Wednesday, March 25, 2009

the streets are full of anything you want.

Unfuckingbelievable.
Are we making this up? We've been known to make up some amazing games.
But we really think that this one happened.

This is the type of game we've been aching for.
A small part of us has been so occupied by getting to and staying in the playoff rankings that we sometimes forget what comes after grabbing a spot in the top eight. A game like this snapped us back into reality. We are in the playoffs, that isn't the question anymore. The question is now how far we can go in the playoffs. And after this game, for the first time this season, our main thoughts are about pouring the brandy.

There's no denying that this win was something exciting. Calgary knows our new system, it's the one they've been using for much longer than we have. We were playing for the rights to say who played the system better. Tonight, that was the Penguins. And it was incredible.

These awards are the least we can do.

MOST THREATS TO MIIKKA KIPRUSOFF'S LIFE
We can't lie. We kind of like Miikka. Is it really any surprise? He's Finnish and a goalie, what would keep us away? If you've been around for even three posts, you know us too well to expect any more from us.
Luckily this doesn't cloud our vision any.
Miikka skates onto the ice.

You are still yelling at the bitch in the kitchen to fetch you a beer -be they male or female, just so long as you don't have to get your ass up- when Gonch hooks a bitch. You're having nightmares about a special teams show and then everyone reminds you how great Calgary is at the PP. Which isn't very. They're pleased to show us first hand.

We're watching Miikka just in case we have to catch a flight to Pittsburgh and tell him what the fuck is what in order to calm him down.

We're checking airfare prices when Sarich asks to see our power play.

FASTEST FLIGHT CANCELED
We're starting out on the power play and our fingers are poised and ready to click on that "purchase" button.
You might think that's a pretty expensive flight to get into Pittsburgh, but really, when you realize that you're actually paying to get out of Philadelphia, it all becomes quite a bargain.

What would we do when we got to Mellon? Kill Miikka? Kill Mike Yeo? Just yell at the people manning the doors who wouldn't let us in so heavily armed?

We don't have time to think about it. Kunitz and Crosby throw the puck around the net. Tanger sees what's going on, makes sure it gets finished.
It was amazing. MAF is so excited he can't even hang onto a stick for more than five seconds. He keeps throwing them off in celebration.

MOST AWKWARD PHOTO OF THE EVENING
We can't even bring ourselves to caption this. If you are a stronger person, send it our way.

THE MOMENT WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT OR WE WOULDN'T BE OURSELVES
Talbot says what's up to the penalty box.
Moss gets fucking robbed by our goalpost. He'll have nightmares about that sound of metal for the rest of the week.
Feds gets a great chance out of the box from a penalty, nothing happens.
And then it starts. For some reason Crozier is brought up. Zoe was dying alive with TSN and I was doing Curry knows what when Bob Errey starts screaming about waffles.
Normally we know it's Steiggy and Errey who are high.
But sometimes they really make you wonder if you did anything unsavory in the past hour or so.
"DID YOU SEE WHAT HE WAS WEARING IT LOOKED JUST LIKE A WAFFLE. BUT IT WAS KINDA SQUARE, WAFFLES ARE ROUND NOW."

What. The. Fuck.
By the end of the period Max Talbot is so delirious from all of the breakfast food talk that he is trying to scale the wall into the press box, eyes unfocused, singing "Do You Like Waffles" in a voice that onlookers could only describe as deranged.

INTERMISSION UPDATE Tonight's infestation of penguins in our press comes from the zoo of Wuppertal. They don't even have names. North and South would kick their asses, inferior size be damned.

BACK TO THE AWARDS.

MOMENT VOMIT INDUCING YET GLEE INSPIRING SERIES OF EMOTIONS
We come out into the second look like we're hungry for it.
Everything is going pretty well.
And then Glencross and Moss take the puck to the net.
For a split second you feel sick.
You want to scream.
You might want to cry, but we won't make you admit it.
And then...
Maf reminds you that he's got this. You feel like you have a second lease on life. You will spend it watching hockey.

Steiggy and Errey start talking about Finnish goalies.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Waffles and Finnish goalies?
We think we've found our prime market, and they're getting stoned in the press box.

MOST PREMATURE AWARDING OF STARS
We're watching Skillzy operate like he's a third line left winger with our jaws on the floor. It's suddenly like it doesn't take him as much time as a steam engine to gain momentum. He is jumping in on every rush. It's kind of beautiful.

Not caught up in the glory of pretending he's a forward, he's still being Hal Gill.
We're already talking about giving him an alternative star, meaning we weren't sold on the idea that they'd give him a real one. Oh, how the night would change us.

Fun fact. Hal Gill is our Andrew Murray.
When Lord Andrew scores for the Jackets, they win 100% of the time.
Hal Gill. Three goals, three wins.
We smell a new superstition.

MOST CHIVALROUS
Fleury ruins some hopes and dreams, and the Flames take the chance to start a scrum in front of the net. Someone takes down Gonch. Max Talbot is not pleased.
"Oh, hey there Jarome. Could you tell your sisters I said what's up for me? Yeah? Thanks."

Malks almost takes over the world on a play that would have made the career highlight reels, gets a penalty instead. Mamma Malkin didn't look pleased. We love her.

The period ends. Max Talbot knows everything about hockey and life and would love to tell us via Dan Potash. Even when he's making complete sense that boy just strikes us as completely retarded. We love him to death.

BEST PLAY ALL SEASON
We're just trying to send telepathic vibes to the boys to not fuck up. With a one goal lead we are fearful for our lives because as the mythological figure Michel Therrien(MFMT)once said, we are playing for life.

We start flipping out when we see the most artful poke check from Scuds we've seen in a while. We're so bleary eyed with delight we almost miss that the poke check CAUSED.

Hal Gill picks up the puck and shoots it forward to Malkin. You can see the wheels in his head turning. "Shit...this needs a follow up." He heads up alongside Malkin. Malkin know Skillzy's got it in him. Sends it back.
Best press capture all season.

You are still crying for joy.

MOST INSULTING TWO MINUTES TO GOALIES EVERYWHERE
Miikka heads off to the bench to give the Flames the extra attacker. Everyone takes some shots at the empty net from our own zone, even MAF tries his luck. But then we get it out of our own zone and into theirs. The following moments are a shit show.

We viciously attack the empty net like it is the most formidable opponent we've met all season. We can't get anything past that open ice. We want to nominate that net for the Vezina, please.

FSN shows us a shot of MAF as our boys are looking like douchebags in the offensive zone. He's laughing. He's wondering why goalies even exist at all. Actually...what the fuck is going on here? The boys are laughing too. What the hell has this become? It's like they all got so giddy imagining what they were going to do with the Cup when this game was over that they couldn't focus enough to sink one in.

Sorry boys, this wasn't game seven of the SCF. And you can't win the cup if you can't even fucking shoot an empty net.

Wait, what? Shut out?
Fine, we forgive you this time.

PENS 2 FLAMES 0
PENS WIN


INDIVIDUAL AWARDS

MOST DESERVING OF A LAME PHOTOSHOP JOKE

LEAST HELPFUL TO THE PENGUINS EFFORT
FOR CHRISTS SAKE ERIC THERE IS NOTHING FUCKING BEHIND ME NOW COULD YOU PLEASE JUST LOSE A GAME ALREADY?

ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS

1. Sidney Crosby
We don't give Crosby a lot of excess love here at Puck Huffers. This is mostly because we like to treat him like we treat other players and not do what the rest of the world does, which is either make him a hero or a villain in some sort of drama fest. We're sure if you've been with us for a while you've picked up where we stand on Crosby issues, but we're not wasting our time making posts about it. But we will take this opportunity to give him an alternative star - we rarely have a chance to because even other arenas like to award him real stars in games he maybe didn't deserve them in - and note that he fucking worked hard tonight. We may not see things straight down the Penguins lines all the time in regards to the kid, and sometimes we feel like he gets more attention - both negative and positive - than is healthy, but that has nothing to do with him as a player or a person. As a player and a person, he is our captain, and we fucking respect that.

2. Tyler Kennedy
Wants it so bad he can taste it.

3. Miikka Kiprusoff- Tried hard. We will personally organize the memorial service. Word of advice - spell you name differently. What can you expect when "soff" is right in your title?


We played hard.
The boys worked their asses off and earned every inch. The Flames played a solid game of hockey. We just played a more solid one. The press was huge tonight. They've been unreal. Apparently when you start winning more cameras start showing up, which makes our job easier.

We've got a couple of days to relax before we have to take over the world again. We'll be here.

Go Pens.

16 comments:

wrap around curl said...

That game was unfucking real. It was a thing of beauty.

Annie S said...

This game and this recap were fucking AMAZING.

And whenever they show a game on NHL Network and I get shafted because I have Center Ice, I always always always miss Steigy and Errey being at their most retarded.

Games like these remind me again and again why I love this fucking team.

Let's just hope they can get their shit together the next time they get 39872 empty-net opportunities.

Oh yeah, here's a caption attempt, for what it's worth.

Nysha said...

Hal. Gill... Hal. Fucking. Gill.
*sniffle* Marry me.

Annie S.: That caption forced me to try and mentally recreate the Twister mayhem that would have ensued before said picture. And it was glorious.

rach the h said...

For the last two weeks or so, my Hal Gill shirt has been missing. Two days ago, I found it, hidden in the trunk of my car. Washed it, and wore it today. The USS scores, Pens win. Coincidence? I think not.

And that picture of Geno and Skillzy now rivals the just-recently-mentioned one of him with Sykora. I nominate the press for an alternative star. Unreal effort tonight.

Gonchik said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lori said...

The man love photos that came out of this one were about as incredible as the game itself.

25superstar said...

"You might think that's a pretty expensive flight to get into Pittsburgh, but really, when you realize that you're actually paying to get out of Philadelphia, it all becomes quite a bargain."

too true. hahahahaha. good thing i live in the Burgh during the season and near Philly in the offseason, bxc if it was the other way around i might just die.

another solid post, guys. keep it coming.

eyebleaf said...

I can't believe Hal Gill scored.

Jordan said...

I thought about you girls when they started in on the finnish goalies.

Jordan said...

Take a look at puck daddy, if you havent already. FAT FAT FAT FUCK.

Allison said...

"when you realize that you're actually paying to get out of Philadelphia, it all becomes quite a bargain."

Ok, so 25superstar beat me to it, but that sentence was glorious. Some serious lolZ and then a head nod in agreement.

Btw, finally caught up with all I missed here at PH while I was away, and naturally it was AMAZING.

endsiny said...

Amazingness, as usual. As an admitted Crosbyaholic (my ID refers to the fact that my first and last name both end in y, just like his), I have to say him getting the Alternative First Star on here means more than some of those random "real" stars he gets. He played an amazing game on the boards last night. Swoon!

FDeuce said...

hahaha

empty netters brought this to my attention. hahaha o pascal.

The Canadian said...

The way Kips stats are havoc-riddled... slap a moustache on that net (for style, baby) and throw him in the starting lineup!

I'm thinking your recap needs to be nominated for something... kick ass and a half!

Lizzie said...

I'm reading old posts to try and calm my nerves during breaks in this OT (OMG), and I just have to say that I think the photographers should get an honorary star for this game because there were some AWESOME photos from this one.

Lizzie said...

Oh, who needs to calm my nerves, GUERIN BURIES IT!

Sorry, I will not turn the comments on a near-month-old post into my own liveblog.

 
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Puck Huffers by Kimberly Davidson and Zoë Hayden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.