Friday, March 27, 2009

CRASH MY NET FRIDAY

It's amazing how rapidly seasons come to an end. One minute we're all screaming "It's only November!" and the next we're wondering how best to sell our bodies for playoff tickets.

There are no Friday night games left in the regular season, meaning that we'll have a couple of chances left to talk about who can and absolutely cannot crash our nets. If you've wondered what they're working their asses off for, it's the fact that the boys know there are only a few awards left before golf season and then it's one long, hot summer to think about what they did wrong to not earn one in 08/09.

Today we're letting one man off the hook. He can relax and enjoy his summer knowing he did what he was supposed to do.

HAL GILL CAN CRASH MY NET

Harold Priestly is a fucking beast. There's nothing quite like watching him try to play the new system, because he is a true defensive defenseman (even more so than Brooks Orpik) and that makes for hilarity when he is called to join offensive plays. The man is like a steam engine; it takes him roughly ten years to reach full speed, but once he gets going, ain't shit going to stop him.

This makes him great at standing in the way and blocking shit and generally making people wish the Penguins had 6'7, 250 pounds and one long stick fewer than they do currently. But somehow, and we really are still mystified, he seems to be thriving just as much as some of the other guys in this new system. He can handle having to apply offensive pressure, he can handle the quick pace, and as we fucking know now, he can handle jumping in on rushes. Not that we ever expected Hal Gill to let us down, we just didn't know he would amaze us like this.

Hal, baby, your place or mine?

BEST FEATURE
When searching for Skillzy's best feature, there's a lot of fucking territory to cover.
Holmstrom knows what we're talking about. That facial expression has "I don't even know where to begin" all over it.

But in the end, it came down to something a little different. We both solidly agree on what we find most sexy about Hal Gill.

That video accurately highlights our two favorite things about Hal. His voice, and that wicked scar on his right cheek. We think he fought a tiger. We fully appreciate manliness.

LAST SURGE OF DESIRE
We have to use this picture again.
Find us the person who took that photo. They get an assist on this net crashing.

THE WHOLESOMENESS PART OF IT

Lest you forget, it was Hal Gill's idea to visit the kids at the Pittsburgh Children's Hospital an extra time this past winter, a video that is still unacceptably adorable. This was nothing new for Hal, he also took charge of the Children's Hospital visits when he was a Bruin. There is nothing more heartwarming that a man who cares.
Or just a man with children in general.

WHAT HAPPENS THE MORNING AFTER
I KNOW, RIGHT?!


CONVERSELY, WHO IS NOT EVEN ALLOWED NEAR OUR NETS


HENRIK LUNDQVIST

Just in case we haven't said it enough.


SECONDARY ASSIST ON THE NET CRASHING
Several players are getting secondary assists. Shut the fuck up, we make the rules here.

ERIC GODARD

For doing unspeakably adorable and charitable things.
Find full coverage on how this event came to be - at least in the eyes of one of our favorite deranged individuals - here.

JASON CHIMERA
We know, we know, this is technically breaking some rules. But reader Jessica sent us an email with this story in it, and our hearts were ripped into a million pieces.

Warning, in that article you find such quotes as:
"If it wasn't for them, I don't think Ryan would be here today," his father said. "It's really one of the things he has been holding on to. He wants to go to a Blue Jackets' playoff game."

And this...

Chimera, who's nursing a groin injury, also has been a frequent guest at Salmons' bedside the past two weeks. He watched the first two periods of Tuesday night's game against Tampa Bay in Salmons' living room.

"Ryan has such a zest for life," Chimera said. "It's gotten to the point where I want to see him as much as I can and I've told my wife that. Anyone who can endure what he's had to endure and do it with a smile on his face is really special."

It's mostly extremely soul crushing. You can watch the video with Chimera and Ryan here.


So, there you have it, one more net crashing award down, not very many to go. Like I'm going to do the math. The Isles are currently blanking DET 2-0, and we kind of hope it stays that way, because that would just be glorious.
We hope your Friday night is better than Colby Armstrong's, as he is not only dying alive in Atlanta, but also missing a BSpears concert. Poor Colbs. (Proof of love at 4:55)

Hockey tomorrow.
Thank Curry.
Go Pens.

17 comments:

Lori said...

I totally see old-school superman's chin and bone structure on Hal Gill.
like here: http://vulcanstev.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/superman_pic.jpg

or here: http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t73/paintedviolin1777/superman-anim1-1.jpg

What a beast. If you figure out how to sell yourselves for tickets (I'm sure Talbot is always a taker) I'm game. And I've never been so flattered to be called deranged. Crash My Net is pretty much an ingenious invention. I feel like girls should have pocket mace cans for the rare moment that they run into Henrick Lundqvist

Enviro-Rossi said...

I think Mr. Gill-a-monster uses the largest allowed stick in the league. Good luck with that girls.

Allison said...

ummmm....so i just read kim's comment on Lori's page...HAHAHAHAHA

and guys, the fact that you managed to work that colby and shane video into a post makes me love you even more.

is it wrong that if a piece of that never dying table eventually wound up on ebay that i might make an account to bid on it?

Allison said...

oh, and wait, why the heck can't Henrick Ludnqvist crash your nets? He certainly can crash mine, huge chest protector and all.

The Goon Blogger said...

Eric Godard is not allowed near tGB because I'll immediately commit a crime. Immediately.

I mean...just saying.

rach the h said...

This is an event that has only been topped by William Thomas Wednesday. I really have no words to describe it.

And I caught that Blue Jackets story via Empty Netters this morning, and it broke my heart. Just watched the video and it shattered all over again. What a man.

Lori: I've heard that comparison before, actually. And I agree. :)

Chubs said...

@tGB-

Sodomy?

(kidding)

katepghfan said...

lol

Lori - I've MADE that comparison before...so, yeah, I agree!

though, Chris Reeve as 'old-school superman' makes me feel REALLY old, especially as I remember the truly 'old-school' tv show from when I was really little, w/ George Reeves

ah, well - ANOTHER wonderful cmn segment!

Annie S said...

When I was at the Kings game last Friday, they showed a clip on the jumbotron of an eight-year-old girl interviewing Harold for some junior journalists program thing. She asked him four or five random questions, including what was his favorite book (Green Eggs and Ham) and ended by saying, "That's very interesting, Hal Gill."

It may have been the most adorable thing ever, besides that Godard/Staal/fingerpainting with kiddies video.

And for that Last Surge of Desire photo, I fucking love that he's actually lifting Malkin into the air. It kind of reminds me of that Ponies for Everyone pic of TK and Letang.

Pure joy.

debrisslide said...

lol Annie, that clip is on Pens TV as well I believe. I fully believe that we could base an entire awards show around the phrase "That's very interesting, Hal Gill."

rach the h said...

^It is indeed, Zoë. Do it.

25superstar said...

that pic of hal and holmstrom is priceless...i love it...it's as if holmstrom has also finally seen what pillow lips staal has seen all this time...

wmh said...

yay! staal brothers drinking game today!

MadMax84 said...

First off, a big woooooooooooooooo for the game.

Secondly, glorious coverage of Hal Gill, PH. Although I'm sad you didn't give assists to Gill's left and right sideburns. Those boys have been keeping those chiseled cheeks warm for the entire season without any complaints. I'd like to see MAF'S soul patch try to accomplish that.

Also, between you guys and Lori, I don't think my ovaries can contain themselves after all this Godard amazingness. All I need is to see him walk into Mellon in another tight, technicolor suit ...

Ashley said...

I have some personal pictures of the Godard-Orr fight if you would like me to send them to you :)

Ashley said...

And I apologize for leaving that comment on the wrong post. Boo. Whatev. Sweet game. Glad I went.

nu said...

A little late to the party, mesdemoiselles, but I have to chime in with a "hell yes, no f'ing way...!" re: Stunned!qvist (and speaking of which, wasn't Max's goal great? Just for the reaction!)...

I'm not sure what the whole extent of the Ken doll reference was, but the fact is yeah, Henrik's pretty. And boy, oh boy, does he ever know it...And that pisses the shit out of me!

Fine. Take the legions of women you can get because you're hot. I don't want you.

Oooh, there IS, however, a "once and future Pen" I'd die to guest a CMNF for...

 
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