Monday, November 24, 2008

WHY MIKE ZIGOMANIS IS A MAN

Basic Stats:
Name: Mike Zigomanis, Ziggy
Number: 15
Occupation: Conquering Expectations

WHEN HIS MANLINESS WAS SO APPARENT THAT EVEN THE DOUBTERS WERE SILENCED

For once we’re going to take you back to a Red Wings game that wasn’t game five, although with the epic ending you may confuse reruns of the two. Thirty seconds left in the game, Ziggy does what we pay him to do and scores the GWF. That’s right, I said it, game winning faceoff. Eight seconds later Staalsy ties the game. It smelled like another tragedy until Zigomanis reminded us that real men don’t consider it a loss until 00:00.

LAST TIME HE GOT A CITY PREGNANT

We were being shut down by the Canucks after they switched into primal panic mode after their chief went down. The Pens were choking in a big way when TK and fellow man Zigomanis decided to gang up on the goal and show it who was boss. We didn’t win, but we also didn’t let a backup goalie see a shut-out. Pretty good for a guy brought in to dominate the faceoff. Hope you didn’t mind watching that game hung over, ladies, because you best be getting used to morning sickness.

Sid is worried, Therrien is worried, Ziggy is whistling Christmas Carols because he knows he did just fine.

WHAT HE DOES IN HIS SPARE TIME

Mike Zigomanis, a former Western Conference player, uses his off-days to wander into the desert and be at one with the wilderness. Some say he eats raw scorpions to survive. Others say that he needs no food and derives all necessary life-force from the sun. Either way, every time he gets back from the desert, his faceoff percentage improves, so people have learned not to ask questions.

HOW HE BENDS THE UNIVERSE TO HIS WILL

In the past, Mike Zigomanis made it a hobby to create AHL teams out of nothing. He once created a team called the Lowell Lock Monsters out of a rib he tore from his own chest. In his time there he set the bar for most of their goal, point and assist records. Some records he gave away to other players to make them believe they had free will. When he left, the team turned into Lowell Devils. If you care about them, we’re surprised. Now that Ziggy is in the NHL he is done playing God, but every once in awhile he reminds us of his divine gift.

Mike Zigomanis; so much more than what we had hoped for.

4 comments:

Noodles and Henrik said...

Mike Zigomanis is a man, we are believers.

Anyone who creates an AHL team from a rib they tore out of their own chest is alright by us.

Hand of Godard said...

This is why this blog is a big deal. Who else would post a tribute to the fourth line center we picked up for future considerations and a Superman lunch pale? I love it.

Allison said...

Along with being a man, he is a super nice man. I think I was the first fan he took a picture with after he was traded to Pittsburgh. Yes, I feel special.


It's too weird to read about Ziggy and the Pens in the same sentence again. Brings me back to Palfy.

The Goon Blogger said...

Mike Zigomanis' play is directly related to me. I said Shero was reaching in getting Ziggy, he proves me wrong every night and I apologize every night.

 
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