Friday, December 26, 2008

Pens Vs. Devils

Hey, remember me?
What up.

So we are playing the Devils tomorrow and I know what you are thinking. Ever since we won that amazingly solid, beautiful game against the Devils last time we played them and it was later declared a loss by officials when they found our sticks were all non-regulation, we have known that the NHL just has it in for us. Clearly they have to tighten up their rules and not let certain players and teams just slide through on technicalities.

Balls.

I have news for you. This time we put away the diamond sticks and we’re still going to kick ass.


Seriously, though, it’s time for a turn around. We’d prefer it sooner rather than later, and I would like to recap a win. With MAF back we’re cleaning up any soff goals, and at varying times our defense and offense is tight. We just need the stars to align and for everything to start working together.

We’re sure you’ve heard all about Therrien’s comments about the boys complaining about one another on the bench. We’re hoping it was his English, because thinking of the boys bitching really turns our stomachs. We say lasso ‘em together and make them skate. Classic Gordon Bombay tactics. The Ducks always prevailed.

Eat some steak boys, we think your manliness meter is dropping.
ALL BETTER.
Well, once you take the fucking garnish off the side.
Throw it at some ugly bitch.
Then growl and scratch inappropriately.
FEELING BETTER ALREADY.

If you haven’t yet noticed, steak is instant manliness. Well, unless you over-cook it. Then you are a bitch ass punk complaining about your teammates. And we don’t do that here in Penguins territory. Of course, we believe it was a classic Therrien English malfunction. We’re just taking the necessary precautions. Make sure that fucker is still breathing when you plate it up.

The recap for this game is going to be up at some retarded time in the morning. Unless you are like us and don’t actually need sleep to survive, catch it in the morning before work. I’m saying six-ish.

I’ve got the next two games under control.
It’s good to be back.
Let’s hope the Penguins can say the same after this is all over.

By the way, in case you didn't hear,
Paul Bissonnette and Dustin Jeffrey.
BIZ NASTY IS BACK.
SO EXCITED.

2 comments:

Allison said...

I'm counting on this recap for lots of details, as I will miss the game:-( which really is an epic fail since its one of the few games I get on tv. But alas, I'll be out drinking so I might meander my way through the Internet to PH and leave some drunken lovin'.

The Goon Blogger said...

Biz Nasty kills 12, more at 11.

I've always been a fan of the "more at 11." remark by news groups. Does that mean they'll have more news at 11? Or is Biz Nasty going to kill more at 11?

 
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