Sunday, April 26, 2009

get off the dick

Okay, guys. Seriously. That was a really awesome game yesterday. The boys had a day off today as a result and will work out tomorrow as they await their Round 2 opponents. But we cannot go getting comfortable in this business. Will we see Petey again next round? Will the power play ever start clicking? How much canned heat do we have left in our heels?

Thank goodness we have this rest period. There is a pair of game sevens coming up, one in Washington between the Caps and the Rangers, and one in Jersey between the Debbies and Team Pillow Lips. The Penguins could face any of four possible opponents depending on the results of these games.

Washington beats the Rags, Canes beat Jersey, and we have to deal with the Capitals in the semis. No home ice in this world.
Honestly? We'd rather not.
It would be satisfying, but. . .eh.
The idea of having these faces shoved into our line of vision for weeks at a time is worse than dealing with the Flyers.
At least Mike Richards' leadership never had him involved in a legitimate MVP debate that we have to field questions on.

Say the Rags beat the Capitals and Jersey still goes down. We would have home ice. . .against the fucking Hartford Whalers, Godzilla Boy, and Rat Bastard Cam Ward.
Do not want.
Someone rinse that shit off.
Does anyone have stain remover?

If Washington comes out on top and the Devils put EStaal in his place, we have to go to Boston.
Nothing we can't handle.

If the Rangers avoid complete collapse from the inside out somehow and the Devils still win, shine up your MAAAAAAARRRRRTTTYYYYYYYYYYY chant for yet another round 'cause we got Jersey coming to town.
Jesus Brodeur.

No matter who we get, it will be a fucking battle.
And it is for this reason that we are having a
Make as many Blingees as possible before Round 2.
This is not a contest, there are no prizes.

[Melissa] has already started.
Make an account on and send them to us at
We will have a Blingee rally post before Game 1.

Also, in case you bitches forgot, we are having a contest as well that will last throughout the Penguins' playoffs. Round 1 is over and we need some fucking entries.
1.) Get yourself a shirt from Pittsburgh Steel Rocks and put it on.
2.) Make us a sign. Get creative, use your sense of humor. Make it referential to PH or the Penguins somehow. Again, emphasis on creativity.
3.) Go to the most fun location imaginable and get someone to take your picture.
4.) Send us that picture: Put "WE CAN DO THIS" in the subject line.

Best photo wins a Pittsburgh Steel Rocks shirt of your choosing and a miraculous napkin drawing by Kim.

If you're bored, we have just provided you with many possible activities to fill your spare time.
Let's stop touching ourselves over the win last night and get down to business.


Pensational said...

Go Canes and Rags (the more Staal in the playoffs, the better).

I like Carolina, even that rat bastard Cam Ward.

You guys are right though - round two is a totally different story. No more dick touching until our boys hoist the cup!

jovi said...

thanks for the breakdown.

i'm going to have to go w/ a rags and NJ FTW. i want uncledad.

i wish we could just play the Rags ---they SUCK. geez, thank for nothing today.

katepghfan said...

hmmm - tough call on who I would want to see, but I think I am with Jovi - but that is more because I'd rather not see the Caps and their obnoxious fans get out of the first round (and the network's Ovie lovefest continue), and, much as I really don't mind Ward and Staal, et al, my hockey sensibilities are just offended by places like Carolina having hockey at all (let 'em stick to NASCAR down there) - though, the Rangers are a PITIFUL excuse for a playoff team, I will say

whoever we see, who cares - we just need to keep it rolling

Let's go, Pens!!!!!

(looking forward to all the amazing blingees)

irishhammer317 said...

good call on the openid. now i can separate my blog love.

on to brass tacks, cam ward is, in fact, a shutout-producing rat bastard. i like our chances with everyone else. with carolina, it gets shaky. that series will go to 7, and my heart and liver just can't take it.

jefe penguino said...

nice. a seizure inducing blingee-thon. ill be sure to have my meds close by.

and dont care who we play. i just want to see them play. like now.

go pens.

Kat said...

I just want to note that they played Good Charlotte at the arena during the Rags/Caps game today and I laughed for 5 minutes. Thanks guys...

Bring on whoever.

Jess said...

My problem with the contest so far is that I'm lacking creativity at the moment. And I've been putting off ordering my shirt. Gonna do that today. I can't wait to eye fuck the shit out of everyone with my Brooks shirt. Until then, I'll work on some Blingees. Maybe that will spark my creativity.

The good news is, after a hard fought physical series, the Pens are getting some rest and practice to work out some kinks. Although that rat bastard has been spectacular against the Pens in the regular season, they're probably the best shot (pun intended) at a Staal brothers series. I don't see the Pens playing the Rangers in the playoffs this year. But more importantly than having an excuse to be a raging alcoholic is home ice. Not that it changes a whole series, but it would be nice. I really think that the Pens could take on anyone left in the Eastern Conference.

Candy Man Fan said...

I already sent in some blingees last night and there will be many more to come from me. Blingees > studying for my last semester of finals. I also have a great idea for a sign, just need to figure out where to take the picture...

wmh said...

although i don't really want to play the canes it would mean a staal brothers series and i get excited just thinking about it. thing is they have fucking cam ward. ugh.

whatevs. i really don't care who the pens play as long as it's not washington. two stupid fan bases in a row does not make me excited. i don't want to have to put up with their retardedness.

crmzak said...

two stupid fan bases in a row does not make me excited.@wmh, amen to that.

Does anyone know how those shirts run? i.e. does Womens size = babydoll tee?

crmzak said...

And speaking of Staals, last night after watching Godzilla Boy score his two goals, my 9yo said, "Wow, why can't we have THAT one?"

10yo sis turns to me and doing her best Veruca impression (the 9:09 mark) says, "Mummy, I want another Staal!"

Man, this younger Pens generation are a bunch of spoiled brats. ;)

debrisslide said...

Awww. Poor JStaal. He didn't show up on the scoresheet this series but the way he was able to shut down Jeff Carter is something I'd take over Godzilla Boy any day. Jordan is going to win a Selke before he's 25.

Jess said...

It absolutely drives me up a wall when people complain about JStaal not having 4563565365 goals every year. The Pens have Sid and Geno for that. Some people (not jobbing a 9 or a 10 year old, but a lot of adults) just look at the score sheet and his salary and demand for him to be traded. They forget about penalty killing and face offs. Some people also forget that he's a 3rd line center. The Pens already have superstars on the 2 top lines. JStaal's stats should be compared to other 3rd line centers, not his brother. Don't worry, Geno and Sid can manhandle Godzilla Boy in the superstar center role.

And I agree, I don't think I can handle two stupid fan bases back to back. I know that a lot of Caps fans are new to this and all, but geez. Throwing beer on coaches? Handing out pacifiers? You're supposed to be a fan of your own team first and foremost, not a fan of jobbing the other team.

And Philly, they like to pride themselves on being "life long fans" and are therefore better than Crosby-Malkin era Pens fans. Every franchise has new fans. DUH. Almost every Philly fan I've met couldn't tell me what icing is. They just root for them because it's their hometown. Fine. Whatever, but then don't tell me how much Crosby sucks. I call them the know-it-all casual fan. Nothing wrong with having some spirit for your hometown and not being super absorbed in hockey, but then just keep your mouth shut.

Chubs said...

How much canned heat do we have left in our heels?Not sure, but Max was born to rock, Malkin built to last, never see Doop's feet 'cuz they move so fast.

crmzak said...

The funny thing about it is that my man is in fact pretty hard on the Gronk. Which, in turn, leads me to start a conversation along the lines of what Jess so eloquently points out. I know they get it because I catch them giving me a look every time daddy cringes and yells Staal's name during a game.

In her defense, she meant another Staal, as in "in addition to". They both like Jordan; they were simply marvelling at ol' Eric. And who can blame them with how well he's played as of late. Those lips don't hurt either.

crmzak said...

As far as other fanbases go... I've lived in the New England area for several years now and Bruins fans, specifically those know-it-all casual fans (i like that!), are suddenly coming out of the woodwork to give me a hard time. (Besides acquaintances knowing where my allegiances lie, I've always had Pens/Steelers stuff on my car as well, so I realize this makes me fair game to random Boston-douchebags, which is all sorts of fun, lemme tell ya!)

Ok, so, if you know your shit, fine. But remember that slump the Bruins were in towards the end of the regular season? Lost a couple games and everyone was calling local radio shows ready to jump off a bridge. Srsly, people were calling for Julien's head. Well, after the next game, this one dude texts me that the team is "back to their old selves" and "that's how a REAL team plays" trying to mess with me.

I replied, "Nice try, but that doesn't mean anything. You played the Isles."

Now I ain't gonna lie... Boston does look good this year. And they've got the cockiness factor, which I hate, but dammit if it doesn't seem to help in getting some good bounces in your favor.

Anne Of Tha Rocks said...

Well, I'm just asking myself a question, can I enter the contest without having a Pittsburgh Steel Rocks shirt? It's impossible to me to get one of theses :'( (mama hid her credit card grr) but I have homemade/handmade penguins shirts that me and my little sister made.

BTW, awesome blog, I read it for what seems like months and never commented. I got pissed about it and made up an account XD

-Anne, a poor Québec student lol

debrisslide said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
debrisslide said...

Anne, feel free to enter the contest wearing anything you think is awesome. We are stupid and didn't think of this despite being poor college students ourselves. We'll publish an addendum tonight. Woo!

Anne Of Tha Rocks said...

Well, I'm just asking a question like that... I can't get a Pittsburgh Steel Rocks shirt, but can we enter the contest with homemade/handmade penguins shirts?
BTW, awesome blog!

-Anne, a student from Québec

debrisslide said...

Yeah, that's what I meant, haha. Do it!

Anne Of Tha Rocks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anne Of Tha Rocks said...

OMG! I like stupid poeple. XD Fast answer tough =O You're so faster than my computer. I'm gonna go borrow my grand mother car and take a picture in town! =D Thanks a lot! =)

Jess said...

For the hell of it, I thought I would compare Pillow Lips to Carter in the regular season.

Pillow Lips: 40 G, 35 A, 75 Pts, +15, 14 PPG.

Jeff Carter: 46 G, 38 A, 84 Pts, +23, 13 PPG.

The score sheet suggests that JStaal would have no problem giving his bro a few noogies or pulling his undies over his head. I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself here, but how many shots if this wonderful scenario happened?

kellyn said...

I love reading Puck Huffers even though it's a Penguins blog and I'm a Devils fan. You guys are hilarious. It's nice to read about hockey from the perspective of other college age chicks. That and I'm going to have to find a secondary team to whore myself out to if the Devils bottom out in the first round of the playoffs for the second consecutive season and the Penguins seem like the most desirable option. I rooted for them last playoffs, too.

And this may prove how new I am to the online hockey fandom, but I've never heard anyone refer to Brodeur as 'uncle dad' before and can't stop laughing about it. Did you know he married his former sister-in-law, like, last summer? I remember reading it on Puck Daddy. When I found out that Brendan Shanahan was joining the Devils in January I was like, 'How many aging adulterers do we have room for on this team, Lou?' (Shanny is married to a former teammate's ex-wife or something).

Allison said...

@kellyn- haha I remember how much I laughed the first time I saw "uncle daddy." Priceless. And yea, I believe it stems from his relationship with his sister in law. That's interesting to know about shanny though.

Amy said...

Wow. I knew about UncleDaddy but Shanny? I'm stunned. Bunch of philanderers.

Candy Man Fan said...

so my friend and I had planned on havign a Ryan Whitney party tonight to cheer on the Ducks but vs decided it was a good idae to play the whole other game. GO CALGARY oh wait youre goign to loose. RYAN WHITENY WE MISS YOu even though you sucked for the last few months youw ere with us. but we boguht cake and are waiting to eat it when youre on the tv. we didnt wait to drink alcohol tho. also I HAVE FUNALS THIS WEEK BUT AM DRINKING INSTEAD. WOOOO SENIORITIS.

ps im ade more blingees. get it.

kellyn said...

I know, right? Lou likes to keep his players philandering ways under wraps. Back in the days before every professional athlete, no matter how marginal, had their own Wikipedia entry it was a lot easier for Lou to make it seem as though his players aren't actual human beings with flaws and failings and lives outside the game but rather hockey playing automatons who came into existence the moment they were called up from the farm to play for the big club.

Another reason he was so successful at it was because of hockey's relatively low profile on the American sports scene. If Brodeur were a basketball, football or even baseball player the story of his torrid affair with his sister-in-law resulting in a long, messy divorce right in the middle of the Devils long playoff run to the Stanley Cup would have been all over the tabloids. Oh, the drama.

kellyn said...

Speaking of Ryan Whitney, he just got into a fight with Joe Pavelski! Whitney got a bloody nose and everything. He didn't fight much when he was with the Penguins, did he? His fighting skills aren't that good. He looked kind of inexperienced.

Allison said...

How about the time he took Wade Redden to town?

mer said...

hey PH!

does this mean I can enter your contest in my boring Malkin shirt?

Because I don't have time to get a PSR shirt (yeah, USPS SUCKS guys... if I ordered one NOW, I would get to Pittsburgh before it got to Vancouver) but I'd love to do something...

katepghfan said...

yeah, Whitney fought - and, the Ducks won! woooo - sorry if you are a Sharks fan, but I was pulling for the Ducks (now they need to do some more heavy lifting and get those automatons in Detroit out of the way)

btw, biggest death knell to any Stanley Cup hopes: have one of those perennial losers, JR or K Tchukuk (sp?) on your team

oh, and, whatever else, Patrick Marleau has to have the prettiest eyes in hockey - I mean, the man is pretty much movie star handsome, but, his eyes especially - just, whoa

now we need Brodeur to come through, and the Rags to WAKE UP please!

Let's go, Pens!!!!!

kellyn said...

Nah, I'm not a Sharks fan. I was actually kind of rooting for the Ducks in this one because of displaced affection for Nieder (a former Devil) and the fact that if the Ducks won, they would draw Detroit in the second round. That series is bound to be epic based on the number of potential suspensions handed down to Chris Pronger alone. I'm pretty sure he has a dangerous hit from behind with Tomas Holmstrom's name on it.

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Puck Huffers by Kimberly Davidson and Zoë Hayden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.