Sunday, May 24, 2009

who expected this?

Hey, it's Zoë, and I'm recapping two games in a row because we were at the big screen and that means FAKE RECAP CITY WOOOOOO. Kim will be with you for game 4. We'll stop doing this soon, we promise.
Especially since if we go to the Finals the good folks at NBC will make sure that no one can watch it outside the arena for the majority of the series!!!!!!

With the Pens heading to Raleigh to play the Hurricanes, the team that does nothing but come back, the team that has "Game 7" tattooed on their foreheads, we expected to face some adversity.
Going down 3-0 in a series is not what the Carolina Hurricanes are all about.
They come hard. They're not going to give you a lot of room.
Or. . .well. So we thought.
Our boys are on the verge of advancing to the Stanley Cup Finals for the second straight year.
We didn't expect it to come as it did, but we're basically murdering them. We hate to be homers and say shit like that. But. . .we kind of fucking murdered them.

Here's how:
First, Matt Cullen pretends he is a vampire Blingee long enough to give the Canes an early 1-0 lead.

Cameron and Sid are evidently having some disagreements about who puts what where in bed.

Then, Pens get some PP and Tim Gleason epicfails by clearing the puck directly into Evgeni Malkin, who walks in alone on Ward and changes his life forever by scoring. Bill Guerin kisses him in celebration. No, seriously. At 1:07. Unfuckingreal.

We were fine with the tie at this point. This was supposed to be a relatively difficult road game.
Escaping the first with the tie would have made us feel pretty good.
We thought we were going to get that, but then Crosby had other ideas.
Sweet Jesus.

Then, with less than 15 seconds left in the period, Malks goes to the net like he needs a tying goal or his season is over.
Pens jerseys at the glass = clutchhhhh
3-1 before you can breathe.

The second was blahhhhhhh.
Canes start the third hard. You see Samsonov batting in a big Fleury rebound to make it 3-2 and wonder if we're going to lose the series or something.
I mean, the Canes are supposed to be tough to beat, right?
No one photographed Samsonov's goal, by the way. We think the press is protesting Fleury not getting shutouts or something.

Malkin, instead of going in for his second consecutive hat trick, leaves an absolutely beautiful drop pass to Fedotenko, who tells Cameron to suck it.

With a 4-2 lead, the rest of the game seems to float away. Canes leave Ward out of the net on a neutral zone faceoff. You could smell their desperation over the stench of the rivers in Pittsburgh.
Craig Adams pokes the puck off the faceoff directly into the empty net, with some help from Jussi and his black mouthguard.
Fuck yes.

The best part is that late in the game the Pens got some PP, and they put out Eaton, Guerin, Kunitz, Fedotenko, and Boucher. The Canes let Billy G get wide open in the slot, and he backhands it. That was not an innocent shot. That was not the shot of a guy whose team is up 5-2 and on a PP with a little over a minute left in the game. If you listen to Joe Beninati, he isn't even excited to announce this goal. It's actually kind of cruel. So is Billy's skeezy old man face as he celebrates with Kuner:

Boucher and Bayda try to beat the crap out of each other before it's all over. Boucher gets the extra 2 for some shit but the game is basically in the books.


- Cam Ward's GAA against the Penguins this postseason is 5.33. GAA can be a bullshit stat, but that's kind of. . .whoa.

- JStaal took a huge elbow to the head at some point that wasn't penalized (*insert more whining here*) and was a -2. Eric Staal had 6 shots, but was without a point, rated a -3, and was an abominable 28% on 18 faceoffs. Just like we asked before. . .have the Staals become irrelevant in this series? Has the matchup changed? You'll probably be less drunk than you expected to be, at any rate. For that we apologize. There were still some unreal brothers references by Mr. Beninati this game that should have had you sitting back on the couch feeling all warm and alcohol-y.

- Max had a bunch of quality chances. I love him so it means a lot to me. All Kim can talk about is what a failure he is. Not because he actually is, but because my love for him is often easy to pick on.
He worked his ass off. If he continues to get chances like that, he's scoring Monday Tuesday? (This series is long as balls. The NHL needs an enema.) Bank on it.

- This is what we're up against:

- Malks and Gonch are the most adorable Russians to ever live:

- We saw the girl that the Pensblog guys affectionately refer to as Carrot. We have no idea what she was up to, but it was a special moment in our lives.

- If you can learn to drive in Pittsburgh you can probably drive anywhere. Do it as often as possible.

Well, now. That was fun.
We're exhausted.
It's a fucking Saturday night.
Go Pens.


wrap around curl said...

I swear the announcers neglected talking about the Staals to sabotage the drinking games taking place.

Nulpher said...

Due to the lack of Staal references, play the game with Bacardi 151 to compensate.

Just keep some standard proof stuff just incase they do cover the Staals alot (To avoid drinking yourself to death).

SteveThePirate said...

I was making shit up just to start drinking, bad timing for my first go at the game. BUT, awesome game. It was great to see Craig Motherfuckin Adams sink one from what appeared to be Maine. I hope we somehow resign everyone, especially Scuds, since he has a tendency to make opposing forwards give up on their hopes and dreams.

25superstar said...

there were no Staal bros references until the THIRD PERIOD! Well, that's when they got tired of focusing on the Pens scoring again...and again. woooo!

mer said...

i swear i nearly fell asleep in the second. did you see max's interview???? he wants entire GAMES like that? HELL NO!!!

i'm glad I wasn't the only one...

@25superstar - clearly you weren't watching CBC: they wouldn't effing shut up about how EStaal's gone soft. They all but said the words "he's letting his brother have this one". If we'd been drinking, we'd have had alcohol poisoning from this one EStaal shift alone.

Ashley said...

Next game is Tuesday, not Monday :)

I'm not happy I had to miss this game, but I've been told it was pretty epic, so I'm happy.

And Craig Adams = beast.

Jess said...

The lawn was nuts last night, in the best possible way. I love this city.

JStaal with a monster night on Tuesday. Bank on it.

rach the h said...

Totally called the Craig Adams goal, if only because I love him and wanted him to have a two-point game. The Pens are undefeated in the playoffs when he scores. Let's keep that up.

And I'm expecting a Talbot hattie on Tuesday.

1wingangel said...

Watch this Rob Scuderi, American Hero interview. You won't pay attention to a word he says. Not only is Scuds shirtless, but virtually the entire Pens roster walks behind him, some also shirtless (KTang). And Fleury... well, he takes it another step further.

Drink it in. Go Pens.

Sarah said...

wow, 1wingangel, that was a find. He was all kinds of neekid, wasn't he? I'm glad I wasn't born male. No way could I ever walk around that naked in front of people. I'd be the guy all the other guys laughed at.

JSt11 said...

I remember Versux saying something like, "the 2 Staal brothers squaring off for a faceoff" at the very end of the game. Other than that, I watched the Buccos game during intermissions and drank whenever the LaRoche Bros were up to bat or touched the ball on the field.

@1wingangel, thanks for pointing that one out. I think Talbot patted Scuds on the back or something too.

@rach the h, tell people about the Pens being undefeated when Adams scores. Just don't mention that it's only happened twice. It would be funny to see people's reactions to it. Probably the same people who were upset about Adams being on the ice instead of Godard would be like ZOMG WOW WHAT A BEAST!!! (Not jobbing the people who wanted Godard in during the physical Philly series because I totally understand that yins wanted protection for the players.) I'm loving the Adams love today. Beastly PK with pecs. DILF

JSt11 said...

tPB didn't include my artwork in their post today, so I feel the need to share this: WORLD DOMINATION

Pens_Addict said...

Wow, can't focus right now, so tired from the past however many hours it's been since Monday... These guys are seriously trying to kill me with all the driving and stuff to come watch them!

Zoe, Kim, hope you guys enjoyed the birthday cake! And all the pictures you got to look at during intermission*

1wingangel said...

Sarah and JStll - Yep, I love how all the other guys and their shirtless selves just breeze right past the camera's view, but Fleury just... stands there, so naked and barely holding up a towel.

Oatmeal Love Affair said...
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Oatmeal Love Affair said...
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Oatmeal Love Affair said...

Chicago needs this:

Behold:ThepoweroftheBlingee.Do it.

Oatmeal Love Affair said...

Lame. Each word in the post above is a different Blingee. I couldn't get the spaces to work :(

Annie S said...

I think after you make a link you have to put in the breaks yourself - you might try < br >< br > after each link (without the spaces) to separate them.

MadMax84 said...

I'm starting to think Versus caught wind of PH's Staal drinking game and put the kabosh on too many references. It was silent last night, in terms of references, compared to the regular season.

How much do you love Tenk's goal-scoring faces? It just screams, "Weeeee!!!!!!!!!"

Billy Guerin's, meanwhile, are lecherous in the best sense of the word. That stick-handling and saucer pass to Sid made my heart flutter.

@1wingangel: Way to bring that out in the open, after I saw that Scuds vid after the game, I sent it to just about everyone I know. Those microphones are well-placed (or poorly placed, depending on how desperate one is for some MAF net action).

Also, Disco did an interview in the hotel lobby, and it is the sauciest thing I've seen in awhile. It has the crappy, hotel decor going, and there's the elevator music in the background. Muzak makes hockey talk that much sexier.

Aubrey said...

First, holy shit that's the second best interview ever! (Number one still being MAF saying he's not in Geno's pants.) It played all the way through that video and part of the next one before I came to and replayed it. So much skin!

Secondly, in regards to the "Redneck Nation" sign. I'm confused. They're proud of that?

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Puck Huffers by Kimberly Davidson and Zoë Hayden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.