Sunday, January 25, 2009

russians do it better

Malkin-Kovalev-a used menstrual pad found in the Moscow sewer = best line in hockey
You see players like this work together in a game that is largely meaningless, and you wonder what could happen if, in a perfect world, they could play together with the complete package of heart, passion, and camaraderie.
They're both sick as hell.
They're both Russian.
Kovalev on a breakaway may be one of the most dangerous things in the NHL.
If only. . .

Alas, this is about the ASG, not Alexei Kovalev.

Or maybe it is.

If this was going to be about the Montreal Canadiens, there really couldn't have been a better beneficiary than Kovalev. He deserved to have this, in front of the people who love him in Montreal.

None of the other Habs deserved to start this game, really. But Kovie did.

Anyway, here's some imaginary recap:

Before the game started, some bitch with a violin and some other dudes with Habs logos painted on themselves did god knows what.

Listen: French Canadians may enjoy the weirdest entertainment ever. Don't let the Japanese fool you--everyone and their mother thinks that Asian shit is so weird that it has officially become normal. But in small pockets of the world. . .
it thrives.
And it makes everyone uncomfortable.
Like, did I buy tickets for the wrong event?
Oh wait.
It's Montreal.
It kind of makes sense.
At least I'm not in Finland.

The first period was everything you expected it to be. Back and forth, nothing much happening except those unreal goals. We were right about Carey Price being scored on first, but the East players realized what a joke he was and worked on building their lead when the pickings were good.

Kovalev gets his first breakaway of the night on a great pass from Kaberle and makes it look easy.

Pat Marleau put it home late for the West to get the momentum rolling for the second.

Second period some scoring is going on, no one is really paying attention.

Versus decides to interview some egregious cocksucker who says the word "ass" and makes the interviewer very, very uncomfortable. He's still yapping when Malkin puts home one of the prettiest goals of the night.

As all of this is happening, we're wondering if an Eastern Conference All-Stars lead is safe like a lead is for the Pittsburgh Penguins. It isn't. The West just keeps on coming. I mean, I told you Milan Hejduk would be ready. The man is fucking Czech. They're always ready.

Kovalev goes in unassisted on his second breakaway of the evening. He knows what's up.

The third period is an exercise in "OH LORD CAN THE EAST TIE IT"

They can.

In overtime, Komisarek takes a penalty for hooking like the game actually matters. But it was a huge penalty kill for the East, who definitely didn't look like they were shorthanded in the least. Tim Thomas and Chas Tenenbaum are slamming the door.

It's okay though, because the East can always put Kovalev up on the shootout.
Luongo had no idea where the puck was. No idea what Kovie did to confuse him that bad.

Thank God this shit is over, right?
Back to normal hockey schedule, right?
Well, actually, the Penguins still have two days off.
Kim has a very, very special feature planned for you tomorrow.
Also, if you're interested, the AHL is also having its All-Star fun tomorrow. Their skills competition was today and was whacked and I don't understand it in the least, but apparently Jeff Taffe did something for PlanetUSA.
There are three WBS boys in the game: Taffe, Minard, and Lovejoy will be there.
It's in Worcester, Mass. which is a brief train ride from my school in Boston, and tickets are cheap as shit compared to even a ballsack NHL regular season game last I checked, but I have class. Sucks to be me.
Go boys.
Go Russia.
Go Everyone.

Night, all.


Noodles and Henrik said...

Malkin's new haircut is made of win. We are starting to love him again.

This weekend was ooge (for us at least).

1wingangel said...

Kovie was a beast.

Still can't wait to see the awesome haikus and who won.

Jeff Taffe's uncle-in-law is The Great One, absolutely true fact.

Night all.

Annie S said...

Oh, shit! I had no idea the AHL All Star game was tomorrow, nevermind that it's in fucking Worcester. It's like an hour and a half drive from my house.

Last-minute plans, WOOO!

Oh yeah, and the game tonight was entertaining, as All Star games go. Malkin's goal was gorgeous.

25superstar said...

Czechs are always ready. mos def.

russians are just too Nasty for their own good. WOOO!

Annie S said...

I found tickets for like $18 for the AHL game, but have no one to go with.

My friends suck.

Oh well.

Go (Baby) Pens!

debrisslide said...

Annie, I checked my schedule again and I don't have class, actually. If you wanna go bad, I'm game.

eyebleaf said...

Kovie time. Indeed. Dirty.

Nulpher said...

I wonder what it would take to bring Kovalev back to Pittsburgh...

Kimberlass said...

If it's my sweet, sweet lovin', I'll go ahead and take one for the team.

Jordan said...

Is it bad that i actually enjoyed the last half of the 3rd period?

Annie S said...

Debris - Going to the game would be awesome, but after checking some funds I find I'm close to broke. >:(

It won't happen this season, but when the Baby Pens play somewhere close (Hartford, Worcester, Springfield, wherever) something should be planned. :)

Allison said...

@annie and debris

i may be down for a baby pens game in either hartford, bridgeport or even possibly worcester next season, if there's significant planning :)
(like, way in advance)

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