Thursday, May 7, 2009

the ponies send their love

I have returned from getting drunk and sleeping on beaches and hanging out with TK's entourage.
They said "what's up?" to the PH community.
And then tried to eat my sweater.

While many amazing things happened while being temporarily homeless and in unfamiliar territory (shout out to the Kitty Hawk Hooters for giving me last night's game) possibly most important was my religious voyage to Wilmington, Delaware.

As most of you probably know, Zoe and I are on a constant mission to apologize to Mark "30 Dicks" Eaton for the many, many months worth of slanderous mumbling (screaming) we did towards him. We never really knew what we could do to properly cleanse our souls and be forgiven by Curry. That was, until I saw an exit sign for Wilmington. Mecca was awaiting me.

So, after kissing the Wilmington Visitor Center's sign on behalf of Zoe and myself, and thanking the entire city for his existence, we feel that the weight has finally been lifted from our shoulders. If you are wondering "Wait, do I have to travel to the birthplace of every hockey player I have wronged in order to ascend and be with Curry for eternity?" the answer is YES. So start making summer plans. You have some ass kissing to do. Or sign kissing. Whatever. We don't need your sass.

Another fun fact about Delaware, other than the fact that its wondrous people produced the likes of Mr. Dicks, is that it seemed like the entire fucking state was covered with sod farms. We now believe that JStaal and T. Dicks Esq. are BFFs due to several of the following conversations:

JStaal:
"I am sick of these people talking about my sod.
Dicksfantastic:
"Dude, people don't even KNOW about my sod."

Of course, Eaton will never replace TK in Jordy's eyes, but really, when someone has that many ponies they kind of have to be promoted to BFF status if at all possible. Mark understands. He's as cool with seconds as Dion Phaneuf and Jarrett Stoll.

Oh snap.

OH WAIT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT HOCKEY
Canucks lost. While Zoe's cactus Roberto is sad, we're actually pretty pumped.
Sorry if that means we're no longer friends.
But really, we have the ponies now.
They aren't as cool as you, but I mean, they'll comfort us in our down times as long as our sweaters are tasty. We can see why TK adores them so.

Khabibulin just sat cross legged on the ice outside of the paint for the entire game, simply willing pucks away from the net. Photographic evidence is available so don't try and act like it didn't happen that way.


At this point in the night, DET is leading the Ducks 4-2 after the second. We clearly don't approve. Someone get Niedermayer, we have some pointers involving hotel rooms and whiskey.

Speaking of, thanks to everyone who let us know about the tragic fate of Guerin's stash.
It's almost embarrassing. But luckily no one in the hockey world really gives a shit because the Montreal media is doing a ten page write up on whether or not a Kostitsyn sneezed last week.

Whits with two goals in the third period. You heard it here first, unless it doesn't happen, in which case we retract that statement. We have that power. Once you go to Wilmington, Curry might bestow it on you as well. We'll see.

The west is whatever anyway.
The east is all that matters.
Strike that. The Pens are all that matter.
Go Pens.

17 comments:

Pens_Addict said...

I don't know how much longer I cna stay up to watch this game! I want to see it all... but I spent all last night looking up different pictures and videos of the Pens and their players sans shirts... it was a beautiful thing. And I found a video of Sid singing Slow Motion... it was too much!

And I think I'm rambling... so to cut this short:

Pumped about tomorrow! Go Pens! Woooo!!

meecrofilm said...

Enjoy Wilmington, everyone.

If you can see my avatar, you know that Eaton always has been and always will be my boy.


That's still an epic story though. Kudos to yinz for properly (e)atoning for your sins ; )

wmh said...

i don't know if i would go to slovakia for satan. sorry, babe.

Candy Man Fan said...

my friend Erin, who reads but does not comment (eventhoughsheshould) screamed "HE'S FROM DELAWARE" at the top of her lungs when Mark Eaton did...something the other night. I cracked the hell up. last night we made a list of ridiculous things we screamed at the game and I decided that was by far the best.

1wingangel said...

Love the Outer Banks and the secret stash of First Ponies that live there. Where exactly did you find those feral horses? I'd love to pay tribute to TK when I vacation there this summer.

The Hawks win was magical. I love my Western Conference Babies.

Oatmeal Love Affair said...

The Pens were on "30 Rock" last night in a clip of fake SportsCenter. I don't know if this information has already made the rounds.

Screen shot

utterfrivolity said...

First, I must say that I appreciate the thought a couple posts back. I just started a new job that apparently never ends and also can put me on a bus to Wisconsin with no notice, so I am a bit behind on my blog reading. Luckily I've been so sleep deprived that the Wings' loss barely sunk in before last night's domination.

Second, OMG WEDNESDAY. I watched at work, first impressions be damned. What a fucking game. Wish I could bring Letang a bottle of whiskey. Since I can't, I can only offer to subsidize anyone who can make that happen.

MadMax84 said...

Wait, that snake whiskey is, like, a real phenomenon?! (Shudder) So gross, and yet the timing is so great to coincide with your spectacular post.

Eaton's never ruffled my feathers in a bad way, but now that I know he knows/lives with sod, the man's untouchable. Meecro's always known where it's at.

Also, looks like I have to book it to Thunder Bay for jobbing Staal pre-contract-extension. And Boston for Whitter (who, it should be said, can really rock the beard. Totally forgot until I watched the game). And there's no way in hell I'm jetting to Unibrow land until Satan scores the GWG to give us the Cup. Seriously. That's the only way I'll feel I've sufficiently been proven wrong for jobbing him. I'm a hockey bitch like that.

Glad to hear the presidential pony ranch was all that, Kim. And when I saw you had a tip about "Guerin's stash," I thought you were talking about his "stache." I was going to angrily comment about "What does a guy have to do to earn his beard's approval?!" until I clicked the link, paused, and went " ... Oh."

LET'S GO PENS!! AND BABY PENS!!

Amy said...

Whiskey.

Pensational said...

I meant to post this after the last game - Geno shaved his playoff beard before game 3 and then played like Jesus. The mystery of the playoff beard...

Nulpher said...

Once I regain access to photoshop and my digitizer tablet, I will be making a Eaton "Bitches don't know about my Sod Farm" shop.

Amy said...

Baby Pens won 5-3 too. CRAZY

Allison said...

didn't the baby pens win 6 - 3?

but still, creepy similarities

Pensational said...

Oh my, I wonder what Billy Guerin has in store to light the fires for game 5 --

If you watch his post game on pens tv he answers a couple questions and then abruptly says "I gotta go"...

Very cryptic... I think he has to go pick up supplies of some sort.

Amy said...

Hahaha. I fail at reading scores. I thought the game was over.

JSt11 said...

Amy is a dumb fucking betch. <3 DILFsma <3

Amy said...

We're doing our sign now. Its gonna be SO SEXY. Watch out world <3

 
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Puck Huffers by Kimberly Davidson and Zoƫ Hayden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.