Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Pens vs. Preds

The past few days have been hectic.
But we'll be returning to our usual schedule now.
Starting with the Preds preview.

The NHL can be a bizarre place. The Preds are on a five game losing streak - obviously not the bizarre part - the last game they won being against the Red Wings (yeah, that's the one.) Before that they lost to the Panthers. It goes to show sometimes you just don't know what the fuck is going to happen.

If this were three months ago we would have guaranteed a Penguins victory over the Preds. Then again, if this were three months ago we would have guaranteed a Red Wings victory over the Preds...we woulda held on to that bet up gametime, actually. It's not that we like the Wings, we just really like money. And it seems kind of safe.

Fuck you, you know what we mean.

Anyway, we feel just a little bit bad for the Preds.
The Preds fans don't even care.
Is that bitch sleeping?
That guy is like, checking out his photos from the zoo last weekend.
No one even cared to notice that Pihlstrom's life was ending right before their eyes.

Just because we feel bad for them, and oh God do we ever -
(those poor bastards) - doesn't mean we don't want to see their blood smeared all over Orpik's mouth when he gets hungry mid-game. We root for the weak until they play us. Then we want to mercilessly shame them into submission and make their families disown them. We're good people until we need to win. At that point, if Brooksy wants to eat your brains, we're going let him have at it.

The Preds forward strength is like...well, something with horrible forward strength. They are playing with a lot of call-ups, but it's not like we're in a position to say anything about that. Their net tender is either going to be Ellis or Rinne. Rinne has been in for six out of the past eight Preds games. Ellis apparently had a cold or some shit but came back to lose to the Flames. It's hard to say who they'll put in against us. We'd make a guess with Ellis, but we've learned not to bet on anything.

It's an important game. Right, right, you never thought you'd hear that about a Preds game, we didn't even play them last season, but seriously, every game is important right now. If we win it's another confidence booster to a Penguins teams that needs loads more confidence. If we lose, well, that's a real kick in the balls, now, isn't it?

Our favorite Predator is clearly Jordin Tootoo, by the way. Oh my God. He's 5'9 and weighs 194. He is the official spokesperson of Nunasi, and here are his words on that role:

"I am proud to represent the Nunasi Group of Companies as a role model for the young people of the North, and together we communicate the importance of education and following dreams."

...did they cut out the "AND GETTING CRUNNNNK" part? Or was that implied?
I'm bad at reading between the lines, sorry.

And is he not pleased with her hair? I am curious as to why.

Umm, yeah, anyway, we better win.
That's basically what I meant by all of that.
Just remember, boys, if we lose, we lose to Jordin Tootoo.


Go Pens.


The Goon Blogger said...

Puck Huffers > Puck Sluts.

Also, Tootoo's disapproving look at that girl's hair might be the greatest thing in the world.

"What is this, Head and Shoulders? Away with you!"

Molly said...

Michel therrien getting better!
slowly but surely

Allison said...

i actualy used to like tootoo. i saw this tear jerking documentary on his life at some point on the OLN during the lockout.
Damn that PR agent.
and now all i hear about is how dirty he is... ive never actually seen him play since his rookie season, so my eyes will be on him all night. said...

"No one even cared to notice that Pihlstrom's life was ending right before their eyes."


It looks like Tootoo's holding up a severed head the way he's holding her hair. said...

Tootoo with severed head.

Kimberlass said...

hahahahahahahahaha omg, huge photoshop win.

Best thing ever.

Nulpher said...

@ Molly.

Not quite sure if HCMT is going to be here much longer if anything I've been hearing recently holds true. said...

Who's the other guy with Tootoo in the last pic?

mak108 said...

He's obviously distraught over her sweaty armpits

rach the h said...

There were so many amazing things in that preview I don't think I can comment on just one. I will say that the PS, however, is made of pure win.

Spending my birthday in Nashville all day tomorrow (, and plan on capping it off with a big Pens win. WOOO.

Allison said...

Woooooo. Its official. 4 more years of the Staal brothers drinking game for us Pens fans!!!

Allison said...

And naturally it was only fitting that that was the 11th comment.

Hand of Godard said...

It was also naturally fitting that your first thoughts were about the drinking game.

The Goon Blogger said...

Oh Allison, such a lovable drunk.

S'ok, we all are.

My liver gives me an ultimatum before Staal's contract is up. Bank.

Allison said...

hehehe i love how everyone fully accepts me as the resident wino
i think i make it appear much worse than it really is haha
who cares...
i'm so down for another 4 years said...

We lost to Jordin Tootoo.

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