Wednesday, February 18, 2009

William Thomas Wednesday

Pittsburgh is, unquestionably, the best city on earth.
If you don't agree, you're wrong.
Fuck off.

Some might miss the initial charm that the city can provide.
The last time we won a Stanley Cup was was in 1992. At the time we were some fashion forward Americans. Single tone or striped over-sized sweaters with far too much elastic, acid washed jeans short enough to expose thick, probably purple cotton socks, Keds...we were the coolest fuckers on the block.
These wonderful people were spotted in station square on June 1, 1992.
While the world moved on around us, Pittsburgh stayed the same. It maintained the general naivety and innocence that the rest of the nation lost. And while, because of this, our city is no longer exactly full of fashionistas in the likes of certain Finnish goaltenders, it's a city that never lost it's passion, kindness, or appreciation for hard work and cheap beer. The people here will give you those horrible sweaters off their backs, be unwaveringly helpful, and more often than not forgive you for fucking up on our retardedly planned and poorly labeled roads.

What we're trying to say is, good people come out of Pittsburgh. Quality, honest, poorly dressed, hard working, wonderful people. I'm not from Pittsburgh originally, so I can say these things as both an outsider and as someone who lived there for a long time. Yinzers may dress funny or talk too quickly or confuse you with their own special version of the English language, but they are as good as people come.

With the general sense of pride we feel as a city and as a population, being pumped as hell about a home town boy on the team is only expected. It's not common on American hockey teams for a person to be playing on the team they grew up rooting for. In this way, Billy "The Pride of Fox Chapel" Thomas is a hometown hero.
"I was so excited to sign, and my family, they thought it was incredible.

Billy Thomas went to high school right down the fucking street at Fox Chapel Area High School. A month and a half before he got the call that he was signing with us, he was just another one of those lucky bastard fans who scored tickets to an SCF game. Well, a lucky bastard fan who could play hockey like a motherfucker and already had a few years professional play under his belt. Whatevs.

He played for two years at The University of Nebraska-Omaha. In 04/05 he played 39 games and got 45 points, with 19 goals. In 05/06 he played 41 games and had 50 points, with 27 goals.

And the whole time, he looked like this.
We're pretty sure if he weren't in the NHL he could have made it in movies. And not in the Henrik Lundqvist way.

He was shipped between the AHL and the NHL for a while when he was with Phoenix. In 06/07 he got 14 points in 24 games with the Coyotes. In 07/08 he got 52 points in 75 games with the Rampage, 24 being goals. Which is certainly a solid performance.

How good is 14 points in 24 games in the NHL?
Let's ask our friend Steven Stamkos!
Steven this season as of right now:
.46 pts per game.
Billy Thomas on the 06/07 Coyotes:
.58 pts per game.

Sure sure, technically right now Billy Thomas is at a .2, but with his ice time and changing positions on the team in the past 15 games, we can't really blame him. And really, we just love a chance to use absurd Steven Stamkos pictures.

Sorry, here's some Billy to make up for it
Bill Thomas is a man.
And a vision in stripes.

We hope Billy can hang out for a while. We love him for the same reason we love all call-ups, which is a huge amount of energy and the general sense of caring when everyone else gives up. He's also Mike Zigomanis Junior with those faceoffs. And most importantly, he's from the best city in the world.
Fashion at it's finest. You'll probably see these guys out next time we lift the Cup, too.


YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING INSANE

Pool of pepper from Rach.

Evgeni dreams of pepper showers. Annie knows.

Is pepper a secret agent?
He showed up just in time to keep an eye on things.
Kaitlin sees allegiances.


Something about a game tomorrow...

Carey Price is a joke.
He'll leave during second intermission after finding out he has lung cancer.
The Habs are a mess.
Hopefully they'll keep that whole image going for tomorrow.

There's a Therrien interview video with Bob Pompeani.
It's rough to watch. Be warned.
We're not going to comment on it anymore.

Max Talbot and Brooks Orpik both have black eyes. Start the rumors now.
Epic trade story?
Lover's quarrel?
We don't even care what.
Just make them exciting.

Go Pens!

23 comments:

Candy Man Fan said...

William Thomas Wednesday is my new favorite day of the week

Molly said...

uhmmmm Billy Thomas... wanna bang?

25superstar said...

i have said this before: Billy Thomas can be my baby's daddy. i'm pretty sure he impregnated me last time i was at the Igloo...it's also kinda late and i just got out of an amazingly boring 4 hour class...WOO!

in all seriousness: billy thomas is a BEAST.

jovi said...

so i'll be the 1st to bite ---

Rumor: So after the OT loss in NYI, a drunken Oprik stumbles into Staals room for some "Sod Farm" comfort. He pulls back the covers, and gets a wiff of cheap colonge and cheese doodles.

*** U Bitch, I knew you were cheating on me, BUT WITH TALBOT.

Fight insues, Staals crying, and Crosby had to break it up.

It will all be on this weeks Cheaters!

Chubs said...

I'll give it a shot-

After the Isles game, darkness and fog came into the locker room. Max looks up to see what's going on, just as Whit turns, nailing Max in the eye with his elbow. Out of the fog walks Gary Roberts. Gary walks over toward Sid's locker, but Orpik gets up and starts to get in the way. Gary force pushes a puck off the ground into Orpik's eye, before bestowing upon Bing the universal powers he has...and fading into the mist.

I've been lurking here a while- H/T to you guys, I love reading everything here.

Malcolm the Ice Skater said...

Please excuse the long comment but both Therrien's firing and the black eyes had to be explained.

Saturday night:
The Toronto officials handed the box of thank-you-for-coming consolation prize ice cream sandwiches over to Michael Therrien. Due to an ordering error, Air Canada had an obscene amount of surplus airline grade ice cream sandwiches and decided to stash them at Air Canada Centre. After several weeks of debate, it was decided that the ice cream sandwiches would be given away to the Leafs’ losing opponents.

Therrien was worried that the ice cream was a little soff, so he packed them in a cooler for the flight to New York. No one likes a mushy ice cream sandwich. As Therrien placed the last ice cream sandwich into the cooler, he realized that there were just enough sandwiches for everyone to eat one. Concerned that his team might be greedy and not share, he wrote everyone’s initials on one sandwich each. He wrote a large “MT” on the last sandwich and smiled at the thought of the sandwich-y delight that awaited him tomorrow. “Perhaps this is why the guys keep losing in Toronto…”

Sunday morning:
Max Talbot opened the cooler to find his ice cream sandwich. Reading through the initials, Talbot noticed something unexpected. “Sweet! I get two!” he announced as he removed the two “MT” sandwiches from the cooler.

“Why do you get two?” asked Kris Letang.

“Because I’m a superstar.”

Sunday afternoon:
After practice, Therrien gathered the team with a disturbing announcement. “Somebody ate my ice cream sandwich. It had my initials on it. ‘MT.’”

Talbot realized his mistake and confessed to Therrien, explaining the whole story. Therrien approached Talbot and delivered a blow to the face.

One thing led to another and Therrien was packing his bags for Pittsburgh. On his way out, he passed Brooks Orpik. Awkward, yet cordial, goodbyes were exchanged. Therrien punched Orpik in the face. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”

Kimberlass said...

Un. Real.

....

Amazing.

rach the h said...

...stunned. Best day of my life. This be a weekly feature, correct?

And the fact that you posted three pictures I have never seen before is a feat in itself.

Kat said...

I wish every day was William Thomas Wednesday. Fabulous...

Kara said...

Malcolm: That was beautiful. I know this in my heart to be true.

KD said...

Please make every Wednesday William Thomas Wednesday.

Hand of Godard said...

50 bucks to the first person to get me those Stanley Cup shorts.

x-materialize-x said...

I was originally just going to comment on Bill Thomas, and how I'd totally hit it.

But...

Malcom...that was un-fucking-real.

1wingangel said...

William Thomas Wednesday is the best day of my life.

These stories are amazing.

FDeuce said...

Rumor: I heard that Chris Brown was at the Air Canada Centre on saturday night.

Allison said...

Malcolm the Ice Skater--

Holy hell!!! That was rediculously spectacular.

wmh said...

Malcolm--Un.Fucking.Real.


By the way everyone, I had a dream about Sid last night. He said he will have a big game tonight, and so he WILL have a big game tonight. Mark my words.

jovi said...

hahahaha.

it took me a minute, FDeuce, but i got it and busted out laughing.

short but great explantation

25superstar said...

Malcolm---you are my hero. that was just amazing. :]

Molly said...

ahhhh hahahah FDeuce. i, too, just got that.

at first, i thought you were being serious, then i saw the relation.

hahhahahah.
is bobby brown coming tonight too?

Enviro-Rossi said...

I am trying to find those Stanley Cup shorts on eBay right now.

By the way, I hate green peppers but realize that they are more funnty than tasteful. For that reason, I will give the veg a second chance.

Malcolm the Ice Skater said...

I'm glad the ice cream sandwich tale was appreciated. It's 100% true, by the way.

Jamie-Lynn said...

loved the ice cream story!
SOLID.

 
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