Saturday, February 28, 2009

sex time

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Ilya Kovalchuk.
You may know him as the captain of the Atlanta Thrashers currently dying alive in Georgia. He made some joke comments and jumped on the Crosby hate train recently, but we really don't give a damn anymore. Whatever.

This evening, Kovalchuk accumulated five points (2G, 3A) to rally his team to a 5-3 regulation victory over the Carolina Hurricanes, a game in which his team entered the third period down 3-1.
We'll say it time and time again: the Pens cannot rely on others' misfortunes to make the playoffs.
But Kovalchuk took over the world tonight.
His efforts have made it possible:
If the Pittsburgh Penguins beat the Dallas Stars tomorrow afternoon, they officially flirt with the eighth spot, knocking Buffalo into 9th and Carolina into 10th.
I repeat:
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Ilya Kovalchuk.
Take your pants off, because it's time to make sweet, sweet love to him.
You might have to stand behind me and Travis (the Goon Blogger), but we promise. . .you'll get your turn.
Ilya, baby.
Come to us.

Oh, and in case you missed it: our contribution to Cycle Like the Sedins' All-Decade Draft again. You should check out all their posts. Solid stuff.


25superstar said...

dear ilya. how i love you. come to me!

FDeuce said...

word up! theres something about those russians.... touch me illy.

Allison said...

It deeply saddens me that I'm excited about the possibility of sitting in the eighth playoff position for a couple of days, due to other teams' misfortune.

Allison said...

And, would it be wrong to say that I've always thought that Ilya was really cute? It's true, there's just something about those Rusians. (caugh, most, caugh) (caugh exception: Ovie, caugh.)

And that I always liked his play, even despite "the point" that made 98% of Pens' fans want him to rot on the side of a road.

And I'm especially lovin him tonight for those 5 points

jamestobrien said...

Kovalchuk cannot touch me, but he's pretty cool I'd say. He's quite the video game forward BTW.

Molly said...

ahh 8th place is lookin mighty fine right about now!

Allison said...

hmmm, interesting choices on your all decade team... it got me thinking...and i think you should do something like that on your blog for your readers, like, in all different topics...for example, funniest all time team, thuggiest all time team, or just random shit...

I was going to post my all time DUI team, or my all time convict team, but I became very depressed after discovering how many options I had to fill the starting roster.

Lori said...

Hilarious. And how I would love to reward the man that's making our playoff dreams possible...

The Goon Blogger said...

Oh Ilya, you poor man. You're so gorgeous on those skates, but you're rotting in Atlanta.

Come to us, we'll treat ya good, real good in some cases.

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