Friday, November 21, 2008

CRASH MY NET FRIDAY

HEY GUYS WELCOME TO CRASH MY NET FRIDAY!

What we might have forgotten to mention in the last post is that we base this honor of CRASHING NETS on weekly performance.
The Pens have only played three games since the last time we did this, and there's one guy who's standing out.

MATT COOKE CAN CRASH MY NET
(He is married; we totally repsect that. If you take these posts seriously, you're READING THE WRONG BLOG.)



Matt Cooke wins the award this week because he's pretty much the only person getting physical when the game is looking like crap. He delivers hits so hard that you'll forget Jarkko Ruutu's name. He's just coming off of a career-high five-game point streak. Quality player, no question about it. Thanks, Shero. Since Cooke has only been with the Penguins for a short time, he's not always going to be in a Pens uniform as we celebrate how awesome he is, but that's okay. Because when you're awesome, you're awesome no matter where you play.

BEST FEATURE

Smile, Mattie Cooke. We love your missing-tooth grin.
If you're a badass in the game of hockey, your dental work is on the line every night.
Not only is Matt Cooke a badass, he's a happy badass.


LAST SURGE OF DESIRE
In the game against the Wild, Sabu let in a really soff Own Goal. Everyone makes mistakes. We'll come up with a highlight reel of Brodeur vomiting on himself if you have anything bad to say about that. The team comes to Sabu, tells him it's okay, that they'll get it back for him. Matt Cooke picks up a Staalsy rebound ten seconds later, like he's Thomas Vanek or something. So far, this is the fastest answer to a goal by any team this season. Ten seconds, everyone. Sabu wasn't the only person who would make love to him after that shit.

THE WHOLESOMENESS PART OF IT
There's no possible way we can say enough about how adorable and kind Matt Cooke has proven to be. The Penguins tend to collect people like this. The management must have a sixth sense for them. He founded the Cooke Family Foundation of Hope in 2006, whose mission statement is "to provide assistance to individuals faced with health, financial and emotional life changes." He hopes to have it registered soon in the US, as it is in Canada. So wholesome, eh?

He has three children and an absolutely beautiful wife. We're glad they like Pittsburgh, 'cause we like them.

Being able to destroy people on the ice is all business--Matt Cooke is proof that being considered a pest in the NHL doesn't mean you're a pest in real life.


WHAT HAPPENS ON THE MORNING AFTER
O HAI SORRY I HAD TO SAVE YOU FROM GETTING RAPED BY ALEXANDER OVECHKIN IN A DARK ALLEY WAS THE GUEST ROOM COMFY? MY WIFE MADE WAFFLES DO YOU WANT SOME?


CONVERSELY, WHO IS NOT EVEN ALLOWED NEAR OUR NETS
Colton Gillies

- his name is actually Colton
- we have no idea what's going on in this picture

Thank you for tuning in for this week's installment of CRASH MY NET FRIDAY.

5 comments:

captain badger said...

Love it. Cooke is a tank and possibly a superhero.

Jack said...

You gals are doing a really good job. I think you should advertise yourselves over at the Pensblog. Staff drops the ball a lot and cbloggers are dying alive for something funny to read. Have staff linked to you yet or mentioned the new blog? Probably not. Dicks.

debrisslide said...

Pensblog linked us in a game day post awhile back, actually. And sometimes Kim shamelessly promotes us in cblog, which probably annoys the crap out of everyone, but whatev.

The Goon Blogger said...

I'd eat his cookie?

I think that makes sense?

Maybe?

Whatevs. Jarkko Ruutu is one of my favorite hockey players (even when he played for the 'Nucks) but Mattie Cooke is even making me forget.

Hand of Godard said...

I have a new man crush on Matt Cooke.

 
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Puck Huffers by Kimberly Davidson and Zoë Hayden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.