Wednesday, February 25, 2009

never get another chance.

Before we get down to recapping, we'd like to share a message with you. We're not going to comment, as we believe the message is directed to you. Somehow the lines of communication got crossed, so we're just forwarding it to you guys, our beloved readers.
We'll take a moment to formally apologize.
Mike Green, we are so sorry.
You are our favorite defense men with the current record for most consecutive games with a goal. In fact, you are our favorite defense men. Of all of the defense men. In the world of defense men.
Also, yes, we would love to have him on our two man team. I'm actually surprised that Crosby was taken into consideration, though, seeing as he is complete trade bait right now. We appreciate the benefit of the doubt, though. Trade Whitney?
We're not sure about the dating aspect.
We'd clearly give our left legs for a spin at those goods.
Ladies? Gentlemen? Pathetic readers? Yourselves?

"Mike Green is awful looking and stereotypical. I love my men with stupid "tribal" tattoos. Maybe he can put some more hair gell in his stupid fauxhawk instead of just growing a pair and having a real one like the ENTIRE Calgary club does when they make the playoffs. It starts looking cooler as they progress further, because you know, unlike Mike Green, most of the Calgary Flames know what the second round of the playoffs look like."
TheGoonBlogger

"I, Allison, a regular [pathetic] reader of PuckHuffers, have no desire to date Mike Green. I have no interest whatsoever in 'having an opportunity" with him. Mike Green is not the secret fantasy of my life. I would never even consider this."
Allison


Tasteless, really. For shame, readers. For shame.


Oh my god, when we weren't looking there was apparently a hockey game.
Sorry. We were discussing what exactly the difference between hooking and slashing is.
If anyone can clarify icing for us, that would be aces.

We're tired.
This game was imaginary.
It's upgrade/downgrade time.

STEIGGY AND ERREY
In the first period everyone in displaced Pens territory was flipping shit. Word is that the NHL forwarded an official cease and desist to all of our favorite feed locations. If you're worried about this meaning that you aren't going to be able to catch NHL games online, you've never met the internet.

We partied with our old friend Mike Lange almost completely through the first period before someone tipped us off to a feed. We spread the joy around and then got the privilege of realizing that our fantastic host is a dual fan of sorts.

Hockey.
And Basketball.
Yeah, you figure it out. Get back to us.

While intently watching special teams do their thing on the ice, we sometimes expect to hear some inane bullshit about raspberry pie or German show dogs or Finnish hairstyles of 1943. It's just what you get used to when you tune into the THC induced FSN broadcast daily. But this time? No. We had MSG with epileptic fits of Notre Dame versus Rutgers.

"That penalty will be going to Godard for-"
"SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK"

DOWNGRADE
That sound will haunt our dreams.

GOALTENDING
Maybe it was not having Errey talk about it for three hours.
Maybe it was mad skillz.
Maybe it was that we were playing the Isles.
All of the above? We think so.
Shutout for the UPGRADE.

DEFENSE
UPGRADE.

We've gotten used to seeing partial defensive breakdowns in the least convenient times in the games we've been playing. It's cost us a couple of two point leads, and a lot of goals in general. There are no signs that it's coming, just a sudden lack of giving a shit on the part of our usually diligent defensemen. It's Ryan Whitney's fault, just like global warming.

Kris Letang was back and on a mission. He had a huge hit within the first 22 seconds just in case anyone forgot about him. We didn't, but we appreciate the effort.
Brooks had more hits than any other player on either team at six. Streit would have had the most blocked shots at three if Orpik hadn't shown up looking ten times better in the same dress on prom night. Five blocked shots. What a man.

MIKE YEO'S IMPORTANCE AS A LIVING HUMAN BEING
The Caps game we went one for nine.
This game we went zero for three.
We've been saying it since November.
DOWNGRADE
...directly to the bottom of the Mon.

GOAL CELEBRATIONS
Pepper says serious UPGRADE. And we trust that guy. Evgeni ain't afraid to catch the Fevr. He seeks it out.

We'd also like to use those same examples to call a serious press UPGRADE. They're really on our side recently.

JANNE PESONEN
We really wish the NHL wouldn't get us psyched without reason. We had Pelimies all broken out, we were throwing around all of our favorite Finnish Stud references. We were getting prepared.
NANANAANANANANANAAA
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HE ISN'T EVEN PLAYING?
DOWNGRADE.
And hey, where the fresh hell is Bill Thomas?
Seven minutes?
DOWNGRADE.
Total downgrade sandwich.
Everyone sucks.
We are women and you can't just abuse our emotions like that. We have a special set of needs and desires. Just ask the Caps organization. They know all about it.

THIRD JERSEYS
They aren't cursed.
Get over it.
UPGRADE.
Winning in blue is sweet.

PENS 1 ISLES 0
PENS WIN


ALTERNATIVE THREE STARS
1. Gonchar- Keepin' the point streak alive with an assist to the spread of our favorite incurable disease.

2. Godard- Added to his team-leading penalty minutes total without a fighting major.

3. Rutgers- Lost 70-65. How can that even be a real fucking score in a sport? We hate basketball so hard.

The Pens are getting better at not letting us down.
We're cool with that.

WBS lost tonight to the WolfPack. Two losses straight?
Come on boys, you're supposed to be our getaway.

We have our new feature tomorrow. As if we haven't been metablogging enough about it enough. Sorry about that, we've been busy and distracted. We love you all.

Vesa Toskala blocked all three shots in the shootout tonight.
They are talking off-season surgery for him. Even if you hate the Leafs, you can't wish that upon a player.
It's probably Ryan Whitney's fault.
If only we could trade him for Mike Green.

GO PENS.

12 comments:

katepghfan said...

definite upgrade with that goal celebration! - loved that enthusiasm (and, they didn't feel the need to taunt the Isles' bench either ... )

can't wait to see the new feature!

SHERO MUST RE-SIGN PETR, ASAP (or even sooner)

Allison said...

oh jesus, zoe had i known you were legit going to insert that onto post in such a prominant way, I would have made my rebuttle way more epic, such as travis's. But seriously, whatev, that chick can make her case with defense man records or whatever, and plausably get away with it, but saying someone would want to date mike green? Commonnnn....

wrap around curl said...

I love that the pepper looks like a ballgag.

debrisslide said...

I didn't even think of that, Heather. Maybe you know my subconscious better than I do. . .

pittsburghsteelrocks.com said...

So this is the famous PETR FEVR i've been hearing so much about. I like it.
Also big props to Sarge for making #1 Alternative Star. I don't know if they keep records for most amazing comeback after some hack runs you in the pre-season, and puts you out for six months, but Mike Green don't know shit about that. If Sarge would have played all season, I am pretty sure his streak would be at 61 straight games with a goal by a defense men, and counting.

The Goon Blogger said...

From my friend Frank: The third most overrated thing in Sports: Notre Dame Sports.

Also, I got name dropped by the greatest blog around, got enough beer to feel tipsy, got a Shamrock Shake, and oh yeah, some hockey team I like won.

Win City.

meecrofilm said...

Toskala had a shootout save% of under .500 too... act of God that he stopped all 3 shooters.

eyebleaf said...

Malkin's just about ready to penetrate Sykora in the pepper pic. I would say that's Petr Fevr.

bmug said...

It's like Where's Waldo but with the Pepper instead. I smell a new feature on Puck Huffers...

25superstar said...

We are women and you can't just abuse our emotions like that. We have a special set of needs and desires. Just ask the Caps organization. They know all about it.

Boom. Roasted.

Geno + Sykie + goal = epic amazingness. period.

Candy Man Fan said...

dear girls,
plz get on and post an update about Ryan Whitney being gone. I'm very torn b/c he has been playing shitty but I did love him.

go Pens.

agood_badhabit said...

at four minutes left in this game, my mother said, "i don't feel very good." and i said "hahahaha maybe you have THE FEVER." and then petr scored and i said "MOM YOU REALLY DO HAVE THE FEVER!!" it was epic.

thank you SO MUCH for the series of pictures of malkin and sykora. made my life. i loved that. i loved the fsn showed it like four times.

oh and ps.... who the EFF needs mike green when you have a nice piece of defensive man meat like Sergei Gonchar?

 
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