Name: Mike Zigomanis, Ziggy
Occupation: Conquering Expectations
WHEN HIS MANLINESS WAS SO APPARENT THAT EVEN THE DOUBTERS WERE SILENCED
For once we’re going to take you back to a Red Wings game that wasn’t game five, although with the epic ending you may confuse reruns of the two. Thirty seconds left in the game, Ziggy does what we pay him to do and scores the GWF. That’s right, I said it, game winning faceoff. Eight seconds later Staalsy ties the game. It smelled like another tragedy until Zigomanis reminded us that real men don’t consider it a loss until 00:00.
LAST TIME HE GOT A CITY PREGNANT
We were being shut down by the Canucks after they switched into primal panic mode after their chief went down. The Pens were choking in a big way when TK and fellow man Zigomanis decided to gang up on the goal and show it who was boss. We didn’t win, but we also didn’t let a backup goalie see a shut-out. Pretty good for a guy brought in to dominate the faceoff. Hope you didn’t mind watching that game hung over, ladies, because you best be getting used to morning sickness.
WHAT HE DOES IN HIS SPARE TIME
Mike Zigomanis, a former Western Conference player, uses his off-days to wander into the desert and be at one with the wilderness. Some say he eats raw scorpions to survive. Others say that he needs no food and derives all necessary life-force from the sun. Either way, every time he gets back from the desert, his faceoff percentage improves, so people have learned not to ask questions.
HOW HE BENDS THE UNIVERSE TO HIS WILL
In the past, Mike Zigomanis made it a hobby to create AHL teams out of nothing. He once created a team called the Lowell Lock Monsters out of a rib he tore from his own chest. In his time there he set the bar for most of their goal, point and assist records. Some records he gave away to other players to make them believe they had free will. When he left, the team turned into Lowell Devils. If you care about them, we’re surprised. Now that Ziggy is in the NHL he is done playing God, but every once in awhile he reminds us of his divine gift.Mike Zigomanis; so much more than what we had hoped for.