Time isn't wasted when you gettin' wasted. I danced my face off tonight. You heard me. I'm drunk on a Sunday. And it doesn't matter because you're here at Puck Huffers just like me. I'm here to tell you why this week doesn't suck and who is more qualified to tell you than some drunk bitch? I'm here for you. Let's go, people. The Pens are the best thing in your life and you know it. Let's talk about it.
If you have a drink, would you please put it in the air?
1) The Pens are the fucking best team in the NHL and you fucking know it. You know, we might not win the cup this year. If we don't, are you going to be pissed? I'm not. We learned so much this season. This is something so important for us as fans and someting important for our young players. Sidney Crosby needed to see a loss. He needed to see what it's like when it's hard and when you're fighting for pride and for your dignity. That's what this is about. Hockey is about character and learning how it is when it's hard for your city and your team. Losing won't matter, because our lesson has been learned. We did well despite sucking for a large majority of the season. We rebounded. We can do this even if we have everything working against us. Doesn't that make you proud? It should. Our team knows how to come back when it's most important. We saved our pride. They are our heroes and they know it. What does that have to do with this week? Everything. It's a dogfight right now and it's a dogfight because we made it that way. Be proud. You have a team that worked to be contenders. If they didn't, this would just be a depressing week played for no fucking reason other than to waste time until golf season.
2) We can win the Cup. Do you understand how hard we have worked to come back to this point? That hard work could very well carry on until we have that 35 lbs. of cold metal in our hands. It's a far stretch, but really, are you ready to count it out? No, you aren't. And neither are our boys. They've been through enough to know what it takes to get there and don't you think for a second they aren't ready to work that hard again. They're ready to sit in the dressing room through third overtime with IV fluid and pizza again, but this time they won't let it slip through their fingers. We have more hope than any team that we will go up against. We've been so close, and we want to get that close again. It's so possible we can taste that sweet glory again. We have the hope. We have the talent. We have everything working for us. It's possible, and we all know it.
3) We ruined the Rags. Yeah, it feels fucking good to get that out there, doesn't it? Beating those bitches feels awesome.
4) Summer is so close. You can feel the heat in the air. It's so close to the point where we can just look back on the season and, good or bad, talk about what was wrong and what was right, and how much more awesome we can be next season. While summer is hard without hockey to distract us from real life problems, it also gives us a break from the emotional torment that is hockey. Maybe we'll be attending parades and meeting up with Cup celebrations, and maybe we'll just be talking about what could have been. Either way, it's a break for reflection and fun.
5) Alcohol is always the answer. If it all goes wrong and we failboat out of the playoffs early, Ketel One is here to comfort you. And if we take it all across the board? Booze is going to help you celebrate the win. It's all okay when you're drunk. I should know, I'm wasted. I promise alcohol is here to comfort you.
We're done here.
Disclaimer: I'm wasted on hope and vodka.
Drunk posts don't happen that often, but this is one of them.
Feel free to admire my drunken typing abilities.