayette County in me, can't help it.
BWAAHAHAHAHAH


anyway, i seriously wanted him gone soooo bad that last year.... and over the years when i spoke of my distaste for him, people around here would be like "yea, well you loved him when he was with your team, you just dont like him playing against you." im like "NO! i hated him at the end! I was happy he left!"

that was my first taste, at a young age, that hockey players were not the gods i made them out to be in my head. jagr stole my innocence.

Mullets and Peanut Butter said...

If you get the chance, I highly recommend picking up Jagr's autobiography on half.com for 99 cents. It's the best money you will spend on the internet. Once you get it in the mail, get a couple of bottles of Boone's Farm and prepare to cry from laughter.

Classy moments include: discussion of shopping at outlet stores; the quote "I can really stuff my face;" wrecking the Camaro; crying for his mom; and more images of mullets, denim jackets, and acid washed jeans than you'll see at the Perryopolis flea market.

Allison's Mouth Full of Tang said...

oh jesus.... no way....I have no idea how i didnt know he had a book.... I will be getting that this summer.... I actually collect hockey books. Just added two new ones today from my friend who just came back from Canada! Now I have 34 :D

rach the h said...

Great...just when I think I've got enough inspiration to stay up to write this paper, I read THIS.

Sigh. I'm gonna need more coffee.

mer said...

@anovak - I have Petey's jersey - a 2008 playoff jersey (it's my only Pens jersey) because of that one goal in Game 5.

@mullets & PB - I must own this book.

@allison - I collect hockey books too! It didn't start intentionally. Then I realized that I'd bought 10 of them in far fewer months... I buy books like normal girls buy shoes... I have a wish-list of about 30 hockey books (some out of print) -- my pride and joy is my totally vintage 1984 edition of Ken Dryden's The Game: the best book EVER written.

AmyB said...

"Mullet and Camaro? He'll take you down the crick and give you some Natty Light. What a maaaannnn."

LEGEND


Resign Petr Fevr. JSt11, I think we need to break that sign out.

JSt11 said...

AmyB, we could bring it to the Pirates game tonight. It would confuse everyone, but it's the spirit and effort that counts. Right? I'm not getting rid of that sign until I know furshur what's going on with Pety.

Annie S said...

Has anyone heard anything further on this?

I'm guessing no news is good news, right?

Right?

*cries in a corner*

My god, if we don't resign Petr AND we don't resign Scuds, my heart might implode from teh sad.

AmyB said...

JSt11 Let's fucking do it. That sign has amazing powers. Remember the last time we brought it to a sporting event?

 
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