Monday, January 5, 2009

Puck Huffers Staff vs. the Staal Brothers


Hi all, we're not smashed yet, don't worry. The game hasn't started yet! Please keep checking back here (i.e. obsessively refreshing this page) for updates on the game. But first, we're going to tell you what we are doing. We are liveblogging the Staal Brothers Drinking Game. You can play this in any game involving two of the following: Penguins, Rangers, or Hurricanes. If Jared makes the NHL we'll amend that. Anyway.

We are playing with rules we have invented, which we will list below. If you have any suggestions, please leave them in the comments.

PUCK HUFFERS OFFICIAL STAAL BROTHER DRINKING GAME RULES
Drinking begins at puck drop. If there is anything during pre-game, you're just going to have to bite your tongue because you at least want to generally remember the game, don't you? Well, maybe not. It is MSG. But we kind of want to know the result without having to check NHL.com Tuesday morning.

Single shot to be taken if:
- it is mentioned that the Staals are brothers
- if it is mentioned that there are other Staals, not present, who are also in the NHL
- if a phrase such as "sibling rivalry" is used
- if it is pointed out that BOTH STAALS ARE ON THE ICE
- if anyone mentions the sod farm
- if any random facts are introduced about the present Staals or the Staal family
- if the Staal parents are mentioned
- if any Staal reference occurs that would simply not occur in a one-Staal game

Doubleshot to be taken if:
- a comparative Staal brother graphic is shown on the screen
- if they are verbally compared AT LENGTH by the announcers (use your own discretion in deciding what "length" is)
- if a video clip of the brothers/family is shown
- if an interview with a Staal brother happens at intermission (add an additional shot if the Staal brother is asked anything about playing against his brother)
- if the Staal parents are in attendance (this cancels out taking a single shot if the parents are mentioned, but not if they are mentioned separately from the fact that they are in attendance)

If you're playing an advanced version of this game, you can mix yourself a drink and keep it nearby.
You can work on the mixed drink if:
- there is an intermission feature on the Staal brothers
- there is a mention of a Staal on Staal play, such as a Staal delivering a crushing check on another Staal, or a Staal being stripped of the puck by another Staal
- if the game is over and the team you were rooting for shit its pants

Stop if you feel sick/want to stop. We will not be held responsible for any shit that happens to you playing this game. You play at your own risk, kids.

Aaaaaand. . .let the mayhem begin! This page will be updated LIVE starting at 7PM.
This could be the best blogging idea ever, or the worst. Or both. We hope to entertain ourselves and others. Stay tuned.

6:57pm - We are apparently on Puck Daddy. Holy goddamn shit.

Almost time.

7:03pm - Versus sucks at everything. They just talked about the Staals before puck drop. We had to restrain ourselves. Oh lord. Oh lordddd.

7:08pm - Versus talking about Marc Staal again. Shots are poured. Drop the puck already.

7:11pm - Talbot ruining lives. Did we just take a penalty? Max? Please? Don't do it.

7:12pm - Nigel Dawes can eat my huge dick.

7:13pm - TK is acting like hero, Fleury's puck control looked good, Rags with some turnovers. At least we look awake. Don't brag about beating the Isles, jaggoffs. Rags icing, Therrien watchful, blah blah blah. I hate mac computers.

7:16pm - Petr Prucha will let us see if Pittsburgh can even score on four minutes of power play. Orpik's face is bloody? Prucha's soul will be bloodier.

7:18pm Crosby is acting like a god damned hero. Grea chances and drawing some fucking penalties. That's what we like to see. Stop sucking Lundqvist's cock, our PP looks like jesus.

7:20pm - what are we reviewing? Stop sucking New York dick, Versus.

7:21pm - first shot of the night. They are brothers, everyone!

7:22pm - If we don't score on this, it is fucking embarrassing.

7:24pm - Penalty on Jordan Staal, two for interference. AGAINST HIS BROTHER TIMES TWO. Two shots. Oh man.

7:25pm - Apparently we're not in Thunder Bay. Too many shots to count. Help.

7:27pm - It gets worse and worse. Our inability to score on 5 on 3 as well as the alcohol consumption. We need to take two more before the game comes back.

7:31pm - 4 on 4. Versus hasn't commented on it. Kim is feeling it already. The alcohol, that is.

7:34pm - Dustin Jeffrey is the only person who cares.

7:36pm - Take a shot when Versus stops sucking Lundqvist's cock. You will be sober for the rest of your life. Dupuis is being amazing. Zoe is yelling at the television. Mark Eaton is a ballsack. I am fucking grossed out by smirnoff. Steve Mason is srsly the rookie of the year. We love that man. Something about icing, fuck off.

7:40pm - Versus knows nothing. NOTHING. More Jager would be nice now. We're eating chips. It's great.

7:43pm Kennedy fails at forehand backhand. This game is terrible.

7:44 Zoe is giving me game theory, which means in about two shots I will start screaming about how farm teams are the most important thing in the world of hockey and how no one knows the WBS team like I do. I might also cry about Gonch. Or that might just be a whiskey thing. Orpik is a leader. MAF IS BURGLING THESE FUCKERS WOOOO.

7:47 - No goal. Bitches. Eat our huge dicks. The Rangers have a late power play. BOOOOOO I DON'T KNOW THE RULES OF HOCKEY OMG OMG OMG OMG. This is pathetic. Actually it's our PP, the announcers said everything incorrectly. Big surprise. What was Fleury doing out there? Good lord. I hate it when power plays extend to the next period. . .it totally snakebites the PP.

7:52pm - Brian Engblom is a cocksucker. The hugest cocksucker this side of the Mississipi. His cocsucking is legendary. Oh my god.

7:54pm - Why are they calling Rick Nash? Help.

8:07pm - We just ran to the store. We're back. Can we score or something? Apparently not.

8:10pm - Christopher, you forgot about Crosby's nice ass. Scuderi had a giveaway? I think Versus made that up. We commit icing. Scuderi is virtuous. Shut your mouths.

8:11pm - Rangers commit hooking? Kim wants to know if we need to take a shot now. Help. Sorry, we committed hooking. No idea what's going on.

8:13pm - The fact that we don't know what's up is because this game is balls. It has nothing to do with our drunkenness. Fleury stands tall. We need a shot. Come on Staal brothers!

8:18 - Christine Simpson thinks we're playing strong. The Versus staff is probably not happy with that.

8:22pm - Versus prays for commercial breaks. The announcers' skills can't sustain an icing call.

8:23 - You probably don't realize how ridiculous Zoë is at this point because her typing skills are pretty great when drunk. She corrects typos and everything. Clearly she is not drunk enough. She is also talking about herself in the third person at this point, which is terrible.

8:26pm - Malkin drew a penalty. Can we score on the power play? Have we scored on the power play in like seven million years? Crosby just took a penalty as soon as I typed that. Something terrible is happening. At least the Pens thrive on 4-on-4.

8:29pm If you were not aware, Whits has a contract with announcers much like Hal Gill does. When Hal Gill is mentioned, as we all know, it needs to include 'big,' 'long stick,' or how tall he is. We realize that when Whits is mentioned, it must be said that his HEAD IS UP. Otherwise the announcers owe him a beer or something.

8:33pm - If we could score, or if we could mention the Staal brothers. . .it would be the best thing ever.

8:35pm - Matt Cooke just got a penalty for being Matt Cooke. Maxime Talbot natural hat trick in the third. We're calling it. They just fucking scored? What the fucking fucking motherfucking fuck? Oh my god. Worst game ever.

8:38pm - We're breaking out the Disaronno. HOPE. Yes. Delay of game. Hahahahahahahahaha. What a worthless waste of chromosomes.

8:40pm "Staal, Jordan that is." This would not have been said in a one Staal game. Read the rules. Shot. Speaking of shots, MAF stands tall. End period. Third period team?

8:48pm - Intermission interview = double, bitches. He wasn't asked about playing with his brother. Damnit. Well, whatevs, Zoe is fucking drunnnk. She doesn't drink at school for some reason and she is very, very small. She just said, and I quote, "My sobriety seems so long ago." Yeah. Thanks to my alcoholic roommates and the fact that I'm a fucking amazon (if you haven't noticed on various CMNFs) I am mostly fine. Mostly we can't believe that we haven't scored yet. Fuck it. We love the Pens. They'll do it. Eventually.

8:55pm - SHOW US YOUR V!!! No thanks versus. God damnit Zoe just spilled soda everywhere. What the fuck. We're outshooting, Goalz pleaz?

9:02 - No idea what's going on. This game is gross.

9:03pm - A penalty of some kind. We are going to a game tomorrow. Do you realize that? Why is Kennedy in the box. Tripping? The President does not deserve to be in the box.

9:05pm - I, Zoë, am not ashamed to be drunk at this point. I am drunk. God help me. This is the most tragic third period I have seen in a long time.

9:07pm - Zoe has not yet noticed that I have not taken my past two shots. This is because I don't think I want to be hungover for my dentist appointment and our drive to the game tomorrow. What do YOU think? Lemme get up a quick sidebar poll. Comment on the game? No thanks. Are you watching it? Vomit city.

9:10pm - We haven't given up yet. We just need to get something into the net. 9 minutes is plenty of time.

9:14pm - Fuck. THE SLEW OF STAALAGE. She has noticed I'm not drinking. Polls are closed. I am fucked.

9:16pm - I fucking need it now anyway. What the hell. 3-0. Fuccccccck.

9:17PM - OH GOD. ANOTHER SHOT. Zoe just said something about we have to score every two minutes to tie. Oh lordy.

9:19pm this game is such bad news. This is terrible terrible bad news. I hate my life. If Lundqvist has a shutout I will commit suicide. We are drunk/ Oh my godddd.

9:22pm - Sorry, I let Zoe comment. Powerplay. Time out. Whatevs.

9:25pm - Orr and Godard are going at it. Oh, and you saw the goal. Whatever. We love he penguins and we will still have loads of sex with them. Zoe almost passed out but I yelled at her.

9:30 - Zoe doesn't even remember the fight. Let's just bomb MSG.

BOMB MSG. DO IT. DO IT NOW.

Bombs are the only thing we can do now.

9:32pm - BECAUSE THEY NEEDED A POWER PLAY. Fuck it. Whatever. We don't even care. We're going to go drink some more, because check the rules. We shit the bed. We need to drink even more.

We might be out later to greet the fans.
Whatever.

If you just found us through this, watch us or bookmark us. Stay in touch. We love you.

103 comments:

wrap around curl said...

Man, I will need gallons of booze for this game.

Hand of Godard said...

The President has moved up to the first line and top power play unit:
Proof
I am predicting that no one playing this drinking game strictly by the rules makes it past the second intermission.

debrisslide said...

Yeah, stopping is allowed at any time. We're not that hardcore. If we were raging alcoholics, though, this would be perfect.

Rage said...

Perfect? No my sistas, you would be dead...and we don't want that

christina said...

sweet. this is awesome, ladies.

Kat said...

I'm excited. I'm amending from a shot to a chugs of beer because I can't really do the whole tons of shots thing tonight but with the lightweight I am it should still be enough.

rach the h said...

These are BRILLIANT. ALthough, as it is, I'm not sure I have enough alcohol for tonight...

Molly said...

hahahs sounds exciting.
too bad the 'rents are home.

penstone said...

my rents are home but they go to bed at like 8pm..
this is going to be inSANE and i LOVE it

Kimberlass said...

You are permitted to stop at any Staal number. 11 shots should do it. 18 is the choice for heavier drinkers.

This should be wild.

Allison said...

omg i cantttttt wait.... but as of this particular moment i have no liquor and am FREAKING out!!!

i need to go change that

Lori said...

Does the winner get his or her very own Staal brother of choice to either hold either hair back or give back rubs while puking?

Excellent game, the rules are quite fitting.

wrap around curl said...

Congrats ladies, you got Puck Daddy'd.

penstone said...

holy shit, you girls are on PD!

penstone said...

oops someone already got that..
either way, i think we all need to take a pregame shot in honor of your PD nod!
*takes a shot*

allison where are you?!

Allison said...

im right here... i ve been driving around trying to get a bottle... its a little difficult at 19... i think im having one dropped off at like 710.... so ill be playing catch up...

and dont worry, the car's already in the driveway.

Allison said...

i absolutly believe that drinking should be allowed in the pregame...
but i would, wouldnt i? lol

penstone said...

haha you go girl!
if you have aim: gemstone4100
or we can be drunken messes here with the rest of them lol

Allison said...

im gonna be at my friends house and we have to watch the game from her comp and have up PH, so aim might be a little too much lol

Allison said...

"jordan staal will funnel it ahead"
do we get to drink if they use a staal in the same sentence as a drinking term?

i vote yes

Allison said...

killlllll mee. lol

rach the h said...

God I need a shot already.

Allison said...

bleed orpik, bleed

penstone said...

seriously that was WAY too many shots at once!!!

penstone said...

allison and debris please IM me again, my comp froze and i lost your screennames before i could save them..

Katherine said...

kk i imed you
me= aer1518

Allison said...

fucking a that was really me allison as katherine

Allison said...

wow... a sober first period for me= MAJOR planning fail

Allison said...

suck on that NY

penstone said...

MAF that was FUNNNY!
rangers fanns are hockey fucktards

penstone said...

iannoying blonde chick GO AWAY please

Maximus25 said...

I hope you guys realized this game was on versus before you decided to do this, these announcers are gonna be sucking more Staal cock than a Thunder Bay whore

Allison said...

hehe, yea thats what makes it even better

Christopher said...

I like how you're complaining about lundqvist cocksucking, you should do a shot everytime they mention crosby's chances, talent, nice legs, smooth skin, and great cooking.

Maximus25 said...

Crosby doesn't know how to cook, Mrs. Lemieux is in charge of the meals

penstone said...

mmmmm nice ass?

penstone said...

christine simpson is an annoying cunt. was that mean? im sorruy.

PenguinsExperience.com said...

Awesome stuff.

If this game wasn't on stupid TSN2 I would join in.

Maximus25 said...

Good, now we actually have a chance to score in the next 2 minutes

Team Canada said...

@Wrap around curl:

Shouldn't you be watching your boy Tokarski help Canada win gold??

PenguinsExperience.com said...

The Team Canada game is a pretty good one.

Team Canada said...

Yeah it has been pretty exciting so far. Did you watch the semi? Canada tying it with 5 seconds left was amazing.

penstone said...

are the staals still brothers?

PenguinsExperience.com said...

That was one of the most exciting games I've seen.

I missed the Canada/US game which was supposedly better, though.

PenguinsExperience.com said...

Angelo Esposito scores for Canada.

Fire Ray Shero.

(=

Maximus25 said...

Wow, I love flower, but he has been especially soff the last week or so

Team Canada said...

I missed that one too. Junior hockey is great because they get so many more chances. Makes for exciting games.

What did I miss in the pens game so far... The Staal's are related and Crosby can't cook??

penstone said...

no the Staals arent brothers anymore. they are now cousins. or not even related.

rach the h said...

Who are the Staals???

Maximus25 said...

You need to add a shot for each time they just say Staal, then have to specify which one they mean

Maximus25 said...

used to be

penstone said...

gary bettman uses men's rogaine foam.

Christopher said...

thats a staal intermission interview!

Maximus25 said...

Fans should never be allowed to vote for all-stars in any sport

Maximus25 said...

Yeah, first period & a half I was down with, but this is just ridiculous

Maximus25 said...

He deserves to be in a box

penstone said...

oh fuck it keep drinking girl

Team Canada said...

I think you puckhuffer gals should use this opportunity of drunkeness to come up with a sweet idea for a challenge against the pensblog fellas. A blog-off if you will.

Christopher said...

i think that jared staal reference warrants 2 drinks

Molly said...

so how many shots have you had already?!

PenguinsExperience.com said...

Wow... can't watch the game, but 3-0... that's just depressing.

Allison said...

fuck the staal drinking game heres to the "we're at MSG" drinkning game.

nah fuck that at this point its the "we're the [ittsburgh penguins" drinkning game

Maximus25 said...

It's been a few years since I wished I was a fairweather fan, but this shit is killing me

penstone said...

seriousluuy right now im just takinsg shots for the hell of it
i ujust lashed out at my mother too.
fucki tsall

Allison said...

number 9...whos gonna do number 9..whos gonna do number 9

i dont give a fuck ill pay for a prostitute, just shut up about this number 9 shit

rach the h said...

The saddest part of this game (well, maybe not) is that I'm not even drunk right now. Although once we hit the three minute mark I start taking shots for the hell of it.

Maximus25 said...

eighth power play, we should have at least 3 ppg by now

penstone said...

MAF pulled sofh lord

nikki said...

please tell me this game is better/easier to watch while drunk
cause it sure ain't pretty sober

PenguinsExperience.com said...

Whoever's running Team Canada's power play needs to be signed by the Pens ASAP.

penstone said...

this sfgeame is nt any better fdurnk cause ou just keep drunking.

go gardard

rach the h said...

Little late, Godard. Geez.

Maximus25 said...

For a second I thought that was gonna be like the Ruutu fight against the Rags 2 novembers ago when he got punched for like 20 mins before then straight up murdered the guy

Allison said...

nah this game just sucks cock no matter awat

Team Canada said...

@Penguins Experience, were you listening when they were saying it is the same guy who ran the power play at Rimouski when Sid was there? Sign him up. Canada also killed four straight penalies and were outshot 18-6 in the second. Tokarski, as they say, is saving.

penstone said...

booooom b
boh yeah why not give athem abotheR PPP

Maximus25 said...

If we score short-handed i might kill myself

penstone said...

HCMT RANT HCMT RANT HCMAT RANT
i wanst a rant sooooooooo bad

rach the h said...

Anything would be better than him just standing there behind the bench not saying ANYTHING.

I can't fathom it either, Keith. Aaarrrgghhhh.

Allison said...

i think its about damn time that Therrien said some epic shit againnn

Maximus25 said...

you'd think by now he has to be disappoint enough

Allison said...

^^^^hahaha

penstone said...

SHUTH UP CHRISTNE BLONED CUNT HWHORe

The Goon Blogger said...

So depressed I missed this because I don't have a TV by my computer.

I love you ladies so much. Hockey Legends. Retire their numbers.

debrisslide said...

Zoe is unbelievable right now. Srsly.

The Goon Blogger said...

She certainly sounds it.

Allison said...

is oone of them number 9? caust they need to be "done" or something like that lol

ooh boyyyy
im so retarded sometimes

debrisslide said...

9:54pm - omg so drunk what if we actually lose to the Thrashers tomorrow?! I, Zoë, am ridiculous drunk/ Need to make out with someone. Help. Plz make out with me.

We are going to Thrashers game tomorrow. Please win please. We want to be at winning game;;l

The Goon Blogger said...

Zoe you are a delight.

debrisslide said...

...and now she has collapsed into Andy, saying SORRY I AM SOBER OMG.

The Goon Blogger said...

This is the first time Zoe has ever been truly shitfaced right? Ah...memories...

penstone said...

zoe-- i am getting sdrink with you someithime SOON!!! WORD.

debrisslide said...

Zoe is on the floor now and cannot respond to questions.

But we love you all.

We might have to go now.

Love you, everyone.

Kisses,
Kim & Zoe

The Goon Blogger said...

Haha. Take care of yourselves girls, Zoe especially seems to need some help. Be safe!

debrisslide said...

I am okay. They are mocking my drunkenness. This loss was really, really bad. Can we win against the Thrashers? No idea.

penstone said...

wele when is iaid we definrineyl could take TB and thte pantehrs i was wrong som im bnot gonna say that the atl agme is a surething.

but isf colby and erik beats us then im sgoing to black lsit colby and tell hism he catn ever see sidney ahgain.

Allison said...

ahhh zoe i just got your drunken plight for a need to makeout with someone over my im lol
i love you
lol i almost pissd my pants when i read that

is this your first time really drunk?

and as a funny story, my bisexual best friend questioned me if i was secretly talking to lesbians online when she saw your im on her computer... thats mostly why i almost pissed my pants

Allison said...

and holy shit girlys, youre gonna break 100 comments tonight....
EPICCCCCCC

The Goon Blogger said...

Btw ladies, congratz on the Puck Daddy nod. You're big time now, and in such a small time. You guys are a big deal.

Allison said...

aaaannnnnndddd....100!!!!

penstone said...

1-01?

penstone said...

asorry thats awas obnoxious but ima still dirnkgin.

todd said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
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Puck Huffers by Kimberly Davidson and Zoë Hayden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.