Thursday, May 28, 2009

farewell hawks

First off, we're going to keep a running tally for everyone of how many bags of Hint of Lime Tostitos we consume this summer. Today saw the emptying of #4. They may or may not be made entirely of cocaine and MSG.

We would say something about the game tonight, but there really isn't much to say. Huet stood on his head. Dan Cleary is a moron who got lucky with his stick in the right place at the right time. Kaner's goal was SICK.

None of that matters now.

They had an amazing season, but the pieces aren't all there yet.
They'll have their chance at it, and we'll probably be behind them when they do.

We all knew that the Red Wings were going to win this game and that the Penguins would be in Detroit on Saturday.
We knew it.
Everyone did.

Here's Hank not touching his trophy.
It's called mojo, Henrik.
And we have it.

If you're a human being and not a gremlin, you really fucking hate Tomas Holmstrom.
Seriously. We just hate the Wings. Everything about them. Some of their players we like, but we've decided that to be considered clean they have to serve a minimum of two years with the Blue Jackets organization to learn how to be lovable and play hockey with all the fun parts included. As opposed to Red Wings hockey, which destroys all accepted definitions of "fun" in all languages, including Swedish.

No one knows what the fuck is up with Lidstrom and Datsyuk.
Or at least we don't. Because it doesn't matter who we're playing. We just have to win.

This is our year and we're taking it.
Still in awe over what pimps everyone has been?
Yeah, us too.

We've also decided that there is no use for the term HOPE anymore in relation to this season or these playoffs.
We don't hope. We just know that we have what it takes to get the job done. Hope? Who needs hope when you genuinely have the ability? We'll leave it up to the boys. They know what they're doing and they can make it happen. It's out of our hands. Hope and $1.25 will get you a 16oz. Coke out of the machine. And what if it eats one of your quarters? Well then you ain't got nothin'. Hope may be a currency in some situations, but at this time of the year in the National Hockey League you just have to be good.

Play your heart out. Don't get us wrong. The Pens have the ability to show more heart than almost any team in the league.
But when you have heart and you're good and you're on a roll to fucking begin with?

We're ready.
Tomorrow we'll talk some more about how we're ready, probably.


utterfrivolity said...

It is in no way the Pens' fault that the Wings have half a dozen injuries and are playing with four d-men and have back-to-back games this weekend. The Pens will take the advantage, and that's hockey.

But if Ericsson somehow makes it to the rink this weekend, and someone goes after his non-existent appendix? I will lose all ability to be civil about this series.

Teams aside, the scheduling of this series is stupid as shit. There's a reason playoff games aren't scheduled back-to-back, and it's because they can last for-fucking-ever. How many people are going to become fans if they tune into the Sunday game after a triple overtime on Saturday? Not to mention the people who watch all year and want good playoff games, or the teams who play all year and deserve good playoff games. The league is run by idiots.

btw, if any of you thought the Wings sucked the fun out of hockey last night? I really don't even know. What a game.

Basher said...

What do you consider going after his appendix? If we throw good solid body checks at a defensemen who shouldn't be playing, that's hockey. You can't blame us for being a little more sure to finish a check, I'm sure the wings will do the same to gonchar. If we start throwing body blows in the form of punches or stick jabs, then I agree that's a rat move. Same could be said if the wings take some slashes at gonchars leg.

AmyB said...

I don't think the Wings suck the fun out, personally. If I didn't hate them so much because of last year, I'd think they were kinda fun to watch. I doubt anyone will try to injure people. If the guy is injured and can't take a check, he probably shouldn't play though. But whatever. We have no say in any of it.

25superstar said...

i am so pumped.
Cappy carrying the Prince of Wales off the ice is a sight for the ages. Wow.

Simona said...

utterfrivolity: The NHL's scheduling makes me want to cut a bitch. Back-to-back games to start the Finals?What a joke. Can the NHLPA overthrow Bettman or something?

I can't explain how fucking excited I am for Saturday. Dgaweojfkwefj the excitement is making it hard to form coherent thoughts.

rockhopper said...

Epic post. Really one your best. Talk about getting my mind right. After reading that, my mind = right!

rockhopper said...

Meant "one of your best."


Waiting impatiently for Saturday.

Let's Go Pens!

debrisslide said...

utterfrivolity, last night was an amazing game between two teams that were pretty well matched at times. But when the Wings are on their game and winning, PH staff over here really doesn't like to watch it. There's a reason why the Wings are your team and the Pens are our team. We don't want to alienate you in this series, because we love each and every one of our readers and commenters, but it's what you're going to hear from us. :(

Kimberlass said...

Zoe is kinder than I. I'm barely allowed to ever address the Wings.

I would become a Flyers fan in a heartbeat if it meant Detroit would explode in a fiery mass of death.

Chubs said...


Detroit turning into a flaming mass of death? Now there's a project that'll take a while...

mer said...

kim, you just made me LOL, and I barely ever LOL.

@ all - there is no hope. there is no doubt. there is simply a strange feeling in my gut (as there has been for most of 2009) that everything in the universe is falling magically into place. last year, all I wanted this year was a rematch (given that I am, first and foremost, a SENATORS fan, that is saying a whole hell of a lot). I am still in mild shock that we're getting what I wanted (I never get what I want), but part of me is completely unsurprised. I knew they would do this. This is why I put my faith in flightless birds. I'm not even sure I can be nervous. Not unless the Pens end up down 2-0 on Sunday night. And even then, I somehow know that we will persevere.

Annie S said...

Mer - I know EXACTLY what you mean. I've had this feeling since the end of the Game 6 loss to Washington that no matter what, the Pens are not going to be denied this year. In the presser afterwards, Sid was practically oozing smugness and confidence, with no worry or doubt at all. He just knew.

I can't even collect my feelings at this point - it still seems so surreal. That picture of the team heading off to the dressing room with Sid holding the PoW trophy is legendary and iconic. I just know that last year, as unbelievable as their playoffs were, I know I was nowhere near as confident as I am now.

JSt11 said...

I have a soff spot for the Hawks and their rising young talents. They got some experience out of their run, just like the Pens last year and even 2 years ago. I have a feeling that the Pens and the Hawks will meet in the finals during the Crosby/Malkin era.

It just feels like the rematch with Detroit is meant to be. Please don't hit me, but I also have a soff spot for Lidstrom. During the finals, it's a different story obviously. BRING IT.

Annie S said...


AmyB said...

Annie, he is a man possessed. There's no reasoning with the kid.

AmyB said...

JSt11, I think your soff spot for Lidstrom is because he is Svedish.

JSt11 said...

@AmyB, it doesn't hurt, but half of the Wings are Svedish too. 1:00 mark.@Annie S, sweet pic. And critics say Sid doesn't have fun. Plz. That's crap. He is rather maniacal in pics lately. I LOVE IT.

AmyB said...

Hahaha. You read my mind with the Svedish. "My bum is on the Swedish. Swedish.."

nightsky73144 said...

"If you're a human being and not a gremlin, you really fucking hate Tomas Holmstrom."

...right. Now, honestly, I don't HATE the Wings (though, I probably will come to that within the next 48 hours or so). I have rooted for them in the past, on a couple of their Cup runs at least (esp when they had Murphy playing for them - Murphy's one of my all-time favorite players).

However, I DON'T particularly like watching them play. And, I do find them machine-like (a well-oiled and very efficient machine, to be sure).

It is time for the Pens to emulate Edmonton in the early '80s - to end one dynasty and start a new one.

...and, the scheduling does suck - I mean, they are looking at playing the back-to-back games this weekend with start times less than 24 hours apart. That is just despicable.

I actually cheered louder when Sid grabbed the Wales Trophy than I did the whole game (maybe because I was that confident that the Pens were going to win). Good for him, and good for the team! It certainly never hurt Mario and the Pens in '91 and '92.

Let's go, Pens!

Annie S said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Annie S said...

JSt11 - I know! I love it when Cappy cuts loose.

(Let's try this link thing again...)


Annie S said...

I just keep finding shit - has anyone seen the new Cabbie video with Guerin???

Jedi mind tricks

utterfrivolity said...

@Basher et al - I don't like it when the Wings go after injuries, either. As AmyB said, if a guy is injured and can't take a check, then he shouldn't be playing and it's on him. But I don't think it's cool that guys specifically try to re-injure other players or exacerbate an injury to get a player out of the game. It bugs me that targeting injuries is an accepted tactic in hockey.

@Zoe - I'm sorry if my comment came off as negative; that wasn't my intent. Everything I write is probably coming off too serious right now because I'm working a zillion hours a day and am exhausted. I just wanted to say that last night was a damn good game. And as always, an incredible and hilarious post.

@Kim - As much as I don't understand it, I kind of love you for that comment.

@nightsky - Have you heard Murph when he does commentary? If not, I may have to find you videos. There aren't words to describe it.

Now off to a dinner meeting...augh.

Kat said...

Poor Hawks. Knew that one was coming. I couldn't bring myself to watch it because Jonny's sad face would absolutely ruin me. They'll be back for sure. Anywho, time to get my mind right because there is only one team that matters above all others and we still have a chance. This is our year. Damn it.

@the cabbie video, who knew Billy G was such a crack up. I hope he hangs around.

AmyB said...

Cabbie's vids never work on my shitty computer. I have to wait for them to go on youtube. Its sad because I am kind of in love with Cabbie.

@utterfrivolity: Please find videos! I dont have NHL network and I'm very curious about Murph's commentary. I bet its awesome.


The Goon Blogger said...

It's been a while since I've posted on here. Kim and Zoe deserve everything they get from this blog and I just like to be a humble reader mostly. But I must speak.

People want to talk about how this isn't about revenge or about hating Detroit, or hating Marian Hossa, it's about hating the Red Wings as an organization, and they're half right. This is entirely about revenge, about being in that photograph and never wanting to be in it again. Can you all taste that taste in your mouth? When Ozzy made a sprawling save on Sidney Crosby and Hossa pushed it wide as time expired? When Malkin, Staal, and Crosby laid on one knee while a see of red celebrated on our ice? Bottle that taste, use it as a condiment for everything you eat. Remember.

My mind had been a blur about the Cup finals, forgetting how we lost these games, remembering only that we lost them. We must remember it now. The white washing we got in Detroit, the spanking on our own home ice twice only made close in cases because of last ditch efforts.

Zoe and Kimberly mentioned this, but I'll go further with it: The Red Wings conduct hockey like it's a business, which, I suppose to an extent it is. Getting a contract, hiring the right people, etc. It is not business on the ice. Hockey, unlike any other sports, runs purely on emotion. How does Rob Scuderi get up after he blocks a shot sometime? Emotion. How does Petr Sykora seem happier when Pascal Dupuis got his first career hattrick than when he got his own first? Emotion. For those of you that have skated, how does it seem nothing else matters when you can hear the ice scraping between your feet? Emotion. This is what hockey is about.

These Red Wings kill. Just like the old Soviet teams killed it. They were so fucking good but they never seemed to care about being good. They were BAFFLED by Team USA beating them in 1980. If you ask me, it wasn't because they were beat, it was how Team USA celebrated. Joy for winning something that meant something, not even a Gold Medal game, but something important none the less. This is why Sid touching the Prince of Wales is so special. Winning the Prince of Wales is special, without it, you don't even get to try to win the Stanley Cup.

There are so many little things in hockey that are beautiful and should be celebrated. The end result may be the most important, but it is not the only. Detroit acts this way and I hate it.

We are not the team we were a season ago, we are better.

Annie S said...

Goon = fucking unstoppable.

That pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Allison's Mouth Full of Tang said...

I knew my pondering of where Goon had gone to last post was a good idea. Little did I know what legondary words he had in store.

TheRangersFan said...

One of the Russians were quoted as "They were team" in explaining the lost to the USA team. It is a simple statement, but rarely in any sports do see that fully embrace what it is to be a team. It is more than just functioning as a unit on the ice.

The 1980 USA team had that special quality that is more important than any skill or system. I honestly think that the Penguins also have that same quality. Go Pens.

The Goon Blogger said...


"I'm not looking for the best players, I'm looking for the right ones."

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